by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

As usual, I think the way to find out is for you to hit BACK and just wait till tomorrow night.  It's what I'd do if I didn't have a website to run.  But if you're here, it means you expect spoilers, so that's exactly what you'll receive:

WWE Sunday Night Heat 
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• Christian beat Val Venis in an IC Title match.  Val got a few near falls at the end, and the crowd was way into the idea of him winning... but Christian pulled the Unprettier out of nowhere for the pinfall win.
• Maven beat Some Guy.
• Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade beat Two More Guys.
• [Dark Segment: when Lillian Garcia sang the National Anthem, it was interrupted by La Resistance's music/entrance video.  BOO!]

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• Josh Matthews was again joined by Tazz for commentary.
• Jamie Noble beat Kanyon in a good-but-short TV Classic.  Kanyon played the heel, but there was no sign of "Mortis."
• The Basham Brothers beat Two Guys, and Shaniqua even got in some licks.
• Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin beat "The International Dream Team" of Ultimo Dragon and Funaki in an excellent match.  Dragon and Funaki were in the middle of a heat sequence when the World's Greatest Tag Team were able to dispatch Dragon and isolate on Funaki with the Superkick/Suplex combo for the pinfall on Funaki.

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• Tajiri and Nunzio upset Rey Mysterio and Billy Kidman.  Very good opener, with Tajiri getting big heel heat (because he cut a "dark" promo against the Crimson Tide), and Rey, predictably, hugely over as a babyface.  Tajiri actually pinned Rey in the end after Nunzio and Kidman had powdered out, and Tajiri landed a Buzzsaw Kick on Rey for the win.  Should mean another Cruiserweight Title shot, if you ask me...
• Backstage: there was a big extended segment that started with Vince McMahon, Sable, and the Big Show yukking it up.  Then Stephanie arrived, and got all up in Vince's face for what happened to Zach Gowen last week saying it was his fault as much as Brock Lesnar's.  Hearing his name, Brock appeared behind Steph, and snuck up on her.  Seems he wants a tune up match for next week's Iron Man Match.  But Steph says Undertaker, Zach, and Angle are all out hurt after last week... so maybe he wants to face the Big Show.  At that, the heels put there heads together and decide, no, that won't work because they've faced each other so many times before.  Then Vince has an idea: Brock will wrestle Stephanie later tonight.  And if she doesn't show up, she's fired as the SD General Manager.  D'oh.
• A match between Shaniqua and Dawn Marie was essentially a no contest, because Torrie Wilson and Nidia ran out together to attack Shaniqua after less than a minute.  I guess, technically, call it a DQ win for Shaniqua.  Shaniqua was actually able to fend off the three women, at least until Torrie hit her with a chairshot to end the segment.
• Chris Benoit finally managed a clean, decisive submission win over Rhyno.  Although A-Train tried to interfere, but was ineffective, and was sent back to the dressing room by the ref.  [One report said expect a commercial break at this point, as Benoit was down and the ref, A-Train, and Rhyno spent a bunch of time arguing.]  Benoit did, however, rally at about the 12 minute mark to reverse his way into the Crippler Crossface for the win.
• Backstage: just about everybody on the SD! roster who's not wrestling on the show was crowded into the APA office for a poker game (some playing, some watching).  Matt Hardy eventually gets on Bradshaw's bad side by refusing APA's butler's offer of beer in favor of orange juice, and a war of words escalates into a challenge for a match later tonight.  But it'll have to wait, because they've all just been told that it's time to head outside and watch the Parking Lot Brawl.  As the office clears, Bradshaw and Faarooq have a Very Special Moment commemorating the 2nd anniversary of 9/11.
• Eddie Guerrero beat John Cena in the very entertaining Parking Lot Brawl.  Between the assembled crowd and some strategically parked cars, Eddie and Cena are basically inside a 20-foot-diameter circle.  Predictably, they hurl each other into cars, break a bunch of windows/windshields, and generally beat the crap out of each other in ways that are not possible in a standard wrestling match.  Finish came when Chavo Guerrero made his surprise return to punk Cena out with a tire iron or something.  That allowed Eddie to climb on top of a van, and he delivered a Frog Splash onto Cena (who was on the hood of another car) for the pinfall.  Nothing but raves for the match (and for Cena's pre-match promo).
• The APA essentially squashed Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore.  Well, it was mostly Moore they squashed.  Matt got in some offense for his team, but then APA man-handled Shannon, and Bradshaw pinned him following the Clothesline from Hell.
• The Brock Lesnar vs. Stephanie McMahon main event was basically a No Contest.  To Vince's surprise, Steph actually showed up to wrestle, but immediately, she low-blowed Brock and Vince and then tried to escape.  When Brock was able to recover quickly enough to stop her, the two had a quick game of cat and mouse before Brock finally got Steph set up for an F-5.  That's when Kurt Angle made a surprise appearance for the save.  With Angle's presence, Vince and Lesnar retreated instantly, and most assume that this is where the show (remember, it's only 90 minutes this week) will end.
• The live fans in Birmingham, AL, did however get a bonus match.  Angle got on the mic, and issued an impromptu challenge, and so Lesnar returned to the ring, and the two had an outstanding 25 minute match that featured a ton of near falls and false finishes.  Excellent work, and if it's any inidcation of what Angle and Lesnar have in store for the Iron Man Match next week, we'll be in tremendous shape.  The finish was Lesnar once again tapping out to the Ankle Lock.  Big Show tried to attack after the match, but he got an Ankle Lock, too.  The heels scattered, and Angle had a huge celebration with the fans to send 'em home happy.

Check out the shows as they air over the next few days...  or come on back to OO for full coverage of SD!, Velocity, and Heat. 
 

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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