by Erin Anderson
Exclusive to OnlineOnslaught.com

Looking back on the interview, I was a little surprised at what he had to say; I interviewed him right before Wrestlemania XIX, and as it turned out, the few predictions that he made were right. He correctly guessed that Brock Lesnar would beat Kurt Angle, Shawn Michaels would pin Chris Jericho, and that Triple H would defeat Booker T. He's either smarter than I originally gave him credit for, or just one lucky bastard. I'm leaning towards the latter.

But just to make sure, I decided to interview him again to see if lightning could strike twice. My knowledge of the Wrestlemania XX card is limited, but there are still a few matches that I'm fairly certain will take place. What does Bert think of them, as well as the state of wrestling in general? He doesn't watch RAW, Smackdown!, or the pay-per-views with me anymore, as my smarkish ramblings tend to annoy the shit out of him. So what's on his mind? Let's find out…

~ Bert and Erin: Part II ~

Erin: Thanks for doing this again.

Bert: Whatever. Let's just get this over with 

E: (sighs) Fine. Have you been watching wrestling much lately?

B: Eh, sometimes.

E: But you don't really make an effort to see the shows or the pay-per-views?

B: Not really.

E: Why not? I know you love Austin, Foley, Eddie Guerrero, Goldberg, Shawn Michaels, and Ric Flair. They're all over TV right now.

B: They are?

E: Yeah. Do you think you could give me more than two-word answers to my questions?

B: Fuck you.

E: Look, this'll just take five minutes, and the pain will all go away. So just answer the damn questions, okay?

B: All right, all right.

E: You're not watching wrestling as much as you used to, obviously. What do you think could make the shows better so that you would watch?

B: Tits. Definitely more tits. Miss Jackie rules.

E: Thank you, Beavis. Anything else?

B: I'm getting really sick of Triple H. He annoys the fuck outta me.

E: (grin) Heh. What about him annoys you?

B: Well, he always wins.

E: You said that the last time I interviewed you.

B: 'Cuz it's true. That, and he talks too much. And what the hell happened to him? He looks like he ate Stephanie.

E: Your guess is as good as mine. Onto another topic: what do you think of this sort-of-romance between Trish and Jericho?

B: It's weird. Is Jericho supposed to be a good guy now? Everyone was cheering him on RAW last week.

E: Well, he's sort of straddling the fence between a heel and a face right now, but I think in the next few weeks his friendship with Christian will dissolve and… what? Why are you looking at me like that?

B: You're doing it again.

E: What?

B: Speaking another language. Stop it.

E: (burying face in hands) Yes, he's a good guy now.

B: Okay, that's what I thought. He's pretty cool now. I like him.

E: But you hated him a month ago.

B: So? Anyway, Trish is way too fuckin' hot for him.

E: (groan) Okay, let's try something else. Did you see the Royal Rumble?

B: No, I missed it.

E: Well, after Eddie pinned Chavo, he proceeded to beat the crap out of him and Chavo Sr. for several minutes. Do you think that kind of action is a little counterproductive to his "good guy" status?

B: (blank stare) Huh?

E: Nevermind. Okay, let's talk about Wrestlemania for a minute. I think it's pretty safe to say that we'll see Undertaker v. Kane. Are you looking forward to that?

B: Hell yeah! That'll be awesome.

E: Aren't you a little worried that a match between two guys that big will be a little slow?

B: Why do you worry about that shit? Just watch the damn match, 'cause it'll be good.

E: Uh-huh. How about Brock versus Goldberg?

B: Uh, Goldberg's on RAW and Brock is on Smackdown! Can't happen.

E: Trust me, it'll happen.

B: [exasperated] How do you know this shit?

E: Because I know. Just answer the question already, all right? Since it looks like Goldberg won't be around after Wrestlemania, do you think he'll still win?

B: What does that have to do with anything? Yeah, he'll win, 'cause he fuckin' GOLDBERG. I can't stand Brock.

E: I thought he was your favorite wrestler.

B: Not anymore. He's turned into a total dick.

E: It's called a personality, Bert. You've gotta admit that he's good at being a bad guy.

B: No, he sucks. Hey… did you say that Goldberg won't be around much longer?

E: That's the rumor.

B: I don't believe you. Why would he not stay? He kicks ass.

E: Just wait and see, all right? [muttering under breath] Moron.

B: I heard that, bitch.

E: All right, one more topic and I'm out of here, dickwad. What do you think about Triple H fighting Benoit at Wrestlemania? Do you think Triple H will just win again?

B: I dunno, dude. I think Benoit might win it.

E: What makes you say that?

B: Like I said, I dunno. I just think he might. Why? You don't think he'll win?

E: I want him to, but I'm a little worried that he won't.

B: Worried? What the fuck are you worried about? It's wrestling, not the end of the world. You're acting like it's something important like politics or some shit like that.

E: Heh. Politics? (giggle)

B: What? What'd I say?

E: (laughing uncontrollably) Nothing. (continues laughing) Politics. You just may turn out to be right, Bert.

B: (Shakes head) I'm outta here. You need help, Erin.

E: (still laughing) Maybe I do. Maybe I do.

~~~

Bert, unwitting genius? You make the call.
  

E-MAIL ERIN
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Erin Anderson is an Atlanta native and a student at Georgia State University. Since writing about wrestling didn't go over too well with her English professors, she vents here at Online Onslaught.

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