It's been an historic week in America... I am not a man prone to fits of melodrama or anything, but even I had to sit back, puff out my chest, and be kinda proud of my (tiny) contribution to what went down in Washington, DC.

All my usual sarcasm and cynicism aside, I was very sincerely excited to watch and be a part of that ol'

And this ties into the time of year we're at as Wrestling Fans, too. For this is when my well-known cynicism and malaise take their annual vacation, replaced by good old fashioned markish enthusiasm. The Rumble-to-Mania corridor is always the time of year when you choose Hope over Fear, and count on WWE to have SOMEthing up its sleeve to entertain us a little more effectively than they have been.

And plus: the Royal Rumble! C'mon! This is the most fun 60 minutes of the year. Maybe my opinion is STILL tainted by the fact that the 1992 Rumble was my first one (and still the best one), but I don't think so... and if you need further reasons why the 30-man Rumble match is an annual highlight, well, then that's why I'm here today. Because I got 3 words for ya:

ROYAL. RUMBLE. GAME.

It started with our crew somewhere towards the beginning of the Attitude Era. Not exactly sure which year, but this just might be the 10th anniversary of the thing. And after a few years of keeping it a private matter among friends, I shared the rules with the world, and our Rumble Game has become a mild international phenomenon.

C'mon, admit it: NOTHING is more fun that playing the game so that you actually have a reason to cheer/boo/care-about EVERY SINGLE ENTRY into the Rumble. You can mock your friends when they draw Dolph Zigler! You can grab the whole damn bottle and give yourself Instant Liver Damage when you draw DJ Gabriel! 

No more sitting around, only perking up when somebody like Triple H or Big Show or Undertaker enters the match. Those jokers get enough of the attention as it is. Playing the Rumble Game spreads the excitement out over the entire hour. Nothing says "Sunday Night Funhouse" like caring So Damned Much that you're reduced to jumping around on the couch and cheering for some miserable choade like Kizarny to suddenly transform into Stone Cold Steve Austin for a night! Trust me, just play it: you'll have fun.

Long time readers should be relatively well-aware of the Royal Rumble Game and its rules. For the uninitiated, though, here's how it goes: 

(1) Count how many people are in your group
 
(2) Put that number of pieces of paper in a hat (or baggie or box or whatever; though a University of Dayton baseball-style cap IS the traditionally appropriate vessel), each piece containing a number (1 through however many people there are)
 
(3) Each person draws his/her number out of the hat-like object; your will be assigned wrestlers, in a rotating fashion, based on this number. For instance, if you draw #3 in a five-person game, you will get entries 3, 8, 13, 18, 23, and 28. If you are #1 in a three person game, you get 1, 4, 7, 10, 13, 16, 19, 22, 25, and 28. You get the idea, right? 
 
(4) Sit on the edge of your seat and start murmuring every time one of your wrestlers is about to enter; hope for the best, but prepare for Hornswoggle! React accordingly, and preferably profanely
 
(5) You accumulate points thusly: 

- one point (1) for every solo elimination made by your wrestlers... 
- one-half point (0.5) for every tandem/group elimination aided by your wrestlers (yes, if eight men team up to get Khali, they each get 0.5 points, even though that adds up to 4.0 points instead of 1.0; this is a game, people, not quantum mechanics!).... 
- two points (2) for each wrestler you have that makes it to the Final Five of the Rumble (yes, final FIVE; the final FOUR are usually all bigger stars, but this opens things up for one last surprise guy to net you a bonus, plus it helps level the point distribution between "elim points" and "survival points")...
- an additional five points (5) if your wrestler is the runner-up.... 
- ten big points (10) if your wrestler is the winner of the Rumble. 

If the scoring seems overly-simple, take my word for it: it's time tested. For one, true fans will be drinking their faces off for the annual spectacle that is the Rumble, so simple math is the best math. For two, it's actually quite an elegant set-up, with around 30 points determined by eliminations and spread out more evenly, but 25 bonus points "back-loaded" and concentrated into the Final Five. This invariably means that several people will be vying for the point lead during End Game, which makes it all the more exciting.

Oh, and for the sake of full disclosure: the game is fair and "even" with 3, 5, 6, or 10 players (or with 2 or 15, I guess, though it's never come to either of those with our group)... meaning that everybody gets the same number of wrestlers with those numbers of players. In cases of uneven games where some players will get one less wrestler than others, it is permissible to give the handicapped players a "head start." We've settled on giving the handicapped player(s) 2 points to make up for being one wrestler short. Feel free to do the same, should the situation arise in your unique gaming situation.

Also: the most recent rule amendment we've made was this: it is now legal for a player with an "extra" wrestler in an Unfair Game to TRADE his last wrestler (ONLY his last wrestler, since then he's taking a huge risk of it being a Final Five Wrestler, and really has to ponder whether it's worth it or not) to one of the handicapped players in exchange for the guaranteed 2 points, if he can find a willing partner. This deal MUST be agreed to BEFORE THE RUMBLE MATCH STARTS (at least, that's our rule, since otherwise, it's possible to start keeping track of remaining wrestlers, which could get unfair; though admittedly, the idea of heated ongoing negotiations throughout the Rumble Match might be kind of fun to explore, too; heated pre-match negotiations strike us as being satisfactory, however).

It is completely appropriate to append a Cash Prize to the game, as well. You can have each player post an entry fee deemed appropriate (with "winner-take-all" being the payout format), but we've also done it where the winner simply has his share of the PPV price tag waived, and it's absorbed by the others for a less-intense and more-friendly game. Your choice.
 
So there you have it, your rules for the Royal Rumble Game, and another year of my hearty encouragement that you play along at home with your friends. Should be a good time: the 30-man Rumble is always a blast, and this year, Edge/Jeff Hardy should provide the night's other "anchor" (a good, lengthy, exciting match, with the possible involvement of a certain returning star). That's more than 90 minutes of guaranteed goodness right there. 

OO will have full coverage and results for you at some point either late on Sunday night or ultra-early Monday morning, depending on how things go. I'll see you then, kids...