by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Sunday Night Heat Tapings
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• Test beat Tommy Dreamer; Stacy tried to interfere on Dreamer's behalf, but it went awry
• Val Venis beat some guy
• The Dudleys successfully defended the Tag Titles against Rob Conway and Rene Dupree

Velocity/SmackDown! Tapings
(Courtesy of OO Reader Peter Holby)

DARK/VELOCITY

-Jamie Noble over some jobber.  Noble wins after decent back and forth action.

-Rhyno/O'hare over 2 jobbers.  Is it just me, or does O'hare look a little like Shakespeare?

-Rey Mysterio over Kanyon.  I was surprised to see Mysterio on Velocity.  Maybe coming back from a vacation?  Anyhoo, Kanyon got some good offense in, but in the end, the answer to "Who better than Kanyon?" was "Mysterio."

-Matt Hardy V1 over some jobber.  MHV1 and Mysterio on Velocity?  What's going on?  Anyways, MH got the win, mostly dominating the match.  A sidenote:  The jobber was named Tyson Dux, and was from Hartford.  (or so they said.)  Poor guy did the job in his home town.

-Kidman over some jobber.  Ended with a shooting star press t! hat looked a little less impressive live than it does on tv.  Still impressive, though.

-Charlie Hass over Funaki.  Funaki got in some good rallies, even though you knew he was doomed.  They got the crowd into it.

SMACKDOWN

-McMahon family antics.  Who gives a shit?  Linda was there, tried to talk both Vince and Steph out of the match, called Sable a slut.  Sable kicked Linda, Steph tackled Sable, Vince closthlined Steph.  End of story.

-Tajiri over Ultimo Dragon.  Rey Rey on Velocity?  Dragon on Smackdown?  What the hell is going on here?  Rey did commentary for the match, which of course,  I couldn't hear.  It was a nice match, good back and forth, Tajiri got over with the crowd.  Remember when Tajiri had a first name?  I bet somewhere in Titan Towers, locked in a small room, they have all those things, the name Yoshahiro, Bubba-Ray's stut! ter, all that stuff.  But I digress...  Rey 619'd Tajiri aft er the match, and made that "title belt on my waist" motion.

- Undertaker over Pulumbo.  Taker brought a chain with him to his match, because Vince wanted FBI to soften up Taker for Brock.  Taker whooped everyone, and after he pinned Pulumbo, Brock ran in, he got whooped too, and the crowd popped.  Yay.

-Inside Vince's office, he is distressed over what just happens.  Then he meets Paul London, a fellow student of Spanky's under Shawn Michaels.  At least, I think he was.  Almost positive.  Anyways, Vince gives him a try-out match for the WWE title against Brock Lesner.  Since he's only 6 something and 240 pounds, this worries him.  I didn't quite get the whole "try-out match for the WWE title" thing.  If he's getting a title shot, wouldn't he have to be an employee?  Whatever.

-Big Show over Orlando Jordan.  I've got to hand it to the kid for not being satisfied with a win by! count-out.  Gutsy.  Gutsy, but stupid.  He got crushed.  After the match, Not-tough-enough (Josh Matthews) was interviewing Eddie Guerreo, and after some chit chat, Big Show jumped Eddie.  He beat him up, and we move on.

-Angle vs. Cena in a Rap Battle.  Cena has some funny rhymes, and flips Kurt off.  Kurt sort-of-rhymes back.  Then they fight.  Angle gets the better of Cena, tries to slip on the ankle lock, Cena scampers.

-Shannon Moore over Zak Gowen.  Shannon Moore on Smackdown.  V1 on Velocity.  I'm in bizzaro world over here.  All together a solid match, some interesting offense from Tenacious Z, ending with Matt Hardy interfering to get Shannon the win.  (It was a priceless "I'm a big asshole" moment.  You'll just have to see it.  I cracked up.)

-We see Undertaker emerge from Stephanies office.

-Paul London comes out.  Turns out he's from Hartford too.&nb! sp; Go figure.  Brock comes out.  Beats the tar out of Paul.   Spanky interferes, also gets beat up.  Undertaker comes out, informs Brock that their match at No Mercy is now a "biker chain match"  whatever the hell that means.  Brock looks scared and backs away.  Crowd pops for Taker throwing his hands in the air.  I pop too.

- A-Train/Bashams over Benoit/APA.  This was aweful.  The bashams took farooq out with chairs, beat up bradshaw, then Benoit cleaned house until A-Train took care of him.  It was just a bad match.  Why am I supposed to hate the Bashams?  Because they like to get whipped?  Hey, whatever floats your boat...

-Chavo challenges big show.  He says, you can't do that to Los Guerreos and get away with it.  Big Show comes out, he's all dressed up to go out.  Gets in ring anyways.  Match starts.  Chavo ducks out, and stays out until he gets counted out.  Then a sewage truck (I'm not making this up) drives in.  Eddie! gets on top.  He tells Big Show he's going to cover him in shit.  Big Show gets out of the ring, (away from the crowd), towards the curtain, and gets a shit shower.  Then another.  At this point, I start a "Holy Shit" chant.  It picks up rather well.  If you can hear it on TV, that's my chant.  I was proud.  Anyways, Los Gurerreos leave, and big show sits in the shit and crys.  Well, looks like he's crying, anyways.  He can't actually cry on command.  Seriously, they showered him in shit, and then had him cry.  It was funny, but it's not how I would have advanced the fued.

I thought it was a solid show.  A good time was had by all.  A drunk man called Big Show a fagot for wearing sandals.  John Cena said there was nothing good in Hartford.  I said, "Yeah, you got our number there."  Oh yeah, and Rue (the new Diva) sang the national anthem.  Isn't she canadian?  Maybe not.  Who cares.  I was curious as to whether I was the only OO'ster at the show, or maybe the only one who would write down and send in spoilers.  If it wouldn't be too much to ask, could you let me know?

Regards.

Thanks to Peter for the timely and complete report.

Check out the shows as they air, or just come on back to OO for full coverage of them in their final format. 
 

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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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