by Moses Gates
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Hey look!   I got some letters!   The second letter was from a guy in Denmark who told me that everyone on the net had already talked about my topic last week, and the third (and last) letter was from my best friend in 4th grade who came across the column and thought he’d see how I was doing.   But my very first letter I’ll throw up here as kind of a "first dollar" thing.    Brian Middlebrook writes:

I must say that my personal favorite belt is the WWF title.  After watching years of WWF with no corrupting WCW influence, I've gotten very used to having an eagle on the world belt.  As a bizarre side effect, I now refuse to recognize any title without some avian influence on its front. Incidentally, the WCW gold-plated monstrosity always looked to me like it was gold foil-covered chocolate.

I love this letter.   It’s short, on topic, expresses a point and opinion I didn’t make in the column, and gets a funny line in there at the end.

If you follow the example this letter sets you have a much better chance of me throwing it up at the beginning of the column.  And then you’ll be almost as famous on the Internet as I am!

In another follow up to last week’s column, Jericho is currently carrying both belts.   But note in the Raw main event promo graphic, Jericho is prominently displaying the WWF title on his right shoulder, while the WCW title is less prominently displayed on the left shoulder!   Coincidence?  

By the way, what the heck was Jericho doing in that graphic?   He looked like a satanic dog trying to shake himself off after a flea bath.

Anyway, while everyone out there is no doubt thinking about the implications of Chris Jericho’s first WWF title reign, ascension to true main event status, and recent heel turn I, on the other hand, am thinking about Chris Jericho’s new hairdo (formally the Undertaker’s, but we’ll get to that later).  

The pulled back in a braided ponytail look I can get behind.   Not as much as the goofy topknot that he had in WCW and early in the WWF, but a lot more than the loose, stringy, in his face all the time style he had recently.   The red weave, however, has got to go.    It seems like Jericho is going with a kind of a yellow, orange, and red motif - witness the Bam Bam Bigalow shirt on Raw - so I understand the red.   It’s the ponytail weave that’s dumb.   Plus Jackie already did with Sable’s hair (loved it then).   In other Jericho notes, I didn’t see Vengeance, but read that the "come on baby!" arrogant pin attempt has returned.   Yeah!

Now on to the Undertaker.   You want respect?   How about the fact that you got a haircut without having to job out in a hair match?   That’s respect.   As for the cut itself?   Still a little too long for my tastes.   He should have gone with a military-style buzz.    But I did dig his latest entry in the "how many different ways can we wear or carry a title belt" contest.  

While we’re on the subject of hair, let me give you my top three hairstyle changes of all time.   Of course, when I say "all time" I mean "the last 5 years."   Too much time talking about hair you say?   Hey, the WWF devoted a Slammy award to best hair in 1996 (or was it 1997?   How many years were there Slammy Awards anyway?), which was won by Hunter Hearst Helmsley in his pre-initial days.

#1.   Booker T.   Not because Booker’s old ‘do was so much worse than his new one, but because the new hairstyle was the first thing about him that said, "I know it’s not 1986 anymore!"   I mean really, a flattop?   In the year 2000?   Now just work on the entrance music, catchphrases, and signature move and we might get all the way up to 1992.   Hey don’t get me wrong, Booker T’s one of my favorite wrestlers, I’m as into retro 80s stuff as any other 26-year-old out there, and see the bottom of the column for my thoughts on the spinaroonie.   But Booker, either make it into a gimmick, or get with the times.

Sorry, that last part was about a character and I promised I wouldn’t do that.  

#2.   Jeff Jarrett.   First of all, God Bless Jeff Jarrett for getting a haircut the right way, in a hair match – and come to think of it, what might have been the last hair match in the WWF.   Write me if you think of another one.   Maybe in the days of "Kiss my Ass" matches this doesn’t mean a whole lot, but I’ll always have a special spot in my heart for Jarrett because of this.   Plus the haircut got him away from his old character, which despite numerous IC and US belts, a spot in the Four Horsemen, huge pyros, and a million other efforts, had completely failed to get over at all for about 3 years.   

Damn it, this not talking about characters is really tough.   I’m revising my statement last week to allow the loophole that I can talk about how the Little Things affect the characters.   Yes, this is probably the beginning of a decent down a long, slippery slope into just another dumb column about what some schmoe thinks of pro-wrestling.

#3.   Randy Savage.   The new hairdo totally changed his character from "balding middle-aged has-been" to "virile middle-aged stud."   Well, the hairdo and the three hot chicks he brought to ringside.   Oh come on.   You’d do Madusa.

Now for the random little changes and additions.   Since I don’t want to have to expand my vocabulary too much, I’m just going to give my opinion on these things as "loved it," "hated it," and "torn."

Rock’s Tights – Hated them.   I don’t know if it’s the lighting or my TV set, but I think he was wearing black tights with pink writing on the front and a pink Brahma Bull on the back.   Horrible color choice (and also I’m not a big fan of stuff on the front of wrestler’s tights), but maybe it was supposed to go with Trish’s pink hot pants or something.

New entrance music remixes – Torn.    Actually, I don’t want to blow my wad on this one quite yet.   I think I’ll save it for next column.

Stone Cold’s new "What?" shirt – Torn.   I thought it would be better with the "What?" on the back, but then I went to the WWF Shopzone and saw that they had another shirt with "What?" on the back (with the three faces of Austin graphic they used for a PPV recently on the front).   The new shirt has a smoking skull on the back, by the way.

HHH's "Beautiful Day" video - Loved it.   Great piece on HHH, and a good choice of music.   But what's with HHH getting his own song while the rest of the WWF has to share the crappy "My Sacrifice?"   HHH must be exercising his backstage political pull again!   Why can't the my congressman be more like HHH?   Oh wait, I live in DC.   I don't have a congressman.

In case you missed it (all of these are from the last Raw): The People’s Elbow might have looked strange to you because Rocky did it facing the camera for the first time that I can remember.   Michael Clarke Duncan was wearing a "Team Bring It" cap.   The writing on the front of the Rock’s tights said "The Rock."   I couldn’t make out the tattoo on the Big Show’s back or the brand of jeans Booker T was wearing.   Any help out there?

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