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ONLINE ONSLAUGHT
WWE TV Spoilers
May 21, 2003

by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

 

If WWE is to recreate the "boring-Judgment-Day-results-in-Wrestling-Renaissance" thing that happened in 2001, this is the week in which they're gonna have to pull it together.  Monday's RAW was a ton of fun, but wrestling oriented?  I think not...

So, what about the rest of the shows this week?  Well, if you simply MUST know ahead of time, read on and enjoy this recap compiled from e-mail reports:

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

  • Ivory and Jacqueline beat Jazz and Molly Holly (Jackie pinned Jazz, which you know will result in the two sistas feuding)
  • Goldust pinned a jobber
  • The Hurricane beat Chris Nowinski in a match that was less competitive than you may have thought

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

  • Rikishi beat a jobber
  • Bill DeMott squashed another jobber
  • Funaki pinned Kanyon, who's losing streak may be reaching the point where they can turn it into a gimmick
  • Rhyno beat A-Train by count-out after goring him through the ropes and to the floor

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Wednesday)

  • Vince McMahon opens the show with an in-ring promo.  He talks about Mr. America and how he shouldn't even be on SD!.  He says that with everything going on in this promotion, he doesn't care if Steph is the GM, he's now in charge and he'll show us tonight who's boss.
  • Eddie Guerrero and Tajiri defended their Tag Titles successfully from Team Angle.  They got a DQ win when the ref caught Charlie Haas apparently wielding a chair.  Good match.
  • Backstage: Vince is in Stephanie's office and they are arguing over who is in charge here.
  • Vince is out for ANOTHER in-ring promo.  This time, he insists that Roddy Piper come to the ring and apologize for letting him down at Judgment Day.  Piper comes out and says he'll apologize, but when Vince tries to slap him, that's almost too much.  Sean O'Haire defuses the situation by taking the blame on himself.  Vince says, "OK, it's your fault," but then says O'Haire has to wrestle Mr. America tonight on SD!, and if he loses, Piper and O'Haire are both out of a job.
  • Touching Vignette:  Kurt Angle will be back on SmackDown! in two weeks.  Mark your calendars.
  • John Cena comes out, raps a promo, and then beats Spanky Kendrick in fairly routine fashion.  [Note: Spanky may have been limited as WWE reports he suffered a concussion at Sunday's PPV...]
  • Backstage: We find out that Brock Lesnar is slated to face a member of the FBI tonight... but he doesn't know which one.  Hmmm... the jobber, maybe?  The other jobber?  The crusierweight jobber?  One of those three...
  • Chris Benoit beat Matt Hardy in the Match of the Night.  Really good action, and it ended when Rey Mysterio Jr. (who had been doing color commentary) got involved and prevented Shannon Moore and Crash Holly from interfering in the match.  After the match, Matt was pissed at Rey, and told him the only way he could get another Cruiserweight Title shot was if he beat BOTH the MF'ers and did it RIGHT NOW...
  • Rey Mysterio managed to win the handicap match, but in the final moments, appeared to injure his leg.  After the match, a furious Matt Hardy destroyed both his MF'ers for letting him down, while officials helped Rey to the back.
  • Backstage: Stephanie McMahon, now rendered a babyface by sheer virtue of feuding with her dad, lends a sympathetic ear to "Tenacious" Zach Gowen, the one-legged AmeriManiac.  Zach talks about wanting to be a wrestler, and Steph seems at least a bit open to the idea.
  • Elsewhere backstage:  Vince has seen Gowen's request, and now approaches Mr. America.  Vince tells Mr. America that if he loses tonight against O'Haire, he'll have to take a lie detector test next week on SD!... when Mr. America thinks he might back out of the match because of that, Vince tells him that he just heard that Tenacious Zach wants a WWE job, and that Vince will make sure that NEVER happens if America doesn't accept the match and stipulation tonight.
  • Brock Lesnar gets a few minutes into his match against Johnny Stamboli when he has to accept a DQ finish.  The rest of the FBI swarm when Lesnar looks to be in control, causing the DQ.  Who should make the save?  The returning Undertaker, who immediately clears the ring.  Where's Nathan Jones?  Thankfully, not here.
  • Sable comes out to ringside to boast about being the new covergirl on RAW Magazine.  Yeah, that's about the same as "Playboy," there...  somehow her shtick ends with Tazz getting water dumped over his head.
  • Sean O'Haire beat Mr. America via count-out.  After a few minutes of action, Vince McMahon came out with a mic and a phalanx of cops.  He says he is arresting Zach Gowen on assault charges for what he did at the PPV.  When Mr. America jumps out of the ring to get in the middle of the fracas, he gets counted out.  SD! will end with Vince celebrating with Piper and O'Haire.  [The live crowd was treated to Mr. America Americaning up to clear the ring of the heels, and then to a classic Mr. America 15 minute posedown after the cameras stopped rolling.]

As always, you never know how things will play in their as-aired form... but judging by live reports, this show was centered WAY too much on Vince McMahon and the Mr. America storyline.  In fact, it was the only real cogent storyline of the night.  And it's not exactly the most enthralling thing going...  we'll see... 

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
BROWSE THE OO ARCHIVES

Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.


 
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