Match 1: Evan Bourne v. Tyson Kidd (w/the Hart Dynasty)

It’s a fairly standard opening, but one on speed, much faster than a typical opening segment. Evan whips Tyson into the corner, and then follows him in. Tyson gets him up very high and over the ropes, but Evan lands on the apron. He clubs Tyson, who falls back towards the middle of the ring. Natalya does something to attract the referee’s attention (it’s off camera so we can only speculate). DH takes the opportunity to stalk Evan on the apron. The referee catches this though, and kicks both Natalya and DH away from the ring. Kidd is not thrilled, but the crowd is. Once that’s handled, Kidd and Evan run at each other, but Bourne leaps and hits Kidd with a double drop kick. Kidd rolls out of the ring. Bourne goes to the top of the ring post and flies right into Kidd. This starts an E-C-Dub chant from the crowd, and a count from the referee. Bourne throws Kidd back in and makes a pin for 1. Kidd shoulder blocks Bourne and his taped ribs into the ring post, following up with a kick to the ribs. Kidd makes a quick pin, and Bourne kicks out. Kidd gets Bourne into an abdominal stretch, with occasional elbows to the ribs. Kidd releases the hold, and picks Bourne up, maybe for a belly-to-back release suplex, but as he gets him to just the right spot, Bourne flips over and lands Kidd on his back, pinning him. Evan gets a two count. The two men are up on their feet, and Bourne runs at Kidd, but Kidd gets a knee up to Bourne’s ribs, flipping him over. Three more knee drops to Bourne’s ribs. Kidd continues his rib-related offense and makes another pin for two. He whips Bourne again into the ring post and comes in, but this time Bourne is ready for him, and shoulder blocks him. Kidd staggers backward, and Bourne goes to the second rope and splashes on Kidd. Kidd is hurt, but so are Bourne’s taped ribs. With both men down, the referee starts another count. Kidd is up first, but Bourne nails him with a back kick, then a wrap around roll up for a two count. Bourne is a house a fire with the roundhouse kicks now, driving Kidd back into the ropes. He runs towards him, but Kidd gets a big boot up. But not the way he meant to, because Bourne catches it and flips him over the rope. Kidd leaps up and springboards off the top, but Bourne dodges it, and then counters with a hurricanrana. He makes another 2-count pin. The two exchange kicks, and then Evan goes up top and will he do it? With taped ribs? Yes he will! World’s Prettiest Shooting Star for the pin, and the win. Winner: Evan Bourne.

Match 2: Finlay v. Zach Ryder

Before the match, Finlay gets the mic to explain a few things. So he reiterates the fight between Christian and Dreamer that he broke up, and his subsequent eye injury. And no one bothered to call. He only got a text saying “Sorry.” But he gets interrupted by his opponent, telling him to not overlook tonight’s match, woo woo woo. Something tells me that’s going to be a mistake on Mr. Ryder’s part.

Back from commercial, and Finlay is owning Ryder. He drives Ryder to the ground, gets a knee in the backbone, pulls back on Ryder’s face by the nose and then elbow drops right on the nose. Awesome. Some more manhandling and a pin for two. Ryder kicks out and does get some offense in, but it’s largely ceremonial, as Finlay goes back on the attack. At this point in the match, I’m prepared to label it a squash and move on. Zach again gets some … nope, there it goes again, back to Finlay. Ryder reverses a whip that sends Finlay to the ring post. Finlay hops up to the second and leaps back, turning right into a thumb to the previously-injured eye! Ryder seizes his opportunity. Finlay is down, and Ryder stands on the side of Finlay’s head, using the ropes for leverage. Ryder flips Finlay onto the mat and gets a two count, but then gets Finlay into a sleeper hold, occasionally punching at the injured eye. Finlay counters a bit but Ryder changes into a side headlock. Ryder changes holds a few more times, awkwardly, like he’s not sure which one he wants to do, then just says the heck with it, and knee drops right onto the sore side of Finlay’s face. (Which, we’ve just determined is the right side, after flipping between the right and left at first. It’s been consistently the right side for a bit now.) He continues his eye-related offense. The referee keeps asking Finlay in between eye shots “How’s your eye?” Ryder grabs Finlay’s eye socket from behind and pulls him down to his knees. Ryder goes up top for what maybe was supposed to be a knee drop, probably to the face or eye, but Finlay counters by getting his foot up. Atomic drop on Ryder, followed by a kick, and three clotheslines, into the Celtic cross, and Finlay gets a two count. Ryder escapes but not for long. Finlay really sells the eye pain, and as the referee checks on him, Ryder takes the pad off the turnbuckle. Eventually, the referee notices and yells at Ryder. Finlay takes advantage and gets Ryder with a roll up, grabbing the tights. Winner: Finlay via ‘brief’ shenanigans

After an impressive number of video packages, even by WWE standards, we get MY Teacher, Matt Striker in the ring with a blackboard. Suddenly, I feel the need to put on a short plaid skirt. Matt Striker explains the ECW Scramble at the Bash. I think. I’m kind of not paying attention to what he’s saying.

Sadly, that part is over and we go backstage to Gregory Helms who is interviewing Mark Henry with Tony Atlas. Henry’s answer is mercifully cut short, as a shipping crate of some kind has fallen on a backstage guy. People come running (including a referee, who I expect to start a 3-count…you OOWFers will know what that’s about). We cut back to Henry and Atlas, minus Helms. Then we cut back to the tragedy where three men are trying to lift the crate. Suddenly it flies off him to reveal…THE HURRICANE! He checks on the man, and then leaves! Back to Henry and Atlas, rejoined now by Helms, who says “How do you feel about your match tonight?” Henry is too confused to answer. Best Henry interview ever.

Match 3: Jack Swagger/Mark Henry (w/Tony Atlas) v. Tommy Dreamer/Christian

Opening lock up is Swagger and Christian. Swagger makes the International Sign for “Make Some Noise” to the crowd. They don’t. They push each other around, and then go to the mat, amateur style. Christian makes the same International Sign at some point, and the crowd complies. Ha! First bit of professional style wrestling comes after Christian starts to run the ropes, ducking three swings from Swagger, then slides between his legs, and bounces back with an enziguiri. Christian makes a one-count pin, just because he can, and tags in Tommy Dreamer.

Dreamer delivers a flying elbow off the second rope. Swagger is able to recover and armdrags Tommy over, but Tommy takes the momentum and brings Swagger over into an armbar. Swagger is able to counter with a leg sweep and then rains punches down on Tommy until the referee calls for the break, and he tags in Henry.

Henry does what he does best. Stomp and punch. But this isn’t the inexperienced Evan Bourne he’s in the ring with. He sends Tommy to the corner, but when he follows him in, no one is home. Instead, Tommy dodges and drop toe-holds Henry face first into the ring post. He follows it up with a drop kick that sends Henry slowly out of the ring. Swagger doesn’t like this, so he comes in, after being told by the referee to stay out, but Tommy is ready and back body drops him over the ropes and onto the floor. Henry has recovered, but is still on the floor, and Tommy goes outside the ropes. He cannonballs Mark Henry at exactly the same time as Christian suicide planchas Swagger. Fantastic hang time! Everyone is, of course, down, the crowd launches into their second E-C-Dub chant of the night, and we take a break.

Back from commercial, and everyone has miraculously recovered. Swagger is beating down Christian in the corner. But Christian kicks him in the stomach, followed by a couple of punches and then a flying upper cut from the second rope. Christian tags in Dreamer, who hits a neck breaker on Swagger and then dropkicks right to Henry’s knees, knocking him off the apron. Dreamer whips swagger around and runs the ropes, trying to hit the bulldog. Swagger pushes him off, but Dreamer bounces back with another neck breaker. Tommy makes a pin for two. He ties Swagger up into the tree of woe, and with the ECW chant, drop kicks Swagger right in the face. Mark Henry doesn’t like this, and starts in, but the referee makes him get back. Christian doesn’t like that Henry is coming in, so the referee has to deal with that too. But Henry comes in while the referee is over there, and shoves Tommy down from behind. Swagger gets off the tree and comes over to punch-kick combo the prone Dreamer. Finally the referee backs him off, and he tags in Henry. Henry stands on Dreamer, using the ropes for leverage. He whips Dreamer into the ropes and Dreamer flies back, running straight into the tree branch that is Mark Henry’s arm. He punches him, and then tags in Swagger.

Swagger starts by slingshotting Tommy’s neck off the rope. He then gets in the ring, beats Tommy in the corner for a bit and applies a headlock, but it doesn’t keep Tommy down for long, but Swagger remains in control. He runs him face first into the turnbuckle, and then keeps slamming his head into it. It’s again broken up by the referee, and we again have a corner whip, but Tommy reverses and it’s Swagger that goes in this time. Tommy follows him in and Swagger nails him with an elbow. He runs at Dreamer, but Dreamer catches him mid air for a sit-out power bomb. Now we have the corner crawl, which brings in Henry and Christian.

Christian dodges Henry’s clothesline. He peppers Henry with punches, and then hits two clotheslines that do kind of stun Henry for a minute. But he recovers to get Christian into the corner, but Christian double kicks Henry in the chest. He follows that up with a missile drop kick, not once, but twice! Christian makes the pin, but of course, you can’t pin Mark Henry. Swagger comes in to help, but Christian makes quick work of getting him out and over the rope. He turns back to Henry, but Henry’s recovered, and sets up the World’s Strongest Slam. But, Christian counters and gets free, sliding down behind Henry. He tries to get a springboard sunset flip, but Henry is holding the ropes at his corner to keep from going all the way over. Swagger decides to help and slaps Henry’s hand! Henry looks at Swagger like “What the hell did you just do?”

Swagger rolls under the ring as Henry goes to do the World’s Most Terrifying Butt Drop, but all the drama gave Christian time to roll away. Swagger picks him up for the gutwrench powerbomb, but Christian counters that with an inside-out roll up. He pins him for a close as you can get to three and still not be at three. Christian tosses Swagger into the ropes and then catches him, sets up, and hits the Killswitch. He drags him away from the ropes, and this time it’s got to count, right? One…two….NO! Tony Atlas has pulled Swagger’s foot so that it’s under the rope! Christian is pissed and goes after Atlas, and Dreamer runs around to the outside of the ring to help. Dreamer tackles Atlas, and punches him a few times, then yells at the referee to do his job. In the meantime, Henry picks up Christian and drives him spine-first into the ring post. He tosses Swagger into the ring, and Swagger grabs him, hits the gutwrench powerbomb. Winners: Jack Swagger/Mark Henry

After the match, Henry grabs Dreamer, who is checking on Christian and hits his World’s Strongest Slam. They both stand over the two, and then Henry decides he is still a little pissed about that tag earlier. World’s Strongest Slam for Swagger too! Thank goodness the show is over, before everyone else gets Strongest Slammed.

A good show, but certainly not the best ECW. But I guess we can have a clunker every so often. Don’t forget to tune in, or whatever the right word is, to blogtalkradio.com/sigmafan Friday night at 11!