ECW, Live-ish from Los Angeles, where it was totally, always, meant to be. Really. For serious.

ECW Champion, Captain Charisma, Christian opens the show, making his way to the ring. You know, the ECW Belt is kind of growing on me. He says it’s fitting we’re live in Hollywood, because Christian’s peeps here will understand what he’s about to say. He talks about reality show people who don’t realize their fame is over when the reality show ends. They aren’t famous, just a dork that won’t go away. And Jack Swagger is that dork. Christian is tired of his interference, so he’s going to do something about it right here and right now. And he calls him out into the ring, because his fifteen minutes of fame are just about up. There’s an uncomfortable pause, and then the music hits. Swagger comes to the top of the ramp. Swagger doesn’t think it’s his fame and time that is running out. He’s a ‘two-time, two-time’ all-American. His time is just beginning, whereas Christian’s time as ECW Champion is running out. He walks down to the ramp as he’s saying all this, and is finally in the ring, saying that since Christian cheated twice, the justice Swagger has asked for has finally been served, since GM the Tiffany has agreed to a match between them at One Night Sta--, er, Extreme Rules PPV. They argue about the stips, when GM the Tiffany comes to the ring. (Some idiot in the crowd yells “Take your shirt off.” Nice. Jerk.) Tiffany says Swagger needs to get his facts straight. While Swagger does have an opportunity for the championship at the PPV, what he did on WWE Superstars last Thursday has not gone unnoticed. (Except by all those of us who didn’t watch.) So the match will not be one-on-one, but a triple threat. Against Tommy Dreamer.

Swagger is not pleased. Dreamer’s contract expires the day before, so he can’t compete. Tiffany says because Swagger ruined Dreamer’s last two title matches, Dreamer has a signed a one-day extension on his contract, for a fair chance at the championship. So Tommy either wins the title or walks away. Oh, and the triple threat is a hardcore match. Swagger protests. Tiffany walks away. Dreamer does body builder poses, mocking Swagger, apparently. Swagger runs at him, but Dreamer back body drops him over the top ropes onto the floor. Christian and Dreamer high five each other, but then Dreamer grabs Christian by the hair and the back of the tights and tosses him over the opposite ropes. Ha! Don’t be underestimating Tommy Dreamer now!

Match 1: Vladimir Kozlov vs. Joey Munos/Russ Taylor

Wow, two red trunks for the price of one! Squash. If they’re not going to put him against anyone, are they saving him for some sort of Real American Hero?

Backstage, Dreamer and Christian are arguing. Dreamer is sad that Christian and Swagger completely ignored him. Christian disrespected Dreamer just as much as Swagger did. The two start to brawl backstage, and it’s broken up by Finlay as we go to commercial.

We cut back to Josh Matthews and Matt ‘Blue Eyes’ Striker who are talking about not doing something at home. I don’t know. Blue eyes lose me.

Match 2: Mark Henry (w/Tony Atlas) v. Evan Bourne

Henry has new stuff on his singlet. Bourne starts out trying to impress Henry with his kicks, but Henry smacks him half way across the ring. Bourne again tries to work the leg, but Henry just abuses Bourne. He tosses him so Bourne sits on the top turnbuckle, and when he goes in for a follow up, Bourne gets a boot to Henry’s face. Henry comes back a second time, and Bourne leaps over him. He tries to get some momentum by bouncing of the ropes, but when he hits Henry, all he does is bounce off of him. Henry goes for a pin, but Bourne kicks out. Henry dominates Bourne, punching and kicking him around the ring. He stands on Evan’s chest, and as the ref pulls him off, Atlas sneaks in what has to be the world’s weakest punch to the chest. Henry returns to this time stand on Bourne’s back. Bourne rallies and lands three kicks that seem to affect Henry, but Henry retaliates with a roundhouse kick to Bourne’s head. That may be the most impressive kick I’ve seen Henry do ever. Henry goes for another pin, but again, Evan kicks out. Henry kicks Bourne out of the ring, and as he’s being admonished by the referee, Atlas gets in another weak punch. Seriously, my six-month old niece can do more believable punches. Bourne is back in the ring, and Henry lifts him up and back breakers him over his knee. He keeps him there bent over backwards over Henry’s knee. Bourne tries to counter with some ridiculously bad punches of his own, then gets a knee up into the side of Mark Henry’s head. Henry releases the hold, but he’s enraged enough that he grabs Evan’s head and throws him down to the mat backward. Evan flips over from the force. Henry goes back to the back breaker stretch. This time it takes Evan three knees to the side of the head, and the three knees appear to have stunned Henry. He’s still down on one knee, and Evan follows up with two more roundhouse kicks. Bourne runs to the ropes and slingshots drop kicks right into Henry’s back. Bourne manages to roll Henry onto his back, and gets a two count. Somehow, this has hurt Evan greatly, as he staggers to the corner. Henry follows him in for a head butt. Evan slumps in the corner, and Henry postures a moment, then runs in for the splash. Should have forgone the posturing, because that gave Evan time to recover, and he moves at the last minute. Henry is winded by hitting the ring post, so Evan takes the opportunity for a dropkick to Henry’s knee, followed by an enziguiri. He climbs the ropes. Henry’s in perfect position for You-Know-What, but no! Henry recovers and rolls out of the ring. For a minute, I think Bourne is going to try it anyway, but he climbs down, and does a moonsault off the apron, and Henry catches him. He tries to run Evan into the ring post, but Evan slides off Henry’s back, and Henry eats it instead. Nice little exchange there! Henry has no idea where he is, and staggers towards the ring. Evan goes up to the top turnbuckle, jumps and lands a Thesz press right on Henry’s collarbones, and Bourne’s knees hit the mat. Ouch. Oh, did I mention the referee has been counting this whole time? Well, we just notice he has, and he’s making his way towards ten. Henry is down on his hands and knees, and Bourne notices the count as well, He uses Henry to vault himself into the ring, just before the referee hits ten. Winner by countout: Evan Bourne. Henry is enraged and commences to ripping apart ring steps.

For some reason, Finlay is pulled out of the six-man tag match, because of blurred vision. So, maybe that wasn’t him breaking things up in the back? They didn’t actually SHOW him. Striker and Matthews wonder what’s going to happen.

Never fear, because after the commercials, GM the Tiffany is talking with Christian and Dreamer. She makes it a handicapped match, since it was their brawl that hurt Finlay.

Match 3: The Hart Dynasty/Jack Swagger v. Tommy Dreamer/Christian

Natalya decides to give everyone a history lesson, and basically introduces the new Hart Dynasty, and how they are relevant. Tyson Kidd is Bret Hart’s protégé, and David Hart Smith, the only son of the British Bulldog. And then there’s her, the only daughter of legendary Jim ‘the Anvil’ Niedhart. Even though they’re supposed to be heels, they get cheers. Then they turn on the heel, because they are a part of something that no one in the audience or backstage will ever be a part of, because collectively, they are the Hart dynasty. She adjusts Kidd’s goofy hair.

Back from commercial, and Swagger has joined them. The faces make their way out one at a time, first Dreamer, then Christian. We start with Smith and Christian in the ring. Smith works Christian’s arm pretty well, but then Christian reverses. They do some nifty mat wrestling, and Smith manages to push Christian in to the corner. The referee calls for a break. Back to what they were doing before, and the Smith flips Christian over. Christian counters with the same, getting Smith into an armbar for a bit. Smith works his way to stand, which allows Christian to get to his corner and tag in Dreamer.

Dreamer comes in for like two seconds, yanks on Smith’s arm for a bit, and then tags Christian back in. Okay.

Christian goes up top and jumps down with a double axe handle onto Smith’s arm. He gets Smith in a headlock, and then our first rope work begins. Christian crosses two-three times, and then Smith shoulder blocks him down. Smith covers for two. He power Christian in to the corner, where the two exchange some kicks. Christian leaps off the second rope for a sunset flip, getting a two count. Smith gets Christian tied up in an inverted chicken wing, and tags in Swagger.

Swagger grabs Christian around the waist and throws him to the mat. The two roll over one way, then back the next. Swagger keeps him in the bear hug. He tries to toss Christian around the ring, but Christian works out of it. Not for long, as Swagger lifts him up and power slams him. He gets a two count. Back up, and Swagger powers Christian into the corner, and the referee calls for a break. Swagger backs up to run in for a splash, but Christian moves. He grabs Swagger from behind for a roll up, but again it’s only a two count. Both men are back up, and Swagger gets a Bitchslap of Disrespect from Christian. Christian tags in Tommy, and then whips Swagger to the ropes. He drop toe-holds him on the rebound, and Tommy elbow drops him.

Dreamer turns him over for a one count, and then gets Swagger into the corner, with a series of kicks. The referee calls him back, and they two exchange corner whips. Swagger eats a boot to the face, followed by a flying clothesline off the second rope. He gets Swagger into a headlock, and then heads to his corner to tag in Christian. The two hit a double vertical suplex. Christian makes a quick cover, and then tags Dreamer in. Dreamer gets him into the corner, and punches, then runs him into Christian’s big boot, tagging Christian back in. Dreamer and Christian discuss what they’re doing next, while the referee counts. Swagger gets up and dives at them both, and they both duck, pulling the ropes down, so Swagger goes sailing out. This brings in Swagger’s two partners, each eating a clothesline. Christian goes up top and leaps onto Swagger who is standing finally. Christian tosses him back in, makes a cover for two. Swagger recovers enough and picks Christian up for a body slam. The two exchange blows in the corner, and then Christian again goes up top. He’s on the second rope in the corner, when he’s distracted by Tyson Kidd long enough for Swagger to recover and get on the second ropes as well. They exchange punches there, and Swagger backs down. He goes again and Christian is going for…well, I’m not sure what, but Swagger counters it with what I can only call a jackknife suplex, if only for the ridiculous hang time. Both men are down. Swagger rolls out as Kidd comes in (although I didn’t see the tag on three rewinds), and we fade to some commercials.

After a ridiculously long break, Swagger and Christian are the legal men. We’re back in the corner, just like we were before, and this time Christina hits a reverse DDT off the second ropes. Both men are town, and the referee is counting. Christian tags dreamer in first. Dreamer is a house o’fire, even drop kicking Kidd off the apron. He hits a neckbreaker on Swagger, and a power slam for a 2 count. Swagger is stunned, and easily gets into the tree of Woe. E-C-W and a drop kick to Swagger. He goes for the DDT, but Swagger reverses into a backslam. He covers for two, and Swagger rolls towards his corner, tagging in Smith.

Smith puts the boots to Tommy, then starts to punch and kick him down in the corner. The referee breaks it up, and Tyson Kidd gets involved as the referee’s back is turned. Smith drags Tommy to the middle, gets a one-count, then applies a submission hold that doesn’t work so well, as Tommy hits a facebreaker. Smith recovers with some punches and an elbow drop. Smith hits a neckbreaker, and covers for two. Smith has Tommy back in a headlock. He runs Tommy into his own corner, and tags in Tyson Kidd, who peppers Dreamer with kicks. Kidd gets a one count, and then applies his own head lock. Dreamer works to a stand and hits an atomic drop on Kidd. He tries to make it to the corner, but Kidd has a hold of his ankle, and drags him back, tagging in Smith. Smith hits a delayed vertical suplex. He goes back to the submission holds. Tommy breaks free and lands his own Bitchslap of Disrespect, that knocks Smith down. As he does so, he tags in Swagger.

Swagger gets a quick pin, but then goes to a bear hug submission. Tommy gets up to his feet and reaches dramatically for Christian. Will he make it? Will he? No, as Swagger drops Tommy and punches Christian off the ropes. Swagger drags Tommy to the corner, and then tags in Kidd. Kid puts the boots to Tommy, and gets a headlock. Tommy is able to grab Kidd’s knees, and lift him up and back in a back suplex. The referee starts the ten count again, and this time Dreamer is able to tag in Christian.

Christian is in with the punches and slaps and knocks Kidd on his butt. Irish whip to a back body drop, but Kidd is able to come back with a knee and then an attempt at a toss, which Christian counters into the set up for the Killswitch. Kidd counters though and pushes Christian to the corner. This is a bad idea, as it actually sets Christian up nicely for the pendulum kick formerly known as the Fulcrum. Christian hits a flying shoulder block of the second rope, then cleans house at the heel’s corner. He goes up top to their corner for the missile drop kick. He makes the cover, but Smith breaks it up. This brings Dreamer in, and he clotheslines Smith out of the ring, and himself as well. Kidd hits a leaping kick, and then tags in Swagger. Swagger runs Christian shoulder first into the ring post, and then hits the gut wrench power bomb. He makes the pin and it’s one-two-three. Winner: Hart Dynasty/Jack Swagger.

Dreamer comes in to beat the crap out of Swagger, but Kidd and Smith are right there. They hit the Hart Attack and then all four pose in the ring.

ECW continues to be mostly entertaining. Yes, even Mark Henry. The main event bogged down just before the finish with the clinic of submission holds, but the end continues the feud nicely.