by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Decide, now.

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• Pierre Oulette (Jean-Pierre Lafitte, Quebecer Pierre) beat some other guy, and apparently didn't look too bad in doing so, in a dark match.
• Scott Steiner beat some other guy; at best, the fans did not care about Steiner... but if we're more honest, he was actually getting active heel heat here.  Not even Stacy could turn the crowd around.
• HHH defeated Maven in their as-hyped non-title match; unlike their RAW match a while back, Maven got some nice spots and near falls in.  Crowd didn't care, though; they knew how it would end, and when they did cheer, it was for HHH trademark moves.
• La Resistance defeated some more jobbers, and afterwards for some reason, Stevie Richards came from the commentary table to give them big hugs; Grenier and Dupree (who are actually French Canadian in real life) got cheered a bit at first, but tried to turn the crowd against them with some pre-match mic work.

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• A-Train beat Funaki; I do not envy Cubs Fan having to figure out how many times this makes for this match...
• Nunzio beat Spanky Kendrick in a good cruiserweight match.
• Sean O'Haire beat some guy.
• Orlando Jordan beat Kanyon.  Oh man....

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• Kurt Angle kicks off SD! with a promo to talk about his participation in the Vengeance title match... but sooner rather than later, John Cena is out to interrupt.  He cuts on Angle a bit, and this leads to the conveniently-present Brian Hebner being used as a human beatbox for Angle to fire back with some raps of his own.  The comedy ends when Big Show comes out and attacks Angle while Angle is being distracted by Cena; Angle eats a chokeslam.
• First match is a four-way (#1 contender?) match with the FBI vs. the APA vs. the Bashams vs. Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman.  The FBI and APA were gone inside of 2 minutes, as they were both counted out and brawled to the back.  That left the Bashams and the re-united Filthy Animals to do a very solid extended portion of the match.  Kidman's ring rust and Shaniqua's presence notwithstanding, Rey and Billy won the match cleanly.
• Backstage: Angle is getting tended to by trainers when Brock Lesnar checks in on him.  Angle wants to know where Lesner was 15 minutes ago when Angle could have used his help.  Lesnar has some lame excuse, but at this point, Angle seems to accept it and doesn't get too angry.
• Chris Benoit and Rhyno beat Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore.  Good match, but nothing special.  The story here was probably (guessing, since nobody's heard the commentary yet) Benoit and Hardy facing off in a preview of a future US Title tourney match, because lord knows that there were no references to tension between Benoit/Rhyno or to Shaniqua's invitation from last week.  Just a straight-up match between these four, won by Benoit, who got Moore to tap out.
• Recap: the touching Zach Gowen Zaga.  Live crowd thought this was over-long, maybe it'll be shortened down for broadcast...
• Contract signing time:  Stephanie talks up Zach and gives him his contract to sign.  Zach says all the right things (thanking the fans, etc., which is a little to pedestrian to get him much of a crowd response), and signs the contract.  So now things get interesting, as Vince McMahon arrives (with Sable).  Vince gets in a line about how cancer may not have killed Zach, but now Vince McMahon will.  Zach is Vince's employee, and at Vengeance, he will wrestle Mr. McMahon in a one-on-one match.  Screw all of you who think that's a bad idea; it'll be entertaining as all hell.  Segment ends with Vince cheap-shotting Zach and Sable taking out Stephanie with a clipboard shot to the head.
• Backstage: Vince and Sable are congratulating themselves on their work before the commercial break, and so Vince flips the switch to enter Full Creepy Old Guy Trying To Get Laid Mode.  But before he and Sable can disgust the American viewing public, Stephanie comes in and starts shouting and basically ruins the whole mood.  Vince is mad, and announces that at Vengeance, it'll be Stephanie vs. Sable, as well.  NOW you people might have a good reason to be less than enthusiastic about a Vengeance match...
• Eddie Guerrero came out before his scheduled match, and tried to apologize for last week's actions with Tajiri.  He said he had a hot temper, and that touching his ride is like touching his mamacita: so he just lost it and put Tajiri through the windshield.  He wished Tajiri a speedy recovery, though you could tell that he may not necessarily have been entirely sincere here.  Didn't matter, though; crowd still cheered him.  I guess they liked seeing the real-world application of the first of the Guerrero Three Demandments?
• In the final first round US Title Tournament match, Eddie Guerrero defeated Ultimo Dragon.  The match was maybe a bit shorter than you'd have liked to see, but was very fast paced and exciting. They also announced the semi-final pairings for the tourney: it's Eddie vs. Billy Gunn and Chris Benoit vs. Matt Hardy.  Seems OK to me; Eddie/Benoit is your logical final, right?  I had been hoping for Hardy/Benoit, but I'll take it this way, too...
• Backstage: Lesnar and Angle are chatting some more.  Lesnar's match tonight is a Falls Count Anywhere, 1-on-3 handicap match against Big Show, Shelton Benjamin, and Charlie Haas, and amidst some attempted comedy, Angle basically says that regardless of Lesnar hanging him out to dry earlier, Angle will have his back tonight in that match.
• Billy Gunn and Torrie Wilson beat Jamie Noble and Nidia, when Torrie pinned Nidia.  Short enough to not be a drag.  Funny post-match antics: the suddenly-wealthy Noble offered Torrie $10,000 if she would sleep with him.  All this offer got him as a free ass-kicking from Billy, while Torrie decided to pants Nidia.
• Backstage: Lesnar and Angle are headed towards the ring together when Angle is told that Vince McMahon wants to see him in his office.  This is the last we see of Angle, who does NOT wind up helping Lesnar in the main event.
• Brock Lesnar was beaten in the falls count anywhere/handicap main event by Big Show and the Best Damn Tag Team Period.  Good stuff for about 7-8 minutes, with Lesnar cycling through the heels, being able to hit some offense here and there when they weren't teaming up on him.  Finish came with Lesnar's biggest rally of the match: outside the ring, Lesnar set up to F-5 on of Haas/Benjamin through the announce table, but Show broke it up.  Instead, Show chokeslammed Lesnar through the table, and then got the pinfall win.  Heels celebrated to close out the show.  Nothing extra for the live crowd, just Lesnar getting to his feet and leaving under his own power.

Overall, reviews ranged from "OK" to very disappointed... I think a lot of how this show plays on TV will come down to just how good the wrestling matches are and how they come across.  From arena reports, it does look like an underwhelming show from a storyline perspective, even if they do continue to put way more talented athletes in the ring for better/longer matches than RAW could.  The most entertaining non-wrestling segment, for example, was between Cena and Angle, who aren't even feuding...  meantime, the Angle/Lesnar bits seem shrouded in subtlety and Cena/Taker didn't get ANY hype at all.

We'll wait till Friday to talk more about all this stuff, though.   

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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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