Yes, I’m done with my horrible but effective diet. After 2 months of eating only fruit, vegetables, milk, and yogurt (and 1 steak), I’m 45 pounds lighter and I can jog a ½ mile, which is sadly a big deal for me. Plus, now I weight the same amount as my idol, Homer Simpson, who actually weighs surprisingly little.

The Off-The-Wagon Challenge continued as Rock N’ Rave Infection took on Beer Money. They put on a solid match and RnR even hit some nice moves, like a 3D type maneuver where Rave bounced Storm’s head off his knee and an inverted Razor’s Edge by Rock, but some distraction by Jacki led to Rock getting pinned and fired. Sadly, he didn’t get quite the emotional sendoff that Petey did. Hmmm, who ever would have thought that teaming with the Voodoo Kin Mafia, then turning on them and teaming up with Christy Hemme wouldn’t get Lance Hoyt over with the fans? And why do the refs care so much when valets gets up on the apron? And speaking of valets...

Madison Rayne turned heel by slapping Taylor Wilde and letting her get beatdown after Taylor was unavailable for a tag during their match against the Beautiful People. I’m not sure why we should care since Madison’s only been around for a month and basically looks like a mop with blonde hair and boobs. And speaking of pointless turns...

Sowhocares Sojourner Bolt and Raka Khan turned face only a month or two after turning heel. They came out and cut an anti-Kong promo full of sassy Black girl tude and poetry slamming and then were impressively unimpressive in a tag team victory against Kong and Raeesha Saeed. After Sojo pinned Saeed with a backslide (whoop de doo), Kong provided the only interesting part of this segment by vicously awesomebombing Sojo onto Raka Khan.

Booker T revealed that his name was Huffman (to the delight of the Mafia) when he called the cops on AJ Styles for attacking him in his locker room 2 weeks ago-excellent response time by the cops. Booker rambled on about locking up AJ until the cops left, at which point AJ showed up, ducked a punch by Booker and beat on him until security broke it up. I guess AJ must have then escaped before the cops returned.

Samoa Joe must have gotten upset that Steiner said he could attack Joe from behind with the help of a doughnut-baited trap, so he attacked Steiner from behind and held a knife to his throat. Yes, a knife. No, the cops didn’t seem to care. Yes, that’s completely retarded.

Hoobastank debuted some horrible, horrible song, as the background to a decent Ultimate X match video.

Motor City Machine Guns and Lethal Consequences had a nice 4-way ladder match for the X-title, which suffered from missing the 5-15 extra minutes wasted on Booker’s time with the cops or the many MEM promos. Still, there was some nice action and a few cool ladder spots-like Chris Sabin hitting Creed with an STO onto a ladder suspended between another ladder and the turnbuckle-which were even nicer since it was a logical setup and not random construction for the sake of the spots. Shelley won after hitting a sliced bread on Lethal, but his celebration was cut short when A VIDEO CHARACTER CAME TO LIFE and Suicide ziplined down to knock him off the ladder, destroy all the participants, and then fake committing Suicide. Boy, is Suicide cool or what?

Mick Foley surprisingly talked about the WWE and put Orton over in his Hardcore History segment. Well, I was wrong about that, though I don’t see the point of putting over Orton or Foley’s hardcoreness when Foley clearly is in no shape to wrestle anytime soon.

Don West finally got a chance to speak. After insulting Tenay a few times, he got up and called Tenay out for not defending him while TNA was thinking of firing him. I’m not sure if he was fired or not (I was on the treadmill), but it probably doesn’t matter since he told Tenay to shove the mic up his ass and left. Tenay made his stupid tough guy face the whole time. And just like that, TNA gets what it always needed, another announcer angle.

Dr. Stevie got another segment which revealed that Abyss is a fan of the Jonas Brothers.

The Main Event Mafia rocked their new MEM jumpsuits and tried to put all the pieces back together again. First, they came to the ring so Tenay could pretend to be a journalist, but Nash berated him for being a Jarrett/Foley stooge and trying to stir the pot. Then Jarrett came down and said the Angle/Sting title match would happen at Destination X. Booker said no way and threatened Jarrett, who told him to shut it and then set up a contract signing for later in the show. And we all know how exciting contract signings are! Everyone but Sting came down for the contract signing but Nash told Jarrett that the match wasn’t going to happen. So Jarrett turned to Kurt and questioned his godfatherhood and possession of balls, leading to a funny “no balls” chant. Kurt signed the contract and then hit Jarrett with an Angle Slam. Foley shambled down to the ring, asked the MEM to back off, and then brilliantly turned his back on them so Kurt could lock on the Anklelock. Then Sting came running down, blasted Kurt with his bat, helped up Foley & Jarrett, then signed the contract to set up the match at Destination X. “OMG, is this the end of the Mafia?” screamed Tenay.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Decent show. We got some pointless turns by Knockouts and Don West, and some nice action in the OTW challenge and the ladder match. The contract signing was actually better than most and it was nice to see Sting actually turn against the MEM (or at least Kurt) and save someone from a beatdown. Too bad that he will almost certainly lose his title to Kurt after being blasted by a Jarrett guitar shot. Hopefully, that will at least lead to the Frontline actually hanging out with each other like an actual, existing team, instead of just doing their own thing and never acknowledging each other in any way while Tenay insists that they’re a stable.