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OOLD TYME RASSLIN' REVUE
Royal Rumble 1995 Re-Revued
August 18, 2004

by Adam Gutschmidt
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

Let’s start off today with a little Rasslin Revue remark, shall we…
 
Dominic was kind enough to send me an email with his own personal experience from Survivor Series ’94, which I reviewed last week.  He writes, “The Bret Hart, Bob Backlund match seemed like it lasted a lot longer than I guess it really was. It seemed like Bret was in that chicken wing for at least 30 mins. And from what I remember, everyone was pretty pissed

off that Backlund won the title. Some dude in a Hot Rod tshirt sitting next to me even loudly cursed the old man out. I was also surprised that Shawn Micheals wasn't cheered more seeing that he was from SA. I went to a few house shows before that and when Shawn would come out the crowd would go nuts.”  Thanks for the story Dominic and remember kids, if you go to a live event, stay away from the guys wearing Piper t-shirts, they can be pretty vulgar. 

Also, Wayne emailed me inquiring about the “Together” song that was sung during the Macho/Liz wedding from Summerslam ’91 and subsequently at every other wedding the WWF/E has had.  He wanted to know who did that song.  As far as I know, I believe that is an in-house creation, presumably done by Jim Johnson.  If anyone knows otherwise, drop me a line.  I sure hope that they use it for the Kane/Lita wedding as I just think those two are going to make it in this crazy world.  And if they can’t make it, what chance do the rest of us have?

OK, enough fun, let’s get on with the show…

OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue for WWF Royal Rumble 1995

- We open with a Coliseum Video Exclusive that’s actually useful: the usual montage of Royal Rumble entrants who claim they will win.

- Emanating from the Sundome, in Tampa, Florida

- Your commentators are Vince McMahon and Jerry “the King” Lawler

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Razor Ramon (champ) vs. “Double J” Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett managed to overcome feuds with Mabel and being made a fool of by fuckin’ Chuck Norris to get this title shot so he better make the most of it.  Jarrett is now accompanied by the Roadie, who is better known as the Road Dogg.  Razor is fittingly wearing a yellow outfit in the Sunshine State.  Jarrett doesn’t get off to a great start falling prey to a fallaway slam and a chokeslam.  This prompts Jarrett to take a conference with the Roadie.  Jarrett hits an armdrag and decides to strut, which is a mortal sin in my book.  Razor has his hair messed up by Jarrett, which angers the “Cuban”.  A lot of stalling so far in this match by Jarrett.  Razor uses reverse psychology and messes up Jarrett’s hair.  Jarrett comes right back though with a trio of dropkicks.  Razor gets a backslide for 2.  A sleeper is applied by Jarrett, but he can’t hang on.  Jarrett tries to pin Razor with his feet on the rope for leverage, but each time Razor kicks out.  Nice try Jeff.  Razor uses the post to split the uprights on Jarrett.  A charging Razor is tossed over the top rope and to the floor by Jarrett.  Razor appears to have hurt his knee on the fall.  And if it wasn’t hurt before, the Roadie makes sure it is now as he clips Razor from behind.  The referee counts to 10 and Jarrett has won by countout.  Whaaa?  Jarrett doesn’t like this at all.  Then why did he have the Roadie clip him in the first place?  Anyways, he challenges Razor again and he accepts.  Razor manages to get a quick rollup and then a small package but both for 2 counts.  Jarrett then begins to really work over Razor’s knee.  The figure four is applied by Jarrett but Razor manages to punch his way out.  Razor starts to mount a comeback by hitting a back suplex.  As Razor goes for the Razor’s Edge, his leg gives out and he falls to the canvas.  Jarrett quickly capitalizes on this and gets Razor in a small package for the 3 count and the title.

Bottom Line: A very weird ending as one would think that the restart of the match would have meant Razor going over.  My pick would have been to have Jarrett win by countout and then gain the title at Wrestlemania.  But what do I know?  Match wasn’t mind-blowing but fine enough.  ** ¾

- As if things weren’t bad enough with Todd Pettingil, we now have Stephanie Wiand.  A woman backstage reporter?!?  She’s not even good looking!  Her first assignment is to talk to the new Intercontinental Champ, but he’s not there yet.  Way to botch up your first interview, you stupid whore.

- Meanwhile, Todd tries hitting on Pamela Anderson.  That was about as successful as a Tammy Sytch intervention.

- We go back to Stephanie, who has tracked down Jarrett but calls him Razor Ramon.  You are worthless woman!  Jarrett realizes it too and blows her off for Pam Anderson.  See Steph, if you had huge funbags, he would want to talk to you.

IRS vs. The Undertaker

This feud stems from Survivor Series when IRS tried to interfere in Taker’s match against Yokozuna.  Vince notes that the druids are not with IRS at ringside and for the life of me I have no idea what was going on with that.  Major stallfest to start.  IRS dropkicks Taker from behind, but Taker just shrugs it off.  Taker boots IRS and then begins beating him from pillar to post.  After Taker hits the ropewalk, Dibiase gets on the apron.  While Taker approaches him, IRS tries to attack, but nails Dibiase instead.  IRS is frustrated, so Dibiase brings out the druids.  Vince speculates who the druids are, as if anyone cares.  Taker tries the ropewalk again but the druids shake him off.  IRS clotheslines Taker to the floor where he has to fend off IRS and the druids.  Back in the ring, IRS begins to take over on offense.  After a double KO spot, the referee becomes distracted with Dibiase.  This allows one of the druids to come in and put IRS on top of the Undertaker.  That only gets a 2 count.  Taker goes for the Tombstone but the druids stop him.  Taker hits a chokeslam out of nowhere and that ends it.  You’ve got to be kidding me.

Postmatch: The druids and King Kong Bundy beat up the Undertaker while IRS steals the urn.

BL: Words can’t describe how awful this match was.  Moves were few and far between and when they did happen they were standard fare.  The worst part is that the aftermath signals more fun from the insomnia-killer known as the Corporation vs. Undertaker feud.  DUD

- Todd tries to get a word with both Diesel and Bret Hart, but both pretty much blow him off.  I can understand their thinking here.  Going into a face vs. face match, each guy wants to be liked more by the fans and let’s face it, hanging out and talking to Pettingil is not going to win over anybody.

WWF Championship: Diesel (champ) vs. Bret “the Hitman” Hart

The backstory: Bret lost the title to Bob Backlund at Survivor Series 1994.  A few days later Diesel, who had split from Shawn Michaels at Survivor Series, beat Backlund in 8 seconds at Madison Square Garden to win the title.  Bret wants his title back now and he’s going to have to go through Big Daddy Cool to get it.  Diesel offers a sign of friendship and Bret accepts to show that it’s 2 faces here.  Bret wants a technical match, but ends up succumbing to Diesel and fighting a power match early on.  Diesel clotheslines Bret to the floor.  Bret takes the opportunity to grab Diesel’s legs and slam them against the post.  Back inside Bret continues to work on Diesel’s left knee.  A figure four is applied on Diesel and he almost has his shoulders down for a 3 count.  Diesel grabs the ropes and Bret is slow to release the hold.  Bret drags Diesel back to the middle and puts the figure four on again.  Once again, Diesel makes it to the ropes and Bret waits until the last second to release the hold.  As Diesel tries to recover on the floor, Bret flies through the ropes and comes crashing down on him.  Man, Bret is showing ruthless aggression tonight.  Diesel is able to recuperate and throws Bret into the steps.  In the ring, Diesel begins to dominate with his offense.  A backbreaker by Diesel gets 2 on Bret.  Diesel appears to have forgotten about his injured knee, as he’s able to get Bret on his shoulder for a submission move.  A boot and an elbow by Diesel get him a 2 count.  On the floor, Bret uses his tape to tie Diesel’s legs around the post.  Bret begins to stomp on a helpless Diesel, but Hebner soon frees him.  Geez, Earl, way to waste a genius idea by Bret.  Bret starts going through the Trademark 5, but doesn’t go for the Sharpshooter.  Diesel rolls to the outside and catches Bret who had leapt over the top rope.  He then slams Bret into the steel pole.  On the inside, Diesel signals for the Jackknife, which receives a chorus of boos.  That must be why Diesel continued main-eventing for the rest of the year, while Bret was stuck in nothing feuds.  Now I get it!  Diesel hits the Jackknife and Earl Hebner takes forever counting 2 because Shawn Michaels is late to stop the pin.  Shawn beats up Diesel, which actually gets cheers, until the ref sends him back and restarts the match.  Bret goes back to working on Diesel’s left leg.  A figure four is AGAIN applied on Diesel.  Come on, Bret, there are a ton of leg submission holds, including YOUR finisher, pick a new one.  Bret misses a charge in the corner, which allows Diesel to work on Bret’s ribs.  Diesel misses a boot in the corner and injures his leg more.  Bret finally puts on the Sharpshooter but Owen comes out now and attacks Bret.  Being the equal opportunity guy that he is, Hebner decides to once again restart the match.  Bret pounds away on Diesel and knocks him to the mat.  Diesel gets back up and punches Bret to the mat.  Diesel goes for a chair and then decides not to use it.  As he gets back into the ring, Diesel sees Bret clutching his knee.  Don’t fall for it, Diesel!  Diesel leans over and Bret gets him in a small package for 2.  I warned ya, Diesel.  Bret goes for a rollup but ends up shoving Diesel into the referee.  With all 3 men down, Shawn, Jeff Jarrett and the Roadie come out to attack Diesel, while Owen and Bob Backlund enter and beat up Bret.  The bell rings and Finkel says “due to the referee’s inability to maintain control” the match is a draw.  Why is this man the senior referee if he has an inability to maintain control?

BL: I hate this type of booking.  You restart a match twice when it should have ended because you don’t want a cheap finish to a WWF title match and then you still produce a cheap finish anyways.  Extremely frustrating!  Plus, Diesel was making a decision on whether or not to sell the leg like Jordan decides if he wants to retire or not.  In between all this there was some ok wrestling.  ** ½

- Todd is still fumbling around in Pam’s lockerroom.  A 16-year-old boy would have better composure than Todd is having in there.

- Stephanie chats with the Cinderella team of The Kid and Bob Holly.  They may be the Cinderella team, but they have the charisma of the pumpkin.

Tournament Finals for the WWF Tag Team Championships: 1-2-3 Kid and Bob “Spark Plugg” Holly vs. Tatanka and Bam Bam Bigelow

The Kid and Holly replaced The Smoking Gunns in the semifinals after Bart was injured in a rodeo competition.  I guess he must have ingested some of that clown makeup.  Anyways, he’s recovered and the Gunns will face the winner of this match the next night on RAW.  Vince also notes that Bam Bam and Tatanka beat Holly and the Kid in respective singles matches to further the underdog angle.  Tatanka hits a side suplex on Holly early on, but when he tries a second one Holly reverses it into a hurricanrana.  Holly and the Kid try to double team Bam Bam, but he gets the better of them.  The Kid hits a sweet mid-air hurricanrana on Bam Bam.  Bam Bam then floors the Kid with a standing enziguri.  Tatanka gives the Kid some rough turnbuckle treatment.  Bam Bam charges at the Kid but he backdrops Bam Bam to the floor.  The Kid looks to attack Bam Bam on the floor, but Tatanka stops him.  Holly and the Kid go up top but are caught by Bam Bam and Tatanka on their way down.  The faces manage to escape and shove the heels into each other.  Nice sequence!  Holly hits his god-like dropkick, but it only gets 2.  As Holly goes to the ropes, Bam Bam pulls the top one down, causing Holly to fall to the floor.  This makes Holly your racecar driver-in-distress.  Tatanka covers Holly.  The Kid tries to stop the pin, but nails Holly on accident.  It’s past the Kid’s bedtime so it’s natural he would make a mistake like that.  Bam Bam holds up Holly for Tatanka, but Tatanka misses Holly and chops Bam Bam instead.  Holly, in dreamland, tags Tatanka thinking he’s the Kid.  They’ve left Holly in there way too long now.  Both Tatanka and Holly go for crossbodies and it leaves both men on the mat.  Hot tag to the Kid who goes all out on both men.  Bam Bam catches the Kid and press slams him to the floor.  Yeeowch!  With the Kid knocked out in the middle of the ring, Bam Bam goes up for the moonsault.  As he does that, Tatanka tries to go off the ropes and as a result, knocks Bam Bam off.  Holly knocks Tatanka out of the ring, while the Kid crawls over and covers Bam Bam for the upset victory.

Postmatch: The crowd, including football player Lawrence Taylor, laughs at an embarrassed Bam Bam.  Bam Bam, pissed off, shoves Taylor.  LT jumps back up, but is held back by his entourage.

BL: The first few minutes and the last few minutes had some really good action.  The middle dragged a bit though.  Overall a good story was told and the crowd enjoyed the upset win.  Too bad they lost the straps to the Gunns that next night.  As for the Bam Bam/LT thing, that was cool initially as many believed this was unplanned.  When we learned it was a setup for a lame celebrity match at Wrestlemania, it diminished the effect.  ***

- To add to the shoot nature of the Bam Bam incident, we quickly cut to clips from last year’s Royal Rumble.  Nothing of note here.

- Vince gets in “serious” mode and apologizes to LT for that incident.  Now it must be real!

Royal Rumble Match

Rumble match has 1-minute intervals this year instead of two.  Vince claims that with 1-minute intervals, this will be the most fast-paced and action-filled Rumble ever.  In reality, substitute fast-paced and action-filled with lame and crappy.  Shawn Michaels is #1.  British Bulldog is #2.  Nothing wrong with these two starting out.  Too bad they only get a minute instead of 2 to go at it alone.  Bulldog gets a quick press slam on Shawn, but doesn’t throw him out.  Where’s Heenan to call him a dumb limey?  Shawn is whipped to the corner where he nearly flips out.  #3 is Eli Blu, who would later be known as one of the Harris Brothers.  No matter who he is, he sucks big time.  Nothing happens before it’s time for #4 who is Duke “the Dumpster” Droese.  Shawn goes after Droese, while Blu and the Bulldog tussle.  Jimmy Del Ray is #5 and people are coming out way too quick.  How can you tell any story here?  Del Ray puts Shawn on the brink of elimination.  #6 is Seone, who goes right after Shawn.  The Bulldog clotheslines Del Ray to the floor to make him victim #1 tonight.  In a cruel twist of irony, Tom Pritchard enters at #7 as his partner just left.  Seone now press slams Shawn, but fails to put him out also.  Stupid Samoan!  Vince makes a stupid statement saying Duke Droese has the equal intellect of Shawn.  And I laugh.  Doink and Dink come out at #8 and I’m disappointed that it’s Doink who’s entered and not Dink.  More nothingness as #9 KWANG makes his way down.  Sidenote: Kwang is the sound of one hand clapping.  Ever since Shawn and the Bulldog, we’ve had some real dud talent come out.  Everyone battles it out, while Shawn takes a rest.  #10 is Rick Martel and I eagerly anticipate Tito Santana to come out at any moment.

Owen Hart is #11, but he gets attacked by Bret before he gets to the ring.  Officials send Bret back quickly though.  #12 is Timothy Well, who receives a big pop.  Oh wait, the pop was because Owen has already been eliminated by the Bulldog.  Shawn backdrops Duke out and he lands on a referee.  That begins spring-cleaning as Well, Martel, Pritchard and Doink all get tossed.  As #13 Luke comes out, Eli Blu and Seone eliminate each other.  Shawn makes quick work of Luke (big surprise there) and we’re down to the original two.  They don’t do much before #14 Jacob Blu comes out.  Blu initially handles both Shawn and the Bulldog, but soon Shawn dumps him as well.  Bulldog gets Shawn over but not out.  King Kong Bundy waddles out at #15.  Shawn foolishly tries to eliminate Bundy instead of helping him dump the Bulldog.  #16 is Mo and he is immediately and I do mean immediately eliminated by Bundy.  Hands down, there is your big-time loser of the night.  Bulldog tries to slam Bundy but that ends badly for Davey Boy.  Mabel is #17 and somehow I think he’ll last just a big longer than Mo.  Mabel and Bundy pair off for FOX’s new reality show, When Cellulite Collides.  As #18 Butch enters, Mabel has already gotten Bundy out.  That’s a bit surprising if you ask me.  After Shawn eliminates Butch in normal Bushwacker fashion, Mabel and the Bulldog team up to try and get rid of him.  Lex Luger comes out at #19 and makes an impact by immediately eliminating Mabel.  #20 is the biggest turd known to the world, Mantaur.  He goes right after Lex Luger. 

More Wrestlecrap follows at #21 with the Portuguese Man O’War, Aldo Montoya.  He tries to eliminate Shawn, but somehow I doubt he’ll be the one.  Meanwhile, Luger and the Bulldog double-team Mantaur.  #22 is Henry O. Godwinn, who attacks everyone upon entering the ring.  Shawn is able to take another breather while others pair off.  Billy Gunn runs down at #23 and blows up before hitting the ring.  Luger cocks his arm ready to punch the Bulldog, until he sees who his target is.  C’mon Luger, whatever happened to “every man for himself”?  Following his partner’s lead, Bart Gunn comes out at #24.  Bob Backlund at #25 enters to a chorus of boos.  Bret again comes out and attacks Backlund before he can get into the ring.  As Backlund finally makes it into the ring, Luger is right there and clotheslines him out.  Meanwhile, Steven Dunn enters at #26.  With Backlund eliminated, him and Bret go back at it and brawl to the back.  As if this Rumble hasn’t been filled with a bunch of jokes already, I get the biggest laugh with #27 Dick Murdoch.  He looks like a poor man’s Dusty Rhodes and moves about as well as him too.  #28 is Adam Bomb and this ring is getting really clogged now.  With Shawn once again close to elimination, Fatu comes out at #29.  Fatu and Billy Gunn slug it out.  Luger takes a crap…uh…I mean, eliminates Mantaur.  Lucky #30 is Crush, who gets in the ring and dumps the Smoking Gunns, who were fighting each other.  See Luger, they know it’s every man for himself.  Steven Dunn is tossed by Aldo, which must be really embarrassing.  Shawn is so tired he needs the ropes to hold him up.  Vince says to Lawler that he doubts two men will ever win the Rumble again, which is his subtle way for admitting that last year’s Rumble booking decision wasn’t the best.  Murdoch tries his luck at dumping Shawn, but fails as well.  Fatu gets tossed over the rope and Murdoch tries to get him off the apron with a headbutt.  What an idiot!  The headbutt doesn’t work on Samoans and Murdoch is left with a sore head.  Bomb charges at Crush but he backdrops him out.  Shawn gets tired of looking at the bright yellow jock strap and eliminates Aldo.  Fatu does a 360-degree sell for a Crush clothesline.  Then he gets tossed by Crush.  After giving Godwinn an airplane spin, Murdoch tries to dump him but his momentum carries him out while Godwinn hangs on.  Luger is able to backdrop and eliminate a charging HOG.  That means our Final Four is Luger, Crush and the first 2 entrants, Shawn Michaels and the British Bulldog.  Shawn and Crush double-team Luger, while the Bulldog takes a breather.  Luger climbs on Crush in the corner, but Shawn comes over and knocks him out.  Crush and Shawn initially strike a friendship, but Crush double-crosses Shawn.  Crush gets Shawn up in a press slam, but Shawn rakes his face and escapes.  With Crush temporarily blinded, the Bulldog is able to clothesline him out.  It’s now come full circle as the first two, are now the last two.  Bulldog gets Shawn in yet another press slam, but only crotches Shawn on the top rope.  A fatigued Shawn gets back in the ring only to be clotheslined out and over by the Bulldog.  A jubilant Bulldog celebrates in the corner when Shawn comes back in and knocks Bulldog to the floor.  The bell rings and the referees say Shawn is the winner.  As the replay shows, only one of Shawn’s feet touched the floor.  This was an amazing feat of strength, as Shawn was really close to having both feet touch.  Cool ending!

BL: The 1-minute intervals really hurt the Rumble match here.  No one was given ample time to do anything in there besides Shawn and the Bulldog.  Plus it was a real Who’s Who in Wrestlecrap History lineup of entrants.  One of the worst Rumbles, but the ending really prevents it from getting a bad rating.  ***

Final Thought: Tough call here.  With the exception of the Taker/IRS match, everything here was perfectly acceptable, but nothing was blow-away great.  Certainly a disappointing Rumble, but they can’t all be winners.  The most positive thing I can say is that the fed’s top feuds leading into Wrestlemania have a nice beginning.  Big thumb in the middle.

Next time, we learn an important lesson about how to make Wrestlemania successful when your talent pool is low…get more C-list celebrities!

Until then, thanks for stopping by the OOld Tyme Rasslin Revue.

E-MAIL ADAM
BROWSE THE OOLD TYME ARCHIVES

Originally from Cleveland, Adam is now a graduate student at the University of Dayton who is looking to make a couple extra bucks writing this column. What do you mean Rick doesn't pay his columnists?


  
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