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In Your House #6 Re-Revued
November 3, 2004

by Adam Gutschmidt
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com


This month’s Sunny viewer discretion video: her on the beach in a blue two piece.  Me likee

Emanating from the Louisville Gardens in Louisville, KY

Your commentators are Vince McMahon and Jerry “the King” Lawler

Crybaby Match: Razor Ramon vs. The 1-2-3 Kid

Loser of this match must be dressed as a baby.  The Kid comes down with a stroller carrying a Razor bear.  Said bear is thrown in Razor’s face, so he retaliates by throwing his toothpick in the Kid’s face.  Now it’s on!  Razor clotheslines the Kid to the floor and he’s all fired up.  The 

Kid comes back by launching himself into the ring and clotheslining Razor.  Using his educated feet, the Kid is able to take it to Razor.  A hiptoss attempt by the Kid is blocked and now Razor is back in control.  Razor hits the fallaway slam and goes for the Razor’s Edge, but the Kid quickly bails.  As Razor goes for the Kid, Ted Dibiase throws baby powder in his face, which somehow the referee didn’t see.  The Kid nails Razor with a top rope dropkick, but only gets a nearfall out of it.  After hitting Razor with a pair of his shitty legdrops, the Kid hits him with a frog splash but again gets a 2 count.  The Kid locks on a sleeper that is so devastating Razor has to pull his hair away from his face just to block out the pain.  With Razor locked in the sleeper, Lawler takes the time to make as many baby puns as possible.  Razor finally escapes by picking the Kid up and crotching him on the top rope.  A slugfest breaks out, which Razor easily wins.  Razor tries for the top rope back suplex, but the Kid elbows him down.  The Kid hits a flying bodypress, which Razor rolls through and gets a 2 count.  A spinning heel kick by the Kid gets another nearfall.  Razor catches the Kid coming off the ropes and climbs up to give the Kid a fallaway slam from the second rope.  Ted Dibiase gets on the apron to distract Razor, while the Kid gets some more powder.  The plan backfires though as Razor kicks the powder in the Kid’s face.  Razor hits the Razor’s Edge and covers, but picks him up at 2.  Uh oh!  No worries though as Razor quickly picks the Kid back up, hits a second Razor’s Edge and finishes him off.

Postmatch: Razor feeds the Kid a bottle and then puts a diaper on him.  The Kid wakes up and starts crying realizing what has happened.

Bottom Line: The proper blowoff to this long-standing feud.  It’s a shame that its end had to be mired in such a stupid gimmick as this.  It wasn’t helping either guy, but it really didn’t matter as they were both gone shortly after this.  Since we had two Cliquesters here, the match was solid, but certainly could have been better.  ** ¾

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Duke “the Dumpster” Droese

Prematch notes: With HHH done with his feud with Henry Godwinn, the “American blueblood” needed a new grimy wrestler to be pitted against.  The garbage man was a natural choice.  Extra fuel was added to the fire of this feud after HHH attacked Duke a few weeks before this match and cut off all his long hair.  Also, HHH had started a gimmick where he would be accompanied by a different young woman to each of his matches.  This would lead to a new feud next month.  But for tonight, he’s being escorted by Elizabeth Hilden.  After doing some “research” I found out this woman was actually a Penthouse Pet.  Duke comes out all fired up and HHH does all sorts of bumping for him.  As Duke goes for a 10 punch count in the corner, HHH stops him with a modified Snake Eyes.  Oh lord, they’ve put HHH’s valet du jour next to Lawler.  Well, we’ve lost him for this match.  HHH goes for the Pedigree, but Duke reverses it into an atomic drop.  Duke charges at HHH, but gets backdropped to the floor.  Now HHH takes over as he whips Duke into the steps.  A kneedrop gets 2 for HHH.  A suplex by HHH gets him another nearfall.  A double clothesline puts both men down.  Duke starts his comeback with a spinebuster.  LOL moment of the night as Duke is in control and proclaims, “It’s time to take out the trash”.  Then, they cut to a shot of the crowd cheering.  Vince says, “A lot of people would like to see that”, to which Lawler replies, “Oh, I thought that was the trash”.  Duke hits the Trash Compactor (a tilt-a-whirl slam) but doesn’t cover.  Instead, Duke goes and throws his garbage can and lid into the ring.  The referee puts the can right back out of the ring and as he does that, HHH takes the lid and smashes it in Duke’s face.  HHH quickly removes the evidence and picks up the victory.  Duke has no one to blame but himself for that loss. 

BL: Well despite storyline logic saying Duke should win here, they made the right move by having HHH go over.  Smarts and marks alike can see that HHH is being groomed as a rising star and Duke is simply a joke.  Despite that joke status, Duke isn’t that bad of a worker, thus we got some perfectly acceptable wrestling here.  ** ¼

- A video from RAW is shown to explain how Yokozuna is no longer part of Camp Cornette and then for the first time in his WWF career, Yoko cuts a promo that consists of more than simply, “Banzai”.  After he’s done talking, Dok Hendrix says “get ready for a train wreck”.  I agree with Dok, yet I don’t think we’re thinking the same thing.

Yokozuna vs. The British Bulldog

A slugfest breaks out, which Yokozuna easily wins.  Yoko gets a powerslam, but misses a follow-up elbow.  A series of clotheslines by the Bulldog knocks Yoko down.  With the referee distracted, Cornette gets a shot with his tennis racquet on Yoko.  Yoko reverses a whip and then avalanches the Bulldog in the corner.  Cornette pulls the Bulldog out of the ring, before Yoko can hit the Banzai Drop.  On the floor, Yoko charges at the Bulldog, but only hits the post.  A double ax handle by the Bulldog gets 2.  Yoko nails the Bulldog as he tries for a second.  The Bulldog begs for mercy after Yoko hits him with a Samoan drop.  Yoko gives him some in the form of a belly-to-belly suplex.  Cornette gets in the ring and nails Yoko with his tennis racquet which draws the blatant DQ.

Postmatch: After no-selling the racquet shots, Yoko goes after Cornette.  Before Yoko can do anything, Vader comes down and attacks him.  Vader handcuffs Yoko to the ropes and he and the Bulldog beat him up until the Usual Bunch of Idiots separate them.

BL: Thankfully they were smart to keep it short.  That allowed the match to have action throughout with the necessary restholds.  Naturally, I would prefer a finish that didn’t involve a DQ, but I can also understand why didn’t want to job either guy.  The Postmatch beatdown could have been more effective, but I won’t lose sleep over it.  *

- A nice video package showcases Shawn’s health problems and how Owen has taken credit for them.  That naturally irked Shawn and he has put up his Wrestlemania title shot against Owen to shut him up.  This was good but it could have used a cheesy music video to really make it great.

Shawn Michaels vs. Owen Hart for the Wrestlemania title shot

Shawn makes his grand entrance by swinging from the roof of the In Your House set down to the aisle on a rope.  He then launches Owen from the ring, so he can have it to himself to do his little striptease.  The bell rings, but that doesn’t stop Shawn from stalling more to mug for the fans.  Owen tries to win favor with the audience on the floor only to get hit by Shawn with a flying bodypress from the top rope.  A double ax handle by Shawn gets 2.  Shawn does some more hot-dogging by pulling Owen’s hair while Cornette yells at the referee.  Owen finally puts a stop to Shawn with a powerslam as Shawn was coming off the ropes.  A neckbreaker by Owen gets a nearfall.  Shawn blocks a Sharpshooter attempt, but Owen stays on the attack.  Lawler has a funny line about how Owen invented the Camel Clutch.  Shawn breaks out of said Camel Clutch, but gets nailed with a high knee as he came off the ropes.  A spinning heel kick by Owen sends Shawn to the outside.  Cornette tries to get a shot in, but the referee catches him.  Shawn blocks Owen’s attempt to suplex him in the ring and instead suplexes Owen to the floor.  Owen quickly recovers however, catching Shawn coming off the apron and powerslams him to the floor.  A top rope dropkick by Owen gets him another close count.  Owen whips Shawn to the corner where he does his flip, flop, and fly sell and then follows it up with a hard clothesline.  The Sharpshooter is locked on, but Shawn makes it to the ropes.  After slamming Shawn to the mat, Owen gives him the Snot Rocket.  That is always such a dickish move and I LOVE IT!  Shawn doesn’t though as he rolls Owen up, but only gets 2.  Owen hits Shawn with the enziguri and it knocks him to the outside.  This is the same move that put Shawn out before, so the announcers have already proclaimed him dead here.  With Shawn seemingly going to be counted out, Owen stupidly brings him back into the ring.  Any points Owen gained with me by doing the Snot Rocket, he lost by doing that.  Shawn hits the forearm and then kips up.  After slamming Owen, Shawn goes up and hits the big elbow.  Cornette gets nailed for his troubles and then Shawn goes for Sweet Chin Music but misses.  Owen tries for another enziguri, but he too misses.  That slows Shawn to hit Sweet Chin Music and get the victory.

Postmatch: Shawn dances with a long-haired kid decked out in Shawn Michaels merchandise.  Since we’re in Kentucky, I can’t be sure whether it’s a boy or a girl.

BL: While the wrestling is solid, the whole match was so formulaic that it became a bore to sit through.  Clearly, the whole storyline dictated that Owen would once again nail Shawn in the head, yet this time, he would be able to overcome the odds.  Owen was game here despite knowing he’d clearly be playing second banana on The Shawn Show tonight.  ***

- We waste time as they set up the cage by having Todd Pettingil talk with acting president Rowdy Roddy Piper.  Gorilla Monsoon was injured at the hands of Vader and clearly Piper was the best man to fill in.  Piper makes a few announcements regarding Wrestlemania…1) Shawn Michaels is the #1 contender (duh), 2) Yokozuna vs. Vader one-on-one (didn’t happen).  Before Piper can make any more dumb announcements, Cornette comes out and makes some idle threats.  These two scream at each other long enough for the ring crew to finish and then leave with nothing else of importance said.

Steel Cage Match for the WWF Championship: Bret “the Hitman” Hart (champ) vs. Diesel

As Bret makes his entrance, we see Diesel standing flat-footed touching the top of the cage, which makes me question the validity of the “15 ft. high steel cage” boast.  Both men slug it out and Diesel easily wins that war.  These slugfests are rather one-sided tonight.  Bret rams Diesel’s head in the cage to slow him down.  After a second shot into the cage, Diesel goes down and Bret tries to escape out the top.  Diesel grabs Bret and repeatedly rams Bret’s back into the cage.  Diesel strolls over to the door, but Bret stops him and goes to work on Diesel’s leg.  As Bret begins to crawl out the door, Diesel grabs his leg and drags him back in.  Diesel hits a backbreaker, but misses a follow-up elbow.  Bret begins to climb up as Diesel goes over by the door.  Deciding he won’t get out first, Bret stops his escape and grabs Diesel.  After softening Diesel up some more, Bret climbs up and actually gets over.  However, Diesel grabs him by the hair and pulls him back in and then throws him off the top rope ala Flair.  Bret boots a charging Diesel and then hits him with a bulldog.  Diesel blocks another escape by Bret by nailing him with a back suplex.  Charging toward Bret, Diesel misses and rams his knee into the turnbuckle.  Like a shark to blood, Bret begins to feast on the injury.  Diesel recovers and whips Bret HARD into the corner, which naturally sounds worse being in a cage.  A kick to Diesel’s knee allows Bret to climb over and get real close to the floor.  Diesel once again is able to grab him, however, and drag him back in.  Now Diesel gives Bret his first taste of the steel.  Bret again gets whipped HARD into the corner and now Diesel is in firm control.  Diesel goes for Snake Eyes but Bret escapes.  A thumb to the eye by Diesel prevents Bret from locking on the Sharpshooter.  Bret realizes he went too soon for the Sharpshooter and now goes through his Trademark 5.  As Bret makes another ascent, Diesel lowblows him.  Diesel crawls toward the door, but Bret grabs his leg.  After kicking Bret off, Diesel seemingly has the match won, when all of a sudden, a hole is ripped in the mat and the Undertaker pops out.  Taker pulls Diesel into the hole as smoke billows out.  This allows Bret to climb out of the cage and to the floor. 

Postmatch: Both Diesel and Taker reemerge from the hole and Diesel escapes from the cage before Taker can do anything else to him.

BL: Not a very exciting cage match.  It was your clichéd WWF cage match: punch, kick, kick, escape, stop escape, repeat.  This was like their Survivor Series match only minus the creativity and brutality.  And most frustrating of all was the finish.  While original at the time it comes off as more gay spooky (gay spooky is a registered trademark of Rick “The Rick” Scaia) than cool.

Final Thoughts: The second half of the show was frustrating as it continued to use the WWF champ as a plot device for a B-feud, while Shawn was being made to look like a million f’n dollars in his matches.  The first half of the show was a throwaway stuff as the fed treaded water until Wrestlemania.  So in conclusion, if you’re a Bret Hart fan, don’t bother with this.  If you like Shawn than this show probably won’t annoy you that much.

Next time, we see who else is lucky enough to get on Wrestlemania since Bret and Shawn take up a third of the show.

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.      


Originally from Cleveland, Adam is now a graduate student at the University of Dayton who is looking to make a couple extra bucks writing this column. What do you mean Rick doesn't pay his columnists?

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