by The Immolator
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

"More pain! More! Make him suffer!" — Mr. Fuji

Welcome back to The Ring. “The Immolator” Calum Macbeth here, at your service.

Not a heck of a lot going on right now with Ol’ Calum. No match last week, and no lesson up until this past Tuesday, when I got into the ring and proceeded to get bent, folded, spindled and mutilated six different ways. My knee still hurts a bit, but it’s my back that’s killing me right now. I’ve got a TENS device strapped to my back right now. That’s Transdermal Electric Nerve Stimulation, or something like that. Electric pulses are racing back and forth across the affected area, causing the release of endorphins. Beats the hell out of morphine addiction. Still, not as effective as my painkiller of choice: a double White Russian with Stoli’s Vanilla.

I have been doing this wrestling thing for about four months now. Looking back, I don’t think I’ve had more than a day or two in a row where I didn’t have at least some minor discomfort. That doesn’t surprise me. Just about every pain-causing event was a case of me being a student who doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing. I’m only just now developing what could be considered good form in the ring. Where there is good form, there is far less chance of injury. I’ve also been whacked by a stray elbow or fist here and there, but nothing major.

So, if I’m in a state of physical discomfort 99 per cent of the time, why am I doing this? Well, it’s not like I’m doubled over in pain all the time. Mostly, I’ve suffered a collection of bumps and bruises. That’s the price of being physically active. You play football, you jam a shoulder. You play basketball, you roll an ankle. You play hockey, you break a finger while beating on some guy who still has his helmet on. Me, I wrestle.

It would be a far different scenario if I were out there hitting Shooting Star Presses and all that. That’s not for me. I mark out for the cruiserweights, don’t get me wrong. But there has to be a time and a place, and an opponent, before I would consider putting my own body at an elevated risk. As far as my training goes, heck, we haven’t even gotten to power bombs yet, and we may never will. I think the last thing the House of Pain wants is a Joe Thurman (or a Mass Transit, or a Charles Austin, or…).

Speaking of the name “Austin,” I had the guilty pleasure of watching a certain Steve Williams on ESPN Classic Canada the other day. He was wrestling Mark Youngblood in one of his (Williams’s) first matches in USWA. His trainer at the time, Chris Adams, was providing commentary. He said Williams had been wrestling for six months. And, let me tell you, the match they had looked exactly like some of the matches I have had at the House of Pain. Lots of hip tosses and arm drags, with each guy hitting a double underhook suplex, and Youngblood with some kind of botched springboard legdrop for the win. Hell, Calum Macbeth could have done the same damn thing.

Ah, the siren song of the indy wrestler/wrestling student: “I can do that.” Indeed I can. Does that mean Calum Macbeth will be the next Stone Cold? Or the next Mark Youngblood?

Stay tuned.

Peace.

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