by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

The second question is best left unpondered.  But you can get a jump on answering the first one if you read on, and spoil the surprises for the next four days worth of WWE TV programming...  your choice.

Here, compiled from e-mail reports, are spoilers for upcoming WWE TV shows:

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• Dark Matches included wins for former HWA mainstays Shark Boy and Chad Collyer over unidentified enhancement talent.
• Victoria beat Ivory, further establishing herself as a top contender to Trish.
• Rodney Mack beat Some Guy.
• Test beat Some Other Guy; Stacy was with him, and there were no outward signs of tension between them despite the events of RAW.
• 3 Minute Warning (Rosie/Jamal/Rico) beat Tommy Dreamer, Maven, and Spike Dudley; really well-received match from the sound of things, with Rosie pinning Maven in the end.

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• Dark Matches included wins for Sean O'Haire and Kanyon over more unidentified enhancement talent.
• A-Train beat Yet Another Guy.
• Tajiri beat Shannon Moore in a good-but-short TV match.
• The Full Blooded Italians beat Los Guerreros and Funaki in a very exciting match that had the crowd going.

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• Show opened with a wrestling match, as Brock Lesnar (showing no visible signs of a concussion) wiped out Matt Hardy in about five minutes.  Surprisingly competitive until the final minute, when Lesnar finished Hardy off soundly.
• Torrie Wilson and Brian Kendrick beat Jamie Noble and Nidia, with the real story being that Sable was at ringside doing some commentary and just kind of watching Torrie while also leafing through a Playboy magazine.
• Vince McMahon hit a ring that had been redecorated with plaid carpet; he talked a bit about how Hogan was gone, on the shelf for good (how are we supposed to forget about him if you keep REMINDING us, Vince?), and then proudly introduced "another of [his] creations," Roddy Piper, for the return of Piper's Pit.
• Piper came down, and almost immediately, started sparring verbally with Vince.  Piper says no one made him but himself; so Vince called him fat; so Piper shot back with how terribly the XFL tanked.  Finally, they decided to shake hands because at least they both agree that Hulk Hogan sucks.  As Vince leaves and the introductory Pit is seemingly done, Rikishi's music suddenly starts up.  Rikishi brings a coconut into the ring to confront Piper, saying he's here to do some revenge for what Piper did to Rikishi's cousin Jimmy Snuka 20 years ago.  But before Rikishi can do anything, Sean O'Haire attacks from behind with a steel chair.  For good measure, Piper busts the coconut over Rikishi's head while O'Haire holds him up.  HA!  Piper and O'Haire left together.
• Chris Benoit beat Rhyno in a semi-final match of the #1 Contender tourney.  No heel turn, no angle of any kind; just a straight up wrestling match which Benoit won by countering into a backslide at about the 7 minute mark.  Definitely very good work in this one, but reports varied in terms of how much sizzle the match had.
• Backstage: Sable confronted Torrie Wilson in a shower to keep the HLA vibe alive, there...  nothing groundbreaking, though, just hints and innuendo.
• Rey Mysterio and Tajiri got a (hopefully permanent) new partnership off to a good start with a non-title win over Team Angle.  This one was said to be Match of the Night by a couple reporters, and finished with Mysterio getting the pin on Benjamin.
• Backstage: After Nathan Jones leaves to head to the ring for a match, the FBI steal his wallet.  Or something.  I don't know, it sounds stupid to me, too.
• Nathan Jones beat Bill DeMott with a kick to the face.  This match was universally panned.  I mean it: universally.  I even heard in from the Antares Nebula, the X-432 Star Cluster, and a few alternate dimensions.  They all thought it sucked.
• Backstage: John Cena cut an anti-Chicago pre-main event rap that got big heat.
• John Cena beat Undertaker in the other #1 Contender tourney semi-final, but only thanks to the Full Blooded Italians.  Really good action between the two until the screwjob settled in at the finish.  The FBI were "in disguise" and the ref was distracted long enough for Palumbo to wax Taker with a chair shot, setting up Cena for the DVD and the win.  Cena vs. Benoit next week...

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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