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Springtime For Hitler!

Godwin’s Law: 
prov. [Usenet] "As an Internet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 100%."   Once this occurs, the discussion is over, and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost whatever argument was in progress.”

I have great news for all of you!  In accordance with Godwin’s Law, the TORCH CAN NEVER MENTION TRIPLE H AGAIN.  This has to come as a relief to everyone: HHH fans can relax and simply enjoy his matches, and HHH Haters can breath a sigh of relief, because without the constant, never-ending Triple H articles that used to comprise 99% of the Torch’s content, they’ll realize that the guy hasn’t really been on TV all that much recently.

Now, lemme share a secret with you: I really, REALLY want to do the “Good Smarkies” column that I’ve been promising you.  But each and every week, the Torch manages to dig further beneath the barrel of good taste and common decency.  Here’s another secret: I don’t want to mention HHH in my columns.  I’m bored of the guy.  So why,  WHY can’t the Torch just let the topic die?  I swear, they must sit up nights thinking of new, stupider ways to annoy me.  They probably have meetings where Wade Keller says “Yo, Tony, it’s your turn to piss off Kyle.  Think you’re up to it?”

So with no further ado, let’s take a look at Tony Marshall, (“Uncle T”)- The new SMARKIEST MAN ALIVE!

Great.  A Trekkie Reference.  Next thing you know, the guy will bring up Hitler.
“Triple H has maneuvered and manipulated his way to the top "with the skill of a Romulan."
-“Uncle T”, the Torch

And to think I’ve accused HHH Bashers of being over-reactive lunatics.
“I can liken him to Hitler circa 1945;”
-Uncle T, the Torch

Not everyone can be an Internet Wrestling Writer.
“A broken, bitter legend in his own twisted mind.”
-Uncle T, the Torch

Harsh?  Nah.  Pea-brained, idiotic, and an insult to the six million people who died in the Holocaust, but not “harsh”.
“Okay, so maybe the Hitler analogy is a little harsh.”
-Uncle T, the Torch

Well, he DID conquer most of Europe, rebuild the German military, commit genocide and plunge the world into the deadliest war we’ve ever seen.  I guess there’s just no pleasing Tony.
“Still, as masterful a politician as Hitler was, he was as equally inept as a Generalissimo.”
-Uncle T, the Torch

Also known as the “Torch Writer Hiring Guide”
“To borrow from the famous Peter Principle, he rose to the level of his incompetence.”
-Uncle T, the Torch

You left out “Lord of the Undead, the JFK Assassin, head of the Trilateral Commission, abductor of the Lindberg Baby, and 'God'.”
“Triple H has demonstrated that he, too, is a masterful politician; a cunning, Machiavellian manipulator.”
-Uncle T, the Torch

Oh, wait, you DIDN’T forget “God”.
“He has yet to show, however, that his ascension to omnipotence can drive WWE's business.“
-Uncle T, the Torch

Yeah!  Where it not for HHH, Raw would be getting Smackdown’s ratings.
“As Raw has evolved into Triple H's Playhouse, "perfection" has become as laughable a goal as a 5 rating.”
-Uncle T, the Torch

Oh, Tony.  There you go confusing Torch Writers with Fans.
“the will of the fans is generally ignored.”
-Uncle T, the Torch

What really bugs me is the utter lack of soul shown by writers like Marshall.  I mean really, what kind of numbnuts compares the something as horrible as the Holocaust to something as trivial as Professional Wrestling- in any context?-  How the hell do you look yourself in the mirror after comparing a guy who gassed helpless women and children to a guy who won’t lose a fake fight?  DAMN.  If this kind of crap bugs you as much as it bugs me, don’t just write ME about it.  Write Tony Marshall.  Ask him to please, pretty please, grow hell up.  It’s one thing to continually, repeatedly, ad nauseum complain about one guy on one show, to the exclusion of mentioning the phenomenal Kurt Angle, Benoit, etc. (who, by the way, draw ratings similar to Raw, despite the advantage of being shown in more markets).  It’s another to beat a dead horse so relentlessly that you’re reduced to invoking Hitler.

The Geek’s Corner:
Thanks to everyone that wrote in regards to my “Black Superheroes” question.  The most commonly mentioned black superhero was the last X-Man, Bishop. I’d list all the different heroes that people submitted, but you can find all of them and more at blacksuperhero.com .  A great, great site.  I'd like to thank the guy that sent me the link, but his eMail got lost in Black Hole that is my Smarkies eMail InBox.

Side note: To all of you that wrote to inform me that Steel is DC, not Marvel- yes, I screwed up. 

Frankly, after much research, I’m of the opinion that it’s ASIANS who REALLY get screwed in the whole ‘superhero’ thang.  Hell, there are more Canadian Superheroes than Asian Superheroes.  In fact, the only really famous Asian superhero anyone I asked could think of is Kato, (thanks to the Amazing, Incredible, Invincible Pat McNeil, now go HERE and buy his book already) who may or may not count.