OO Column: Crashing the Boards (Pro Wrestling News, Analysis, and Commentary... WWE, WWF, WCW, ECW, The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, Rob Van Dam, Hulk Hogan, Undertaker, Trish Stratus, Lita, Stacy Keibler, Divas, RAW, SmackDown, WrestleMania

CRASHING THE BOARDS
Is It Racist? — Lawler! — Brock, He's Okay — Triple H Got His
Steph Cut Off — Five Goooooollllllllld Rings! — Trish as Hulkster? —
Triple H Irrelevant? — Steph Sexy — Raw/J.R. Good — Fire
Indeed Hot! — Foreign Films — It's UnderDog! — Cena, B²
and 6.02 x 10²³ — Why Do You Watch This Madness?
December 27, 2002

by YOU, The OO Readers
Compiled by Jeb Lund from the OO Message Boards

[Editor's Note: Because of Holiday headaches and business, board debate was lower in volume this week. There were fewer topics to choose from; although, in those topics, the quality of debate was occasionally more intense. Because of sheer topic or posting length, some subjects were left out, as well as some posts. To include all the relevant replies would have pushed this column to 20 pages; to include the posts without discussion would have been a disservice to those who bothered to reply. Enjoy!]

D-Lo Brown and A Racist Angle
A racial angle won't work with Stephanie McMahon and Brian Gerwetz writing it. Seriously, can we trust [this] tandem with something with this much sensitive content when they were just writing about necrophilia two months ago?
— ChrisisGood517

I'm actually surprised that there aren't more storylines about race in wrestling. Racial issues are a part of any social or work environment. If you want to do storylines that run alongside real life events, using a racial story makes sense to me. D-Lo is probably one of the only wrestlers on the roster that could pull off a storyline like this. Bring on the New Nation!
— Super Grover

I'm not opposed to a racial angle in wrestling, however I'd much rather see it over on Smackdown! Gerwetz is a comedy writer, and for this angle to work it needs to get pretty heavy. Shelton Benjamin is an amazing talent, and could have an angle already built in to this new Nation. He was the other half of the Minnesota Stretching Crew with Brock Lesnar — why did only Lesnar get the push? And if this it the road the WWE plans to take, the former K-Kwik, Ron "The Truth" Killings, needs to be the mic man behind this faction. It has been reported that Killings has accepted his invitation to be at the 10th anniversary Raw show, so any bad feelings aren't going to get in the way of good business. Killings and Benjamin would make a very good tag-team, and if it was done on Smackdown! I think a confrontation with Cena and Buchanan would be a good place to start.
— Shaggy

That Bra Has Some Workrate, Eh J.R.?
Women's matches are no longer the automatic stinker they used to be. My only beef with the way the division is being handled is Jerry Lawler. These girls are busting their ass in the ring, and the only thing Lawler feels he needs to add to the match is to comment on their "puppies." If I never hear that word again it will be too soon.
— Shaggy

Brock Lesnar Really Is The Next Big Thing
As I watch SmackDown! again and listen to the enormous pop that Brock Lesnar got at the end of the show, I realize that this guy definitely has "it." By "it," I mean that intangible factor that makes people love him. The thing a guy has when he's ready to have a company revolving around him.

First of all, let's shoot down the argument that the pop was fake. [It wasn't. I was there — ed.] It didn't sound fake, and the people in the crowd were standing up and going nuts. Now that that's out of the way, let's see why they like him so much. Pretty much, there's two roads to popularity: be such a perfect person that you're put on a pedestal and seen as a hero, or dwell among the commoners to relate to them. Hulk Hogan and The Rock were part of the former group. Stone Cold Steve Austin and, I believe, Brock Lesnar fall into the latter. How do people relate to him? Well, he came into WWE as Just Another Monster©. That's not really relatable. He slowly evolved, however, into an intense, driven, methodical monster. Then, when he turned face, he turned into an intense, driven, methodical, yet flawed monster. He was too reckless. He was too trusting. He lost his temper. He failed. If my theory is correct, the fans see that this guy is a nice enough guy when he's calm. However, when he gets mad, he goes off the handle and sometimes does things that he regrets. But sometimes, he does really fucking cool things, like suplex someone clear out of the ring, to release this anger. Also, when he does these cool things, he usually maintains his [outward?] calm. He has a confidence about him that the fans can either relate to or would like to possess.

So what am I trying to say? I'm saying that this guy needs to be pushed to the top NOW. I know he's being pushed already, but I'm talking about a Stone Cold push. Push this Angle-Lesnar feud to the very top of the shows (even mentioned on Raw) and hype it up like hell until Wrestlemania, because Angle needs all the support he can get, too. I like him even more than Lesnar, but his face [now heel] character probably can't go far. Push this as a legendary rivalry on the same level as Savage-Hogan, Flair-Steamboat, and Austin-Rock. Do it now before it's too late.
— Bullet Tooth Joe

Is Triple H Less Interesting Without Steph?
I had a revelation at work tonight that Triple H's character just hasn't been as deep since the divorce angle. Think about it... some of the most memorable and exciting storylines of the past three years came from the Triple H-Stephanie marriage. Remember when they first got together, and terrorized EVERYBODY in the WWF? Remember when we all thought Stephanie would cheat on Triple H with Kurt Angle? Remember when Triple H was trying to teach Trish Stratus some "moves" and got busted by Steph, who already hated Trish for shagging Vince?
I'm loath to admit it, because I was complaining just as much as everybody else about the overexposure of Stephanie at the time, but looking back now I realize just how much she added to Triple H's character...
— ChrisisGood517

The Female Hulk Hogan?
My only problem with the treatment of the women's division is that it reminds me too much of the WWF back in the eighties. It's always Trish (in the role of Hulk Hogan) v. This Season's Heel Opponent. Molly (summer heel) has disappeared since Victoria showed up. Another month of her, and it'll be Trish v. Jazz, as we say goodbye to the fall heel and usher in the winter heel.

There has to be a better way of managing the talent. I realize Jacqueline has been getting on TV lately, but the women's division still puts its onus on Trish and one other woman at a time. And I don't like that at all. Plus, I noticed all of the flack given to Trish in a thread about our least favorite wrestlers not too long ago. This might be one of the reasons she's not liked, because she's always on TV and nobody else! Give us a new face, give us something, anything. Just quit treating Trish like Hulk Hogan, circa 1987, and everybody else as her seasonal opponents.
— Slade

He's So Successful That He's Made Himself Irrelevant
The thing about Triple H is that he has really done it all, thus his character has become very boring. His heel days with the McMahon/Helmsley era were gold, and the teasing of his face turn twice were enough to really get me into his character at that time. I actually wanted the guy to turn and was behind it all the way. I think the pinnacle of my appreciation of Trip was during the "two-man power trip" angle with Austin.

Unfortunately, his torn quad deep-sixed that angle, and 8 months later he returned as a face. A weak face. A face that was involved in a silly break-up angle with Steph that clouded what really should have been a money feud with Jericho. Instead, we got treated to dog poop and a Wrestlemania X-8 main event that had zero crowd reaction. A month later, Trip — the man who retired Foley, pinned the Rock in a Wrestlemania 2000 main event and defeated Stone Cold Steve Austin in a two-out-of-three falls match — lost to the slow and over-the-hill Hulk Hogan after a simple Undertaker chair shot. As his facedom began to putter out, Trip resorted to his old faithful heelish ways, and it just seemed to be too much.

I stopped caring. Others started hating. And a very few still had it for him. To make this situation worse, he switched to the Raw roster and became the focal point of the show, alienating even more fans. Perhaps some sort of alliance will help his character out, though the Flair thing did not work so well (at least it hasn't yet.) So I just don't really care about the guy any more. He's right, he has done it all. He's done so much that there isn't anything left for him to do. So why should we care?
— Eli

They Just Want to See Steph Naked
I'm as sick of Triple H as anybody. But I'm sick of people insisting that he's using his political influence to keep his spot and hold other wrestlers down. How the hell did idle speculation turn into gospel on this one? Sure he's banging the boss's daughter, but beyond that, what do we really know? Do any of us know any of the parties involved, or anybody that is less than three degrees away from a WWE employee? Where are we getting this information? The answer is "we're not." All we're doing is speculating, and all this speculation is annoying.

Hate him for his workrate. Hate him for his tired interviews. Hate him for his big-assed nose. Just hate him for something tangible, not for something that you'd be doing if you were in his place.
— Markout

Raw Is Pulling Ahead in the Brand Race
While it's been hard to defend the Raw brand until recently, you cannot deny the giant leaps forward this program has taken as of late.

I realize that Smackdown! offers unparalleled in ring action on a weekly (and until recently PPV) basis. But while Thursday's show seems to focus on the same six guys, let's not be remiss and realize what Monday Night Raw has once again become... exciting.

I must admit that until the late fall (HBK v. HHH aside), Raw seemed so out of focus, almost reminiscent of the last year of WCW. But that show has done a complete 180-degree turnaround as of late. Let me regale you with my reasons.

Let's start with Triple H being crowned World Champ. Despite what you say, if this brand extension is to work, each show or roster needs its own champ. His challengers, like RVD and Kane, lacked proper build up and subsequently failed. But [then came] the unimaginable return and victory of one HBK. This title switch was necessary, and I'll tell you why.

For one it was emotional; two, he had more drawing power at that point than the other guys in the Chamber. Three, it fit into the months of storylines surrounding it. That is how you create and keep viewers. What about Booker T or RVD you say? Well.

Both guys will have their runs as champ, but as of November, it didn't make sense. Booker T is so over it's sick, but after his tag title run, it's time for a great angle to be built for him leading to his title reign. RVD is over, but not over enough at this point to carry the brand. And Kane doesn't need the title to be over and won't ever get it again. Sorry.

We all would have liked to see HBK's run go a tad longer, especially [to be] challenged by Y2J. But that feud will happen sans the title and will be just as entertaining. What Raw needed was a new fresh challenger for Triple H, and boy did we get one in Big Poppa Pump.

Aside from the title picture, Raw is actually focusing on the midcard now. Bautista is being pushed, and he's got Kane to feud with. Regal and Storm are no doubt next in line for the tag titles, destined to feud with the reunited and extremely over Dudley Boyz. People finally give a shit about Test, and RVD as well as 3MW are adding to the program every week.

The last two PPV's have actually been headlined by Raw stars. As much as pure wrestling fans dig the big six on Smackdown!, it's Raw that is slowly creeping up as the show-stealer.

And finally Raw's storylines are fresh — HBK-Jericho in a semi-shoot, HHH-BPP fighting over the main event spot, Eric Bischoff being entertaining. Smackdown! is rehashing an old storyline of Brock being screwed out of getting another title shot. Hello... Stone Cold's No Chance in Hell angle with McMahon's Corporation leading into Royal Rumble 1999?

In closing, Kudo's to Raw for rebounding after the Katie Vick debacle. 2003 will see Raw pull ahead once again, like they did in 1998 against Nitro.
— Mike Bruno, [MikeBruno8@aol.com]

J.R. May Not Be a Hoss, But He's Not So Bad
[on the benefits of the Regal/Storm v. J.R./Lawler main event]

1. It firmly establishes Storm and Regal as heels (whereas before they only had the now-stupid unAmerican gimmick) giving them the heel edge.

2. It establishes the Dudleys v. Regal/Storm feud nicely, on a BIG level (main event).

3. It pushes the whole tag team division. Along with the women's division, the tag division has been given a nice push as of late, and that title is starting to mean a lot more, especially with the duo of Booker and Goldust holding the straps. If the tag division is sufficiently pushed, it rubs off onto all the guys in the division, which is a very good thing.
— masterofpigeons

Some Foreign Films Teach You the Proper Ballast for Weighing Down the Corpses of Those You've Murdered
With all the "reality shows" taking up so much air time, the movie Man Bites Dog really does strike a chord. The story is this: an independent film crew follows a thief/serial killer around, showing pretty much his everyday routine and how he goes about his business. Imagine The Osbournes, but with Ozzy as a serial killer. Of course, as time goes on, it becomes apparent that there's a moral dilemma involved: do the filmmakers endorse the behavior by filming it? The twist in the plot comes when another film crew is introduced, and they're filming their own serial killer.

This film was very well done, well sprinkled with humor and with a main character that spends a lot of time talking about a whole lot of serious matters. It's a good thought-provoking film. It's a Belgian movie, in French, with relatively well-translated English subtitles. Definitely something to check out.
— masterofpigeons

Underdog Mania!
What would make a bigger splash right now than a "mid-card underdog loser" angle on Raw? Picture it: some mid-card face wins the Royal Rumble on a perceived fluke. Bischoff is infuriated, because he knows that a Raw match at Wrestlemania between HHH and (we'll just say Al Snow because he's a perfect example of the type of worker it would take for this to work) would embarrass him and his show.

They could ride the "HHH's ego is gigantic" thing for all it's worth. Bischoff would keep putting roadblocks in front of the midcard guy, where he'd have to win some insane match to keep his Wrestlemania title shot. HHH could keep coming out and interfering on behalf of his opponent, so that he could have a "guaranteed win" at Wrestlemania. Plus, HHH could use his power with Bischoff and Vince to make his match the main event at Wrestlemania, over Lesnar v. Angle.

But here's the catch: they put the face over clean. If even the WWE gives this guy no chance whatsoever of winning, and makes us believe that he's just another automatic PPV victory for HHH, this could go over like a big Indian. If it wasn't working, they could take the belt off of him at Backlash or even on an episode of Raw (how long since we've seen that?).

They'd just have to make sure that the guy facing HHH had no chance of winning whatsoever. Of course the smarks would just think it's HHH having a tremendous ego-trip and destroying the company little-by-little. It would be great for everyone's last image of Wrestlemania to be a perceived "loser" in the ring with the belt, and having everyone getting their Joey Styles on and saying "Oh, my GOD!" Then the winner could have an Andre Agassi at Wimbledon/Kurt Angle at the Olympics type "Oh, my God, I can't believe this has happened to me" celebration in the ring to close the show.
— Machmod Serpentor

Cena and Buchanan Could Be the Wu-Tang Pair
[responding to Cena and Buchanan's proposed names] Perfect! Bling Bling Buchanan and John C-Note. Tag team name: Cash Money. Finishing moves: Tha Chedda, Paid In Full, and the Dolla Dolla Bill Y'all....
— salmonjunkie

Column Response: Why Do You Watch Wrestling?
Someone asked me that once, and all I could think of saying was, "It entertains me at my lowest common denominator." But I don't know if that's quite fair to say that. I mean, if it was my lowest common denominator, why would I get involved in intelligent conversation about this form of entertainment? Yes, I have been watching since I was a boy, and maybe the familiarity of it, along with seeing it evolve while I was growing up, could have something to do with it. I do enjoy the athleticism and the storytelling (for the most part), but how is it that I enjoy it enough where I'm sitting here, typing this out to a group of wrestling nuts? That, I don't know....
— salmonjunkie

I watch wrestling because it is one of the few things on TV where you never know what could happen. I watch wrestling because I like seeing these exhibitions of moves and flips that are just as impressive as any Olympic gymnastics show. I like seeing the age old story of good v. evil, but in an environment not so different from sports. I like watching characters progress. Wrestling is like a soap-opera in the sense that you can grow along with a character. Who would have thought that a blue-blooded snob would become the cerebral assassin?

I watch for action, comedy, drama, and sometimes just for something to do. I watch because more often then not, I am entertained and enjoy the show.
— bigfatgoalie

It's hard to describe why I watch wrestling. But to put it into one word, it would be "entertainment." Just like a soap opera, its storylines pull you in and make you wonder what will happen next. Even the worst shows get a following, and it is because everyone has the desire to see what happens. We all want the questions answered; we want wrongs righted, and in most cases we want the good to triumph over evil. The good-over-evil concept has sort have been lost in recent years. Fans tend to cheer as much and sometimes more for the heel, and that is because of the entertainment value.

I continued watching because of the social aspect. Despite the few people who [asked], "Why do you watch that crap? You know its fake don't you?" there [were] quite a few who wanted to talk about all the news from the previous weekend. Many backyard matches were held (all fake with audible cues like, "Okay, now I am going to clothesline you"), and in general, lots of arguments about who was better than whom.

Then came the internet, and the debates weren't about what happened, but what was going to happen. We were converted from markdom overnight practically. Of course we still argued about who was better, but instead of saying who would win, it was who should win. At any rate, we still had to watch the shows.

So why do I still watch it? I am not 10 anymore and the comic book hero age of wrestling is long gone. So now I watch it for the entertainment. The shock value gets higher and higher, the matches get tougher, the women wear less, more risks are taken, the wrestlers are better, the shows are more interesting. What it comes down to is the what-next factor. As long as wrestling is on, I will continue to watch no matter how many bad storylines, or bad business decisions or screwy title changes. What will make me tune in next week is that question, "What next?"
— cpdevine1

This Week's Stats
Most Frequent Subject: Hogan, Hogan, Triple H, Hogan, Hogan, fantasy booking, Stone Cold, Hogan.
Most Spammer-Like Poster: Bud Ellock
Biggest Happenings: Christmas. No one posts; all find goodwill and forbearance in their hearts. Triple H is visited by three ghosts, but he holds them down.
Poster Most In Need of Banishing, an E-Mail Bomb or Repeated Kickings in the Ass: Bud Ellock.

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