by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

If you can't wait to find out, then this is the page for you.  Complete results from the week's remaining TV shows are right here.  But of course, there are a few of you who need the token warning to hit BACK now so that you don't spoil any surprises for yourself.

Decide quick, because the spoilers, they're right here:

WWE Sunday Night Heat
(Taped Monday, Airs Sunday)

• Michael Shane (an HBK protégé) and Sean O'Haire won dark matches
• Test beat Justin Credible
• Steven Richards beat Johnny Stamboli
• Raven beat a jobber
• D'Lo Brown and Chris Nowinski beat Maven and Al Snow

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• Little Guido (d. American Dragon) and the team of Shelton Benjamin and RC Haas (d. Michael Shane and Spanky) were featured in dark matches
• Crash Holly beat Shannon Moore
• Rikishi beat a jobber
• John Cena beat a jobber
• Matt Hardy beat Chuck Palumbo

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Wednesday)

• Albert beat Rey Mysterio in the opening match, cleanly via pinfall.  After the match, he grabbed a chair and started whacking at Rey's knee.  Rey did a stretcher job, and will now be out for a couple of weeks to get minor knee surgery he's needed for months.
• Stephanie addressed the fans.  First, she said that it was too bad about Rey, but everybody in this business has to sacrifice their bodies to accomplish what they want.  Just like she did with Scott Steiner.  And then, she apologized to fans for suspending Brock Lesnar, but said he'll be here later tonight... but only via satellite.
• Crash Holly beat Jamie Noble.  The win was clean and via pinfall, extending Noble's losing streak; after the match, Noble berated Nidia about not getting more involved trying to help him during the match.
• Backstage:  Funaki tried to get an interview with Bill "the Tough Enough Guy, Not Hugh Morrus" DeMott, but instead gets chewed out, setting up a match between the two... and second, an interview with Chris Benoit goes more smoothly, as he talks about his chance to become #1 Contender tonight and how badly he wants to be Champ.
• Bill DeMott basically squashed Funaki, winning with the No Laughing Matter moonsault.
• The "Via Satellite" bit begins, and Brock begins airing his grievences... but Paul Heyman and Big Show interrupt.  They go to the ring with a mic, and thus begins a grand debate.  Actually, it's mostly Heyman taunting and Brock seething...  but Brock finally gets the last word in, promising to be there at the Armageddon PPV, no matter what, to watch Big Show's match.
• Backstage:  Dawn Marie approaches Torrie Wilson and is suspiciously polite and complimentary.  Dawn says she never meant to hurt Torrie, and that she'll call off the wedding to Torrie's father, Al, if Torrie just does her one favor.  Torrie wants to learn more, and Dawn suggestively takes her hotel room key out from her cleavage... and places it in Torrie's.
• Billy Kidman beat Chavo Guerrero in the night's first really good match.  Kidman had to rally after missing his first attempt at a Shooting Star Press, but hit it the 2nd time to get the win.
• Backstage: Edge is cutting a promo, also about his shot at becoming #1 Contender, when he sees Albert walk by.  In retaliation for what happened to his tag partner, Edge decides to attack Albert, and the two have a pull-apart.
• In a non-wrestling segment hosted by Tazz, Rikishi was determined to be victorious over John Cena in a Freestyle Rap Contest.  I liked it better when they were coming up with reasons to give us half-naked divas, rather than ripping off frickin' Eminem and "8 Mile."  When Rikishi was deemed the winner, Cena -- with the help of B² -- attacked him... but to no avail.  Somehow, Tazz got into the mix, and between him and Rikishi, they cleared the ring.  And afterwards, Tazz and Rikishi danced.  [Oh, good lord, did I remember to vote for Rikishi as one of my Least Favorite Wrestlers of the Year?  It's not that he, himself, has bad matches or anything... it's just that when his silly, but somehow uniquely-appropriate, gimmick is allowed to bleed over onto others, it's really embarrassingly stupid.]
• In the main event, Kurt Angle won an elimination match to become the #1 Contender to Big Show's WWE Title.  Edge entered first, and before the match even started, he was attacked by Albert.  Edge was taken to the back, and rejoined the match after everybody else had entered the ring.  The four men did about 10 minutes together with a ton of good stuff and teased finishes, and then there were two rapid fire eliminations.  First, Eddie Guerrero tapped out to the Crippler Crossface; then an upset Eddie whacked Benoit over the head with a tag title belt before he left the ring, making Benoit easy pickin's for Edge.  Benoit was eliminated after a DDT from Edge.  That left Edge with Angle... and the two did another 10-plus minutes of one-on-one stuff.  Crowd was way into it, and Edge was an even more over babyface because of the Albert attack he'd already endured. But despite that, it seemed like Edge was not to be denied, and he hit big move after big move... only to have Angle kick out.  Edge started going for more high risk offense to finish Angle off, but instead, he set himself up to be defeated.  Upon going to the top rope after about 25 (total) minutes of action, Angle was able to go up and deliver and Olympic Slam on Edge from the top turnbuckle to score the pinfall.  As both Angle and Edge tried to get their breath, Big Show sauntered down to the ring and attacked.  He chokeslammed and taunted Angle as the tapings came to a close.

The SD! main event was described as being about as good a match as SD!'s had all year, which is mighty praise, indeed.  Too bad the rest of the show featured stuff like Albert's misguided push out of left field and a rap contest...

We'll see how it all fits together on Thursday night, though...

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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