by sayitan
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Okay folks this is where I talk about the week in fake wrestling. Another slow week, so I'll pretty much get straight to WWE TV. Smackdown! was taped over the weekend, and while I don't spoil the show per se, I definitely mention it once or twice. Read at your own risk.

Clearing things up a bit, I want to emphasize the fact that I write this column "for fun", "as a hobby", and "contributing to what I believe is the best pro wrestling site on the net today." No more, no less. In what is usually an inebriated state, I speak my mind on pro rasslin', and yes, I take a few potshots, but only because that's what Mr. Scaia has been having to deal with on a very consistent basis. It's extremely unfair. Rick goes out there and delivers a quality column that doesn't talk down to you and gets to the point, but apparently this type of writing is becoming extinct and giving way to the era of what I call, "The Generic Ranting Smark with Girlfriend". If you want to see an example of what I'm talking about, head on over to 411wrestling right now. If you like what you see over there - then stay there. Because what you get is a bunch of pretentious "'net sceners" hellbent on dropping names, reviewing films, discussing exciting moments in their lives, and generally boring you to tears. Hyatte, Eric S., the lot of them…it's like the owners of 411 are suddenly in the asshole cloning business. The only decent feature of 411, Scott Keith, can be found here on OO (and most Wendy's, KFC and McDonald's) and without those lame subtitles he comes up with.

THIS WEEK'S 411 MOMENT: Blah blah fucking blah. Check out our news update, containing 46,000,000 words, 100,000 of which apply to pro wrestling.

Onto the rasslin'.

RAW

Funny how Triple H continues to hog the spotlight despite his in-ring absence. The more I think about RAW's central angle, the more I realize just how ridiculous it is. Two guys gimping around while we're still unsure about who the heel is, who the face is, and what Bischoff's role is in all of it. Toss in some Bret Hart references and a brief encounter with Team Canada and you've got the most ambiguous angle since Steve Austin/Ric Flair/Booker T./nWo. That one resulted in Scott Hall and X-Pac's current WWE unemployment and Kevin Nash screaming for God's help. So there's still hope…

The actual wrestling on RAW was, once again, top notch. RVD/Benoit blew my mind (more on that later), Guerrero/Booker was solid, the mixed tag was way better than it had any right to be, and the Hardcore match served it's purpose more than adequately. Flair/Rock was decent, although Jim Ross and Scott Keith will have you believe it was a ***** OMG LOL classic.

Chris Benoit and Rob Van Dam clearly stole the show, putting on a match that kicked 25 different kinds of ass. I got to scream "MUTHAFUCKIN' TOPE CON HILO!" and Benoit was given a decent amount of time to work on his story-telling. Workrate, psychology, selling…these are the words of virgins. I'll just leave it at this: everyone ends up looking wonderful, Van Dam moves on to bigger and better things, Benoit wears gold. Let's go have a picnic.

So who smashed Shawn's face into the window? And didn't this same thing happen a few years ago? Shouldn't Shawn Michaels stay the fuck away from cars inconspicuously parked out back? Why does Rocky get so much interview time when he just wastes it with complete and utter tripe? Just how much does Hyatte weigh? These are interesting questions, and there are 5 of them.

Overall, a solid RAW, but I thought Team Canada's entrance came off kinda weak. These guys should have a pretty big role in the Non-Benoit/Guerrero era, and they spent Monday getting interrupted by Shawn Michaels and waving chairs around in the general vicinity of the Undertaker's face. If they do go with Team Canada as the culprits of the Michaels attack, at least we might be onto something interesting: icon-killers. Anything, ANYTHING to avoid the trainwreck that Michaels/H at Summerslam would deteriorate into.

SMACKDOWN

Another week, another awesome display from Rey Mysterio. The results from this past weekend's Smackdown! taping are in, and Rey's going places. By "places", I mean "temporary push due to innovative skill, eventually quashed by ethnicity and size."

Hogan got a victory back from Angle, and that's fine, because a good icon-thrashing is exactly what the doctor ordered for Lesnar. Angle/Lesnar is pure gold but we all know it'll be much more satisfying when Lesnar's more established.

The following wrestlers are extremely boring: Chuck, Billy, Rico, John Cena, D-Von, Batista, and Rikishi. You might also note they all wrestle on Smackdown.

In other Smackdown action, the sought-after Cruiserweight title made a brief appearance as Nidia made out with Michael Cole. Did you see Cole resisting? That's right. You know it, I know it, a clueless putz like Jay Bower would know it. Benoit and Guerrero jump ship, and don't fool yourself for a second - top form or no, Benoit and Guerrero are currently receiving ZERO respect as angle replacements. First it was the horrible and inconclusive Austin/Flair switch, now it's literally stepping in for Team Canada, continuing a feud during the weekend's tapings that began two weeks ago.

The main event was great, but Edge continues to bore the hell out of me. I can't think of a more generic, listless face in WWE right now. He's been given the opportunities - a solid feud with Angle, a semi-feud with Jericho, a series of cage matches - and now it looks like he's been firmly entrenched in the IC ranks once again.

THE WEEK AHEAD

While Smackdown disappointed, RAW kicked ass and kept up my interest single-handedly. Having Benoit on both shows this past week was definitely a pleasant surprise, but I'm hoping the rapid-fire crossovers take a break of about a month or so to allow for some stand-alone action on each show. Bischoff and Stephanie definitely have the "competition" thing going on, and it's working better than anything else they've tried up to this point. Smackdown's all wrapped up and looks pretty good, ESPECIALLY the part where a certain "Hulkamaniac" is crushed by a certain "Brock Lesnar". RAW promises more Rob Van Dam good action, and may I be the first to suggest RVD/Rhyno ASAP. Tommy Dreamer is the new (and rightful) Hardcore champion, and Jericho/Storm and Christian should do well filling the void left by Benoit/Guerrero. The big question is this…when's the next Kurt Angle outfit change?

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