by Rick Scaia
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Or, if you're one of those anti-spoiler people, who doesn't like ruining the surprises, but for some reason STILL clicked this page despite it being clearly labeled "SPOILERS" like an idiot... well, this is your chance to get back now.

Here's the rest of this week's TV results:

WWE Heat 
(Taped Monday, Airs Internationally Only)

• D'Lo Brown beat Crash Holly
• Matt Hardy beat Raven
• Goldust beat Shawn Stasiak
• Remember, domestically, MTV will air a live pre-PPV Heat; most of us won't see these matches

WWE Velocity
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Saturday)

• Dark matches:  Simon Diamond (Dawn Marie's other half) beat his former tag partner Johnny Swinger, and Albert squashed Nick Dinsmore
• The first Velocity match was Shannon Moore debuting with a win over Hugh Morrus (Moore used a variation of Jeff Hardy's Whisper in the Wind)
• Molly Holly cut a promo saying that Wilkes-Barre, PA, didn't deserve to see her defend her women's title
• Jamie Knoble beat Funaki in a very good match
• Hardcore Holly and the Big Valbowski got a win over Billy and Chuck, when Val pinned Chuck.

WWE SmackDown!
(Taped Tuesday, Airs Thursday)

• The opening match saw John Cena get a DQ win over Chris Jericho.  Jericho got frustrated with his inability to maintain dominance over Cena, and blatantly low-blowed him in front of the ref for the DQ.  After the match, Jericho locked in the Walls of Jericho until officials broke it up.
• Eric Bischoff arrives at the building; he brushes off Randy Orton en route to finding Hulk Hogan.  Hogan isn't buying what Bischoff is selling, though.
• Chavo Guerrero got a submission win over the Hurricane, and after the match, declared himself the best luchador in US wrestling today.  He says he's heard Rey Misterio is coming, and issues a challenge to him for next week's SD.
• Vince McMahon arrives, and soon there after bumps into Bischoff backstage (Bischoff is now looking for the Rock).  Vince wonders why he's there, and Bischoff says he's just scouting the competition face-to-face.
• Hogan, Edge, and Rikishi got a win over the Storm Foundation (Lance Storm, Christian, Test), when Edge pinned Storm.
• Backstage, Bischoff finds the Rock, and tries to recruit him for RAW.  Rock says he will be at RAW on Monday, but only because he'll be the Undisputed Champion, and allowed to be on both shows.  Rock tells Bischoff to get lost.
• Vince makes his way out to the arena, and stands on the stage to introduce the new SD! General Manager.  But first, he lays out some ground rules for the new GMs:  he says that the WWE talent will now longer be bound to whichever brand drafted them, but rather will be free to go to work for whichever boss/brand they want to.  They get one chance to decide where the grass is greener, and then they're locked in, I guess.  And then, the new GM:  it's Stephanie McMahon.  Boo.  Steph gets on the mic and calls Bischoff a parasite (just like Shane did), and promises that he won't steal any SD talent. Less boos.  Steph has some ominous words about Triple H (don't forget, that's her estranged husband) making "the right choice" between RAW and SD.  Back to boos.  Then Steph decides that she's going to eject Bischoff from the building.  Less boos again.
• Backstage, Steph finds Bischoff talking to Team Canada 2002, and threatens to have him physically removed from the building.  Bischoff begs off, though, and says he'll leave peacefully, and that he'll do his business on Sunday at the PPV, when he's allowed to be in the building.
• Billy Kidman beat Tajiri with a Shooting Star Press in a typical "good but short" TV match.  Afterwards, Jamie Knoble came out and (*gasp*) POWERBOMED KIDMAN.  I didn't know you could do that!
• The much-hyped Rock/Kurt Angle main event ended in a non-finish, as the Undertaker (who had been at ringside providing commentary) wound up getting involved.  Eventually, he clotheslined Angle right in front of the ref (as Angle gained the upper hand), giving Rock the cheap DQ win. Angle responded by chairshotting Taker from behind, and putting Rock in an ankle lock.  But his dominance didn't last.  Taker recovered, and chokeslammed Angle, then celebrated with his belt to end the show.  [Rock and Angle did a post-show bit for the live crowd that actually ended in Rock and Angle embracing.]

You'd better check out these shows when they air on TV, because other than Heat, it doesn't look like any TV shows have an official recapper here at OO anymore!  D'oh!

Don't worry, we'll be remedying that situation shortly...  

E-MAIL RICK SCAIA
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Rick Scaia is a wrestling fan from Dayton, OH.  He's been doing this since 1995, but enjoyed it best when the suckers from SportsLine were actually PAYING him to be a fan.

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