Hiya folks!

It seems a few of you are wondering- what exactly MAKES a Smark? Is it a rare combination of bad luck, poor breeding, and inferior DNA? Is it related to being raised in a trailer park in Wheeling, West Virginia? Indeed, is Smarkiness Nature, or is it Nuture?

Today, we learn the answers! I firmly believe that ANYONE can learn to be a Smark, if you'll only follow a few time tested (and mother approved!) techniques. So without further ado, the Smarkies presents: How to be a Smark!


Make WCW comparisons, they're all the rage!

"This seemed like WWF Thunder."
-Mike H, the Torch

"[Raw] had sort of a three-hour Nitro feel to things."
-Eric K, the Torch

"Is Russo back writing for the WWF?"
- Zack H

Repeat "Wrestlemania will feature Triple H vs Stephanie" endlessly!

"the main event for the show (Jericho vs. Triple H) is instead becoming Stephanie vs. Triple H."
-Samir N of Toronto

"Instead of the storyline being Jericho vs. Triple H for the title, its Triple H vs. Stephanie"
-Rennie D

"If I didn't know better, I'd think the WMX8 main event was Triple H vs. Steph"
- Mike J

Threaten to never watch the WWF again!
After Monday's Raw there should be no reason to watch the WWF ever again.

Forget who holds the titles, and blame the Fed for your ignorance! BTW, the answer is X Pac.
"...the WWF lightheavyweight title (5 pts if you can remember who that is)"
- Derek Burgan, Torch columnist

Pay absolutely no attention to what you're writing!
"Lita then slid up on Lita"
- Derek again, recapping Lita's match against Stacey Keibler on Smackdown.

Remind us that each episode of Raw or Smackdown is "a placeholder", "gliding", or "A throwaway show".
"this was a throwaway show."
- Rennie D

"It seems like they are gliding. For example, when the Alliance angle fell flat, they started gliding through it until after Survivor Series. Flair and the King came, then it seemed like they started to glide until the Rumble. Now it seems like they are gliding until the split."
-Greg Megerian

"Yet another placeholder show"
- The Immortal Scott Keith

"This show again felt like a placeholder"
- The Immortal Scott Keith, again telling us that a show again felt like a placeholder.

Show how young and hip you are by pointing out how 'old' Taker, Nash, Flair and Hogan are.

"he [Ric Flair] and Taker looked like they were rehearsing a scene from an upcoming movie, "Lumbering Old Men."
- Adam G

"we get the Old Guy, Arthritic Ramon."
- The Immortal Scott Keith

"Scott Hall magically remains upright despite advanced age"
- The Immortal and apparently 12 years old Scott Keith


That's it for this time, boys n' girls. But before I go, it's time for our Elvis... uh, "Shawn Michaels" siting of the month!

"Shawn Michaels was at the San Antonio SmackDown! but I did not get to see him, nor did I even know he was there until after the event."
- Jim Ross

Oh, to the thousands (and THOUSANDS!) of Smarkies fans that were wondering if I wuz gonna mention CeeAreZebra this week... no. I'm not. Maybe next week. :)