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OOLD TYME RASSLIN' REVUE
In Your House #1 Re-Revued
September 1, 2004

by Adam Gutschmidt
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

OK, folks by this point you may have noticed a few things 1) there was no review last week and 2)this is not the review for Wrestlemania XI.  Shockingly, those two things are connected.  For whatever reason in my transit from my summer home in Cleveland and my fall residence here in Dayton, I lost my review for Wrestlemania XI.  I also did not bring the tape with me so I couldn’t redo the show.  So I’ve decided to forge ahead chronologically and someday, when you least expect it, I’ll present you with all my great insights for that show.  I’m sorry to the five of you who were waiting with anticipation for all my witty remarks on Salt-n-Pepa’s ode to Lawrence Taylor, but you’ll just have to wait a little longer.
 
Now when we last checked in, we had an inquiry as to the writer of the WWF wedding song “Together”.  I had said that I thought it was an in-house production done by the WWF’s own Jim Johnson.  Well, I was partially right.  Many of you wrote in to inform me that Jimmy Hart was involved in the writing of the song.  Some mentioned an

interview that Jimmy Hart did recently where he said that he wrote the song and that Macho Man and Elizabeth actually recorded vocals for it.  Who knew the same man who betrayed many a tag team actually had a soft side?  Many thanks to all who wrote me with this information.

Also, I got an interesting email from James, who, in response to my Royal Rumble ’95 review, asked me “Would you agree that Pam and Shawn were meant for each other at the end of this PPV, considering that they proved to be the biggest hypochondriacs (I repeat, I am talking about Shawn "I Lost My Smile" Michaels and Pamela "I'm going to die in 10 years" Anderson).  I can honestly say that I never thought about it that way.  If anything, I would say they were meant for each other because he had an inflated ego and she had an inflated chest.  I’ll leave it up to you my readers to come up for other creative ways as to why Shawn and Pam were meant for each other.  Any that I find particularly creative, I’ll post next week.

I know what you’re thinking…enough rambling, just get on with the review.  I agree, so away we go.

OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue for WWF In Your House: May 1995

- Emanating from the OnCenter in the home of the Shawn Michaels fan club headquarters, Syracuse, New York

- Your commentators are Vince McMahon and Dok Hendrixxx

- This was the beginning of monthly Pay-Per-Views for the WWF.  These non Big 5 ones were originally only 2 hours long.  To entice viewers even more they were giving away a house during this show.

Opening Match: Hakushi vs. Bret “the Hitman” Hart

Bret is pulling double duty tonight by wrestling Hakushi and then Jerry “the King” Lawler later tonight.  That is a good way to book a new PPV, says I.  Bret says in a pre-match interview, he’s dedicating his match tonight to his mom since it’s Mother’s Day.  Sounds like someone forgot to buy a gift.  Backstory for this match is that Bret was receiving an award from the Japanese media a few months ago on Superstars.  Hakushi took offense and attacked him.  For what it’s worth, I’ll just add that I always thought Hakushi had a cool entrance.  Hakushi gets a quick headlock and we’re underway.  Both men trade mat skills and try going for the other’s arm.  After a series of armdrags by Bret, Hakushi decides to take a breather outside.  Hakushi whips Bret HARD chest-first into the corner.  This must not be a long match if they are already going to that spot.  As Hakushi hits a splash off the second rope, we see Lawler is excitedly watching the match in the back.  Hakushi chokes out Bret in the corner and then hits a Bronco Buster on him, minus the gay humping.  Bret tries to go for a rollup but Hakushi sends him through the ropes and to the floor.  Hakushi then distracts the referee while Shinja stomps away on Bret.  Hakushi hits a handspring elbow, but doesn’t elect to cover him.  Bret comes firing out of the corner.  Hakushi escapes a sideslam by Bret and then hits him with a gut wrench suplex.  That gets a 2 count.  Another nearfall for Hakushi after hitting a top rope headbutt.  Bret avoids a springboard bodypress by Hakushi and begins his comeback.  After hitting the Trademark 5, Bret is distracted from applying the Sharpshooter by Shinja.  Bret doesn’t lose focus for long though and absolutely takes Hakushi’s head off with a clothesline.  Shinja trips Bret coming off the ropes, so Bret gets up and dives through the ropes onto him.  Big pop for that!  Back inside, Hakushi goes for a suplex but Bret blocks it and suplexes them both to the floor.  Whoa, big bump there.  As Bret tries to get back into the ring, Shinja grabs his leg.  While Bret brawls with Shinja, Hakushi hits a springboard moonsault on Bret.  Hakushi brings Bret back in and tries to roll him up but Bret reverses it into a victory roll and gets the 3 count. 

Postmatch: As Bret leaves the ring, he seems to injure that trick knee of his.

Bottom Line: Bret basically gave Hakushi carte blanche to do whatever and Bret would sell it.  Hakushi seemed like he was going to squander the opportunity as he spent most of the match choking and chopping Bret.  He really picked it up in the closing minute though and made himself seem like a real force.  *** ¼

- Stephanie Wiand narrates a video of the armored car delivering the entries for the house contest to the arena.  If that sounded interesting to you please consult a physician, you may be in a coma.

Handicap Match: Razor Ramon vs. “Double J” Jeff Jarrett (IC Champ) and The Roadie

This was originally going to be a tag match with The 1-2-3 Kid as Razor’s partner, but gee wouldn’t you know it, the Kid was injured and couldn’t compete.  The Roadie and Jarrett both try to wrestle Razor but the referee escorts the Roadie out.  A discus punch sends Jarrett to the floor.  Razor chases Jarrett on the outside, but gets clobbered from behind by the Roadie.  Back inside, Jarrett goes to work on Razor, nailing him with an enziguri.  Coming off the ropes, Jarrett gets caught in a fallaway slam.  Razor covers but the Roadie makes the save.  The Roadie makes his first official entrance into the match and gets some tepid offense on Razor before quickly tagging Jarrett.  Razor and Jarrett trade nearfalls.  Jarrett and the Roadie are now making quick tags to wear down Razor.  Razor punches Jarrett coming off the second rope to start his comeback.  Jarrett backdrops Razor to the floor after he tried hitting the Razor’s Edge.  After being nailed by the Roadie on the outside, Razor barely makes it back in before the 10 count.  Razor rolls through Jarrett’s high bodypress but only gets a 2 count.  A collision in the middle of the ring leaves both Razor and Jarrett down and out.  Jarrett decides not to tag and ends up getting hit with a back suplex by Razor.  Tag is finally made to the Roadie, who comes in and nails “something” from the second rope on Razor.  That shockingly only gets 2.  The Roadie then opts to put on a chinlock.  He waited all that time on the apron and already needs to use a resthold.  Yokozuna has better conditioning than that.  Razor breaks free and plants the Roadie’s face into the mat.  Jarrett is back in now, but is getting pummeled by a resurgent Razor.  While distracted, Jarrett kicks Razor in the back of the knee.  Jarrett goes for the figure four leglock, but Razor shoves him off and into the Roadie.  Razor grabs a dazed Jarrett and hits the Razor’s Edge for the 1-2-3.

Postmatch: Jarrett and the Roadie jump Razor and attack his knee.  Aldo Montoya comes down for the save, but Jarrett and the Roadie easily fend off jockstrap boy.  While Jarrett and the Roadie continue beating on Razor, an unknown man comes in and cleans house.  The Usual Bunch of Idiots come out and escort him from the ring.

BL: The handicap environment allowed more heat to be put on Jarrett after he’s spent the past few months looking like a real chump.  Having said that, the match probably would have been better with the Kid in it.  Chalk this up to a win some, lose some situation.  As it was, match was the standard stuff we’ve already seen from these two.  ** ½

- Backstage, Jerry Lawler complains to Jack Tunney (is he still around?) that he wants his match with Bret right now since he knows Bret is hurt.  Tunney won’t budge though.  I swear William Henry Harrison was a more effective president.

- A Sid video package is shown where he powerbombs a bunch of Clique members.  Uhh…wouldn’t this have been more effective to show on the programs before the PPV?  I mean, they only have 2 hours here, do they need to waste time showing this?  At least is gave me a chance to hear Sid’s sweet theme music.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Adam Bomb vs. Mabel

Plus 5 points for having matches that build from PPV to PPV.  Minus 10,000 points for having that match include Mabel.  Speaking of Baby Ruth, he and Mo turned heel after losing to the Gunns, getting upset and taking their frustrations out on Oscar.  Needless to say the heel turn didn’t send shockwaves through the wrestling community.  Mo talks smack to Bomb, so Bomb decks him, which prompts Mabel to attack.  Mabel misses a charge and Bomb goes on offense.  A shoulder tackle sends Mabel to the floor.  Bomb hits a couple of nice aerial moves but can only get 1 counts on Mabel.  Mabel is so slow to react that he figures he should kick out after 1 just to be on the safe side.  A spinning heel kick by Mabel grounds Bomb.  Mabel catches Bomb coming off the ropes and slams him.  That’s enough for a squasherrific 3 count.

BL: Wow, what did Adam Bomb do to get jobbed out like this?  Match was a complete squash and done in slow motion.  What was the reason for this, I mean it’s not like this guy has a chance of winning King of the Ring, right?  ½ *

- Todd catch up with Razor in the Superstar Line room and Razor introduces the mystery man from earlier as his friend Savio Vega.  I wonder how a guy from Minneapolis ever became friends with a guy from the Caribbean?  I guess that’s something we’ll never know.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: Owen Hart and Yokozuna (champs) vs. The Smoking Gunns

As the Gunns come to the ring, Lawler comes out to try and have his match now, but he’s quickly escorted to the back.  Yoko starts off but doesn’t do much before tagging Owen.  Way to contribute lardbutt.  Gunns do a nice double team maneuver that involves Billy dropkicking Owen while he’s set up in a delayed suplex.  The Gunns will never be remembered as one of the greatest WWF tag teams, but they always had some unique double team moves.  While Billy yells at Fuji, Owen comes over, nails him with an enziguri and tags Yoko.  The heels begin to make frequent tags to make Billy your cowboy-in-distress.  On the outside, Yoko misses a charge and runs into the post.  Owen also misses a charge in the ring, which allows Billy to tag.  Gunns hit a tandem neckbreaker on Owen, but it only gets two.  Bart goes for a bodypress, but misses and flies to the floor.  By this time, Yoko has gotten up and legdrops Bart on the floor.  Bart is rolled back in where Owen covers and gets the pinfall.

BL: A disappointing, short match.  There was nothing really bad here but it never got a chance to get on track.  They still need to figure out a way to make Yoko work within the format of a tag match.  * ½

- Diesel cuts an odd promo where he goes from lamenting about his recently deceased mom to calling himself a walrus.  Well, where he lacks in speaking, he makes up for in the ring.  Oh wait, scratch that.

- Lawler is in the ring with his “mom” (a leggy model) where he runs down Bret some more.  Nothing new here so I’m glad there was a hot chick I could stare at to distract me.  Meanwhile, Bret reveals to Todd backstage that his knee really isn’t hurt.  Lying on Mother’s Day; and you call yourself a role model.

Bret “the Hitman” Hart vs. Jerry “the King” Lawler

Storyline purpose for this match is that Bret had already signed on to wrestle Hakushi for this show.  Lawler was still harassing Bret every week on commentary and decided to state he had an open contract and challenge Bret, figuring he wouldn’t.  Bret called Lawler’s bluff and that brings us to right now.  Upon seeing that Bret’s knee is fine, Lawler tries running, but Bret stops him and starts to pound away.  Lawler bails to the floor, but Bret follows and continues to attack.  It’s all Bret until he puts his head down and Lawler nails him with a piledriver.  Bret no-sells and continues the punishment.  Bret hits Lawler with a piledriver of his own.  A rake to the eyes gives Lawler a brief time on offense.  Lawler’s “mom” looks concerned and I wish I could console her.  As Bret punches away on Lawler, Shinja comes down and distracts Earl Hebner.  Lawler is whipped to the ropes, which causes Hebner to get hung upside down by his ankle.  This allows Hakushi to come down and attack Bret.  Shinja frees the referee as Lawler covers and picks up the shocking 3 count.

Postmatch: Hakushi and Lawler try and attack some more, but Bret moves out of the way and then chases them off. 

BL: Being the Lawler mark that I am, I can’t help but enjoy everytime he gets the best of Bret.  But even I know this match was stinkeroo.  A short squash that wasn’t very enjoyable.  You would think this would lead to a Bret/Hakushi program, but it actually became a Bret/Lawler program.  And they wonder why ’95 was such a bad year?  ¾ *

- Sid cuts his usual serious “Master of the World” promo.  If he was half as serious about improving his ringwork as he is in his promos, he might not be as reviled by the marks.

- Todd and Stephanie give away the house.  This was straight out of morning talk show hell.  Let’s move on please.

WWF Championship Match: Diesel (champ) vs. Sid

OK, so here’s how we got here…the night after Wrestlemania XI, Shawn told Sid that he didn’t need his services anymore.  Sid snapped, natch, and powerbombed Shawn, putting him on the DL.  Diesel made the save and Shawn became a face again.  Sid joined the Million Dollar Corporation filling the void left by Bam Bam Bigelow after he was booted for losing to Lawrence Taylor.  Sid became the #1 contender and presto you have a main event.  Sid and Diesel staredown as Vince gets a hard-on.  Diesel shoves Sid to the mat and this one is underway.  Sid gets pummeled by Diesel and decides to take a powder.  Back in, it takes three clotheslines to knock Sid down.  Diesel covers but only gets 1.  As Dibiase jaws at Diesel, Sid knees him in the back.  Sid continues the assault on the floor, as Dibiase distracts the referee.  Diesel whips Sid to the corner, but gets nailed with an elbow when he follows him in.  Sid s  l  o  w  l  y works on Diesel’s back.  A camel clutch is applied to Diesel as I begin to doze off.  As Diesel starts to break free, Sid jumps on his back to put him right back down.  A legdrop by Sid gets 2.  Camel clutch is reapplied and they’re losing the crowd quickly.  We need 50 cc’s of action, stat!  Diesel escapes, but gets hit with a one-handed chokeslam.  Sid hits the powerbomb, but decides to pose instead of covering him.  He finally goes for the pin but Diesel kicks out at 2.  Diesel avoids a charging Sid and then gets him up for the Snake Eyes.  After nailing Sid with the Jackknife, he covers but Tatanka runs in and attacks him prompting the referee to call for the bell.

Postmatch: Tatanka and Sid continue the beating until Bam Bam makes the save.

BL: This was as good as you would expect from two big men, which isn’t much at all.  Let’s face it, as cool as Sid’s psycho character is, his moveset and mobility do not justify the main event push.  Unfortunately, it seems that it isn’t ending anytime soon.  * ¼

Final Thought: I must say that I was pretty impressed here.  All matches were built nicely and have matches built for next month.  Some were a little short but with a 2 hour timeframe, it is to be expected.  The main event scene isn’t pretty, but until Vince ends his infatuation with big men, we really can’t do too much about that.

Next time, I don’t throw this term around loosely, but I think it’s safe to call this show BEST PPV EVER!

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.

E-MAIL ADAM
BROWSE THE OOLD TYME ARCHIVES

Originally from Cleveland, Adam is now a graduate student at the University of Dayton who is looking to make a couple extra bucks writing this column. What do you mean Rick doesn't pay his columnists?


  
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