Wow, an actual match straight out of the chute. They’re actually more evenly matched height wise than I recall, so they open with some fairly evenly matched brawling and big man muscle moves. Goldust lands some stiff kicks, and a slap, but it’s not enough, as Jackson levels him with a clothesline. He gets Goldust to the corner and has to be removed by the referee. What, we don’t count anymore? Zeke makes the first pin for two. Zeke gets Goldie in the big bear hug, but Goldie gets free with some downward punches. Zeke blocks him to the floor again for another pin, but nothing. He gets Goldie into a chicken wing. And then a back suplex for another pin. Back to the … let’s call it a modified chicken wing, because those arms aren’t bent back all that far. Goldie tries to work the crowd and they get behind him. GD gets to his feet, kicks at Zeke’s legs and frees himself. Zeke throws him to the corner, and then runs in for a splash. Goldust catches him midair and holds him, steps out of the corner, and falls backward. Zeke gets another pin, but it’s still just a two count. Goldust his a jawbreaker and then a big boot, and gets some momentum. Goldust hits a bulldog, and gets a two count. Goldust hits the Flatliner, and heads to the top. Kozlov leaps onto the apron, and the referee turns to tell him to get down. Zeke is able to kick Goldust off the ring post before he gets set. Zeke hits the power slam, and gets the pin. Winner: Ezekiel Jackson with really a minimum of shenanigans. Of course, there’s plenty of time for post-match shenanigans, as Kozlov body slams Goldust, just because he can.

Backstage, William Regal is in his poofy robe, and THINKING~! Zach Ryder approaches him and calls him partner, and he tells Regal he understands that they are threatened by him, and that’s why they ditched him last week. Regal is amused. Ryder tells him he’s not so tough without his goons around him. Of course, if you’ve watched wrestling, sit coms, horror movies, or anything ever, you know what is of course to follow. Sure enough, Ryder turns around and Zeke and Vlad are behind him. This shuts him up, and now it’s Regal’s turn. He tells Ryder he’s lucky to have survived last week, and he’s not thrilled about tagging with him tonight (insulting my beloved GM Tiffany in the process! Jerk!). Regal’s going to make it work, because he does want to win, after all. So Ryder better play along and do exactly what Regal says, or else.

Match 2: Sheamus v. … my patience.

Sheamus updates us on the match they had on WWE Superstars, which apparently Shelton won by DQ. Wait…this is a recap. Of….Superstars. You almost got me there, Sheamus. After the video package, he explains himself. He builds up Shelton’s ability, but says he’s done absolutely nothing with it. (Shoot!) So he’s going to use Shelton as a stepping stone to get to the top of WWE. And in the end, there will be only one!! (Sorry, I liked the Highlander reference). And…that’s it? No match? Winner: Sheamus.

Match 2 for real: The Hurricane v. Paul Burchill (w/Katie Lea)

Katie Lea is rocking some more gothy make up, which I know several folks like. Burchill begins with Real Wrestling, and Hurricane obliges. He runs at Hurricane, but he dodges, sending Burchill out of the ring. And then leaps over the ropes for a splash. He rolls Burchill back in. We go back to the wrestling. Hurricane attacks him with vicious Hurri-chops, and then tries to set him up for a Hurricanrana, but Burchill counters. Burchill sends Helms…oops, I mean Hurricane (because yes, we’re still playing that) out to the floor. He runs Hurricane rib first into the ring apron, then rolls him back in. He makes the pin, but only gets a one count. Hurricane powers up with the fans, but Burchill hits an armbreaker. Burchill continues to work the arm and shoulder. Hurricane rallies and lands a bit of offense, but he’s still favoring is left shoulder. He goes up top and hits the Hurricanrana, and gets a two count. Striker’s new favorite word is “lateral press” Burchill goes back to working the shoulder. He sits Hurricane on the corner and follows up, teasing the superplex. I can’t help but notice, but both men could stand to do a few sit ups. Hurricane throws Burchill awkwardly off the ropes, probably supposed to be face first, but that’s not how it ends up. Still, Paul gets himself into the right position, and stands, just in time to eat a Hurricane Frog Splash. Hurricane makes the pin, but still only gets a two count. Hurricane fees of the crowd, and tries for the Eye of the Hurricane, but can’t hook the left arm. Also, Burchill’s knee brace is coming off. Now it’s Burchill’s turn for a seat on the corner, and Hurricane’s turn to go up top. He’s on the top rope and tries to do a Hurricanrana from the top rope, but his legs slip off and he hits the mat hard. Burchill pounces and does a jackknife suplex for the win. Winner: Paul Burchill.

To break up the monotony of the plugs for “Bragging Rights” (which I think has no actual ECW match on it), Christian and Yoshi Tatsu do a cute little thing backstage where Tatsu won’t stop saying thank you and bowing.

Match 3: William Regal and Zach Ryder v. Yoshi Tatsu and Christian

Wow, they are still billing Regal as the 2008 King of the Ring. So the opening dance partners are Tatsu and Ryder. Nothing truly spectacular here, just a good opening exchange before Tatsu tags in Christian. Christian takes Ryder to school for a bit before Ryder gets the upper hand. We have the same “hands on” referee that instead of counting and yelling, actually pulls people out of the corner. Interesting. Ryder gets momentum, and pummels Christian in the corner three times before running in for a fourth and Christian hits the Fulcrum. Ryder staggers back for more, and Christian helps him out of the ring, over the ropes. Regal goes over to where he lands, and manages to position himself just right so that Christian drop kick knocks them both over. Christian sizes it up, hits the corner and flies over the ropes, knocking them both down. Tatsu is still in the corner as we take a break to sort this out.

When we are back, it’s Christian and Regal, and Christian is on offense. Regal tags Ryder back in and he gets a quick pin for a one count. He tags Regal back in, and seriously, Regal works pretty stiff. He gets Christian to the corner, and hits him with some stiff European uppercuts, but Christian pushes him off, and hits his flying uppercut. Both men are down, and their partners are going crazy in the corner. They make the hot tags at the same time, bringing in Tatsu and Ryder. Tatsu goes all martial arts on Ryder with some actual chops to the neck. He pushes him to the corner and follows in with double knees to the chest. He tries to go for the snapmare, but Ryder counters. Tatsu dodges Ryder and hits the ropes, bouncing off for a spinning heel kick. Tatsu makes a pin for two. Ryder tries to defend, but Tatsu hits the rolling snapmare again, followed by a kick, and gets another two count. Ryder is able to hit a few punches doubling Tatsu over, and goes over to mock Christian. Silly Zach. Christian starts to come in, but is stopped by a referee. Ryder turns into two roundhouse kicks from Tatsu, but Ryder grabs him by the head and turns him backward for a shoulder neckbreaker. Ryder makes the pin, but only gets two, and tags in Regal. Regal gets Tatsu to his favorite corner and hits multiple knees to the head, and multiple punches to the face before the referee steps in after the four-count. Regal continues to cheat, but then bounces Tatsu off the ropes into an elbow. Ryder is tagged back in, and Regal stays in. The referee counts and then he and Regal start arguing about whether either of them knows how many is ‘five.’ Ryder gets Tatsu in a seated crossface, but then Tatsu powers out with elbows to the midsection. Tatsu is trying to get to his corner but can’t. He ramps Tatsu into the heel’s corner and tags Regal in. Tatsu fires up and they exchange European uppercuts, but then Regal drops Tatsu with a kick. He tags Ryder back in. The abuse of Tatsu continues. Tatsu finally sees him opening and hits what they called a “roaring elbow” out of the corner, knocking Ryder down. A second corner crawl, and we have new dancers on the floor. Christian comes in after Ryder, with three Christian-slaps. Christian knocks Regal of the corner, hits a springboard sunset flip on Ryder, but Ryder is out at two. Christian tries to lock in the Killswitch, but Ryder counters with a headbutt to the back of the neck. He leaps and lands a leg drop to the back of Christian’s head, but Christian kicks out at two.

At that point, my DVR times out even though I have it set for a five-minute over run. I shall be fixing that momentarily. The remainder of the recap comes from the good good people at 411mania. Regal blind tags himself in, which does not sit well with Ryder, so they argue, giving Christian the opportunity to punch Regal. Christian hits a Killswitch on Regal. Winners: Christian and Yoshi Tatsu.