Merry Christmas and a happy new years, folks!  Tis time for the Holiday Edition of the Smarkies!  Since this is a time for peace and joy among all mankind, I thought I’d focus on the warm, HUMAN side of wrestling industry.  With that in mind, here we go- the LAST Smarkies of the year!

Pretty soon I’m going to run out of column names for people to steal.

Wrestling site The Smarks announced “The Smarkies”.  This follows on the heels of Scott Keith naming his book “In This Very Ring.” 

Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men

The Torch ran week long editorials condoning the practice of Hazing within the WWF.

Jolly Elf of the Year

TheSmark columnist “The Scotsman” wrote, regarding a wrestling game: “You should be wanting a game with restholds; psychology; guys with no personality, and all that other Japanese shit the 'net virgins all jack off over.”

Sorry Scott, next year we’ll add a special “Knock Knock Joke” category for you.

Scott Keith wrote:  “The winner of the “Funniest Joke in the World” contest, about Sherlock Holmes and Watson going camping, just re-affirms that indeed the majority of the internet has no sense of humor”

I’m personally offended that they’re ignoring all the Druids, Atheists and Devil Worshipers throughout the heartland of America.

From the ever PC Torch- “Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, Kwanzaa, or otherwise, happy holidays to everyone!”

Oh, I get it.  Christians, Africans, Muslims and Jews are fine by you, but women better stay naked and covered in baby oil.

“I want women on TV every night. I love seeing beautiful women (and Ivory) in various states of undress with very little in the way of underwear on” – Jason J Cox, Torch Editorial.

Wanted: Writer for the Torch.  Must be 14 – 17 years of age, ardent Dungeons and Dragons fan, and must not under any circumstances have ever gotten laid.  Contact Wade Keller.

Jason continued, “I want to be part of a storyline. It involves me and Terri and Stacy and will culminate in the first ever All Nude Sixty Minute Baby Oil match.”

I think you have him confused with Ron Jeremy.

TheSmarks ran a headline reading “When did Jimmy Hart become a fucking legend?”

…which is why they repeated the spot 15 more times before finally giving up.

Jerry Lawler admitted that fan reaction was mostly negative to the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass club.

Because nothing says “Christmas” like an incest/pedophilia joke…

During “Byte This”, Kevin Kelly remarked: “I had an uncle who used to enjoy the kids sitting on his lap…”

…unless, of course, it’s strippers, gratuitous T&A, and Mae Young’s crotch.

The Christmas Edition of Raw featured strippers dancing on tables, and Torrie Wilson in her bra.

But… but… it’s my JOB to be offended!

Our beloved leader Rick Scaia opined that people who were offended by the Confessional segment of Raw “need to get out more.”

And that’s it for this week, folks.  I’m going to take Rick’s advice and get out more, and I highly encourage the rest of you to do likewise- go visit some relatives or something, for heaven’s sake.  Hit them with a steel chair if you must, but GO!

E-MAIL KYLE
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