Hi folks!

Thought of the week: I'd like to take a moment to help further the cause of Education in our great country. "Woo" rhymes with "Boo", not "Who." "Who" is what Owls say. Ric Flair says "Woo." Even when you add more "O's", it's STILL "Wooooo". Now, until ghosts start saying "Bhoooooooo" on Halloween, I'm gonna stick with "Woo." (You know- like the Director "John Woo, who does NOT spell his name "John Who".)

Last week was an interesting week for the Smarkies. I got more that twice my usual feedback, some centering around my unjust quotation of Flea, but most questioning my exclusion of Scott Keith. In an attempt to rectify the situation, welcome to my All Scott Keith, All the Time edition of the Smarkies!

Last week I mentioned that Scott was out to submarine me by halting his Smarkish ways. As it turns out, I couldn't have been more wrong! Scott responded to my neglect by launching the Smarkiest era in the history of mankind! Even I was impressed by the sheer AMOUNT of Smarkishness that SK unleashed upon an unsuspecting world. So with no further ado, I present:

Attack of the Fifty Foot Keith,
or
Plan 9 From Outer Smarks!

Act 1: The Fifty Foot Keith attempts to gain our sympathy!
Earlier this year, Scott's site, theSmarks.com, announced it was shutting down.

Act 2: The Shocking Swerve, Part 1!
TheSmarks didn't really shut down.

Act 3: Is a Work? Is it a Shoot? Does anyone care?
TheSmarks announced that they had fired game reviewer The Scotsman.

Act 4: Shocking Swerve Part 2, Electric Boogaloo!
TheSmarks didn't really fire The Scotsman.

Act 5: Scott vs The HackerMaster in a Battle For the Ages!
Messages from someone calling themselves "The HackMaster" began appearing on theSmarks, claiming to have "hacked" the site in order to attack Scott Keith.

Act 5: Shocking Swerve Part 3: Oh, grow the hell up already!
It later turned out that "HackMaster" was actually "The Scotsman".

Act 6: Scott's legions of fans speak out for his honor!
"I knew there was a reason I quit going to that site." -Chip Boots

Hey, if I were Scott, I'd insult anyone that read me TOO.
Referring to his "feud" with his imaginary friend, Scott Keith wrote: "Congratulations to anyone reading this update with bated breath...you have been worked."

Apparently, Mr. Keith had to pop the ratings to insure a better buyrate for next month's Pay Per View.
Scott also mentioned, "Scotsman was never fired, we just wanted to give him a couple of weeks away from the limelight while we worked out a suitably big way to bring him back into the fold, which we did."

Then again, maybe he's NOT delusional after all.
Commenting on his reader's reaction to the "HackMaster" ordeal, Scott said, "The rest of the internet world rightly didn't care "

No, he's delusional and doesn't know how to spell.
In a recent rant, Scott wrote: "Best sign ever: "It's Whooo You Morons, Not Wooo!"

Just like you have a closed site, a fired games reviewer, and a mad stalker hacking your site.
Scott wrote on his site: "I hate to drag an overused catchphrase out, but if I had a nickel for every time I'd "lost all my credibility", dating back to RSPW in 1994, I'd be rich by now. But, amazingly, I still seem to have credibility."

But then again, it was all worth it if it increased theSmark's readership...
"I've never heard of that site until just now, and I will never, EEEEEEVER! Go there. Gay to the 10,000th power. " -FidelSarcastro, via the net

Gay to the 10,000th power?
Referring to the Scotsman 'returning', Scott wrote, "I'm very relieved that Scots is still around for my own personal reasons (which I'm sure Scots knows about)."

Thanks for the thought, but I only sue people who have money.
"Dear Mr. Keith:
Your recent use of the newest ITVR Slogan "We" was seen in your SmarK Rant on 411wrestling.com. This is a registered trademark of ITVR, Inc. The blatant theivery of ITVR Trademarks and material will not be tolerated. That coupled with your past usage of the trademarks "In This Very Ring" and and obvious imitation of our very own Kyle "Y Pac" Maxwell's "The Smarkies" has put you in deep water with our legal department, Mr. Keith, and given your past records with legal battles, I highly doubt that you would want to get in a struggle with us. That is why I have sent you this cease and desist letter. I hope we here at the ITVR Legal Department will not have to contact you again over matters such as this. Plase do not take this letter lightly. This is a very serious matter. Thank you and good day.
Sincerely,
Stinko C. Malenko"
-Stinko Malenko, ITVR staff lawyer.


Next week: Will the Smarkies finally mention the guy with all the initials in his name? You know, the one that sorta sounds like "See Our Zebras?" Stay tuned to fined out!