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Author: Subject: LOLGFW
GodEatGod
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posted on 8-18-2017 at 04:40 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
LOLGFW

GFW Impact did a big reboot tonight, with Bruce Pritchard out as authority figure and replaced by Jim Cornette of all people. Taryn Terrell, one of the hottest women ever in wrestling, returned to attack Gail Kim because everyone has to feud with Gail Kim there at least five times. Alberto was stripped of the title and they're having a twenty man gauntlet for the belt next week, featuring the incoming Johnny Impact (John Morrison/Johnny Mundo).

I haven't watched since I picked up a couple of eps in the Broken Hardy era, but I might check out the gauntlet next week. Will it be good? Probably not! And I have no idea how I'll survive Josh Matthews and the Pope on commentary, jesus fucking christ.





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bigfatgoalie
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posted on 8-18-2017 at 04:44 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Da Pope quit. So...

Oh and the new champ is ______.

I've never heard of _____, but hey...it can't be worse than David Arquette.

So yeah.

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cardscott5
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posted on 8-18-2017 at 07:20 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I was kinda interested in the reboot, then heard Cornette was back so fuck that.

Like the last poster, I have not heard of the new champion either. I would certainly remember a Deff Darrett.

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CVD39
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posted on 8-18-2017 at 10:15 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
What channel and when is GFW on these days? I bowed out back in 2010, I think.
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Gobshite
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posted on 8-18-2017 at 03:34 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
It's on POP on Thursday nights.

New champ _____ has been with GFW for a year or so, after being released from a bigger company. Standard procedure for GFW really (although ______ won't be recognised for a single thing from
The other company). A bit like how EC3 was released from NXT and went on to become a good draw for them.

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CVD39
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posted on 8-18-2017 at 06:23 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Thanks. No idea what POP is so I'm gonna google.
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Columbo
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posted on 8-18-2017 at 08:54 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I watched an hour last night(thought it started at 9 not 8 ) the good news is that Josh Matthews seemed to have ditched his announcer voice so its less horrible to listen to, the bad news is that the 3 matches I watched weren't very good. Plus now they neon green ropes which is like diarrhea for the eyes. So yeah, pretty much the same tnagfwhateverthefucktheycallthemselvesnow I'm back to not watching until about 8 months from now when I that magical combo of being super high and super bored agayn.





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bopol
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posted on 8-18-2017 at 10:26 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Fuck, if I were GFW, I would have joke matches with all the shit that Cornette hates and then have Corny on commentary.

Week 1: Chuck Taylor and invisible grenade.
Week 2: Danshuko Dino wrestles a blow up doll.
Week 3: Rockstar Spud wrestles 8 year old girl
Week 4: Joey Ryan and the dick flip

At which case, Cornette freaks out and forms a group of super serious wrestlers that want to kill everyone that makes a joke. I'd put Eddie Kingston in that group because he can cut a promo and come across as incredibly intense. Eddie Edwards would make sense.

Oh, and needless to say, it needs to be uncensored.





I only signed up so I can read the forum.

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Count Zero
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posted on 8-18-2017 at 10:28 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I don't like [New Champion Redacted] that much, because his gimmick is pretty DUMMY. Or was, the last time I had a spare fuck to give. Also, that Sienna bish completely bores me, so I'm hoping TT can spark the "Knockouts" somehow... NuDollhouse? Marti & Mia are gone, but I'm sure they can glam up some new recruits and tell them to act crazy!

Neon Green Ropes? If they wanted to add a twist to Naomi's title reign, the WWE could borrow them, and do a BLACKLIGHTS MATTER match. (oh man I'm going to get killed for that.)

ETAlso, the post above mine is fucking BRILLIANT. I will be copypasting it in the OOwards thread.

[Edited on 8-18-2017 by Count Zero]

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janerd75
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posted on 8-19-2017 at 12:46 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by bopol
Fuck, if I were GFW, I would have joke matches with all the shit that Cornette hates and then have Corny on commentary.

Week 1: Chuck Taylor and invisible grenade.
Week 2: Danshuko Dino wrestles a blow up doll.
Week 3: Rockstar Spud wrestles 8 year old girl
Week 4: Joey Ryan and the dick flip

At which case, Cornette freaks out and forms a group of super serious wrestlers that want to kill everyone that makes a joke. I'd put Eddie Kingston in that group because he can cut a promo and come across as incredibly intense. Eddie Edwards would make sense.

Oh, and needless to say, it needs to be uncensored.


And this is why you should be the booker, man. Except for #4. I'm fairly certain Corndog would literally attempt to literally murder Joey Ryan with as much literocity he could muster from all the heavy training he does at Wendy's.



quote:
Originally posted by Count Zero

Neon Green Ropes? If they wanted to add a twist to Naomi's title reign, the WWE could borrow them, and do a BLACKLIGHTS MATTER match. (oh man I'm going to get killed for that.)



You are a real mensch, you know that? I can barely put into words what your hateful words will do for The Cause™, Comrade Canadienne. #BLM





Originally posted by DKBroiler
She looks so different when not in character as a jizz dartboard. What an amazing performer on so many levels.
Side note, anyone else think her finisher should be known as Paige’s Stuck Together?

Catch-As-Catch-Can: The Non-Specific Wrestling Thread

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bopol
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posted on 8-19-2017 at 12:53 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by janerd75


And this is why you should be the booker, man. Except for #4. I'm fairly certain Corndog would literally attempt to literally murder Joey Ryan with as much literocity he could muster from all the heavy training he does at Wendy's.



Exactly. And watching Jim Cornette try to murder someone would be great TV.





I only signed up so I can read the forum.

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First 9
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posted on 8-19-2017 at 05:45 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I still think Cornette has a lot to offer as a manager. Take the right performer, guy with a great look, good in the ring but can't speak for shit and pair him up with Cornette and good things should happen. Yeah, he's an asshole in real life but it's wrestling, almost everybody is.

Bringing him as an authority figure is a waste though.

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GodEatGod
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posted on 8-19-2017 at 07:47 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Count Zero

Neon Green Ropes? If they wanted to add a twist to Naomi's title reign, the WWE could borrow them, and do a BLACKLIGHTS MATTER match. (oh man I'm going to get killed for that.)

[Edited on 8-18-2017 by Count Zero]


I know I've got a rep as a scold, but this made me laugh my ass off. Kudos.





"It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don't like something, it is empirically not good. I don't like Chinese food, but I don't write articles trying to prove it doesn't exist." - Tina Fey

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Count Zero
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posted on 8-19-2017 at 08:23 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I just got Janerd and GEG to laugh at the same joke.

I ... unite people?

We need more unity. I should run for some kinda public office.





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Caesar guy
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posted on 8-20-2017 at 06:45 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Zero, at least be Kane's or Rhino's running mate.





often bored

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cardscott5
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posted on 8-23-2017 at 07:03 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
You guys won't believe this, but there are reports out there that Low Ki has left the company. Out of all the outrageous things, I can't believe someone with Low Ki's track record and easy going personality ended up on the outs. You never hear a bad word about the man and yet, he flows from company to company, always in dispute. What a story.
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CCharger
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posted on 8-23-2017 at 07:06 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Count Zero

Neon Green Ropes? If they wanted to add a twist to Naomi's title reign, the WWE could borrow them, and do a BLACKLIGHTS MATTER match. (oh man I'm going to get killed for that.)

[Edited on 8-18-2017 by Count Zero]


Frankly, I'm shocked that some indie promotion hasn't thought of this already...





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Chris Is Good517
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posted on 8-23-2017 at 09:22 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by cardscott5
You guys won't believe this, but there are reports out there that Low Ki has left the company. Out of all the outrageous things, I can't believe someone with Low Ki's track record and easy going personality ended up on the outs. You never hear a bad word about the man and yet, he flows from company to company, always in dispute. What a story.


Every once in a while, I think "man, if Low Ki went back to WWE now, he would probably be THE guy in NXT, or maybe even a pretty big deal on Smackdown". But then I think there's no way his toxic attitude would fly there. He'd be changing clothes in the janitor's closet to go out and job to Noam Dar on 205 Live every week.





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CCharger
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posted on 8-23-2017 at 09:38 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Chris Is Good517
He'd be changing clothes in the janitor's closet

Lo Ki is small enough where him and Enzo could both fit in there at the same time.





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Paddlefoot
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posted on 8-24-2017 at 12:08 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
The closet conversation would be priceless:

LK - this sucks, this sucks, this fuckin' sucks, this company sucks, I'm better than everyone here, that fucking Irish pretty boy stole my move, this fuckin' sucks
E - eyyyyy, how you doin'?

*pool of blood spreads out from under the door, Kaval walks out alone, immediately becomes most popular guy in the locker room*





Oh my god, they've shot Cabbagehead!

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Count Zero
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posted on 8-24-2017 at 12:20 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Maybe he didn't leave the company? Maybe he pouted so hard that he swallowed himself by accident? Dude has a -serious- scowly-face. And if anybody could "bitter beer face" themself out of existence, it'd be this guy.





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CVD39
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posted on 8-25-2017 at 07:44 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Just watched the show. I think I legit recognized 6 guys. Lashley, Johnny Impact and Chris Masters Light. Oh, and Suicide, Konan (didn't he almost die?) and Lo-Ki.

This show was......not good.

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GodEatGod
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posted on 8-25-2017 at 11:45 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I watched this and wrote down my thoughts as I watched it. It's not exactly a recap, but I amused myself with it, so fuck you, I'm subjecting you to it now. I watched the show, I'm the one who suffered:

Bobby Lashley and some generic MMA guys are mad about him losing to Sydal last week. James Storm cusses at them a lot backstage and Jeff Jarrett looks like your dad waiting to pick you up after your Little League game: disappointed and sweaty.

OVE vs Heatseekers (jobbers) - Not bad in the ring, but Jesus, are they indyriffic in their look and presentation. Basically your local trailer park methheads. I guess they're babyfaces? I dunno. Ohio Versus Everything is a weird fucking name.

Taryn Terrell is still mind-bogglingly hot. I had heard she'd gone born again, but she's dressed like Emma Frost's skankier wrestling cousin so I'm guessing not so much anymore. Her promo was a little coked out, but had a good line or two ("Gail, I thought you came here to retire! I'm just helping you!")

Josh Matthews seems to not be a super-annoying heel anymore, which is good. He's still Josh Matthews, though, which is bad.

It still feels weird for them to say 'Global Force'. It's odd that their house show adds are pretty much "THESE EXIST." and happily show a surprising number of near-empty stadiums.

EC3 is like the Miz on ICOPRO. That's a compliment!

Jim Cornette's a perfectly good babyface, but it still feels wrong.

NOT MUCH WRESTLING SO FAR

Joseph Park looks exactly like fat Penn Jillette. If only Grado would follow Teller's lead and not talk. I don't even want to talk about this segment. I hate Grado. Jesus.

LAX hang out in the Racial Stereotype Lounge.

Gauntlet for the Gold (aka Royal Rumble for the World Title) time! Not watching has taken some of the fun of this, as I don't recognize anyone's entrance music or half of the people, so it's like IT'S A GUY! A GUY HAS JOINED THE FIGHT! It doesn't help that they have names like "Braxton Sutter". The crowd doesn't really seem to know who they are either, which is reassuring.

"The Standby Wrestler" Richard Justice is a fatter Ron Jeremy whose gimmick is that he...doesn't know how to wrestle. He does squats while other people work. COMEDY.

Oh, thank god, it's EC3. He immediately murders Justice and remains the best part of the show.

Ad for a GFW One Night Only PPV anthology which is literally LOOK AT ALL THE GUYS WHO WORKED FOR US THAT ARE IN WWE NOW.

I don't know Kongo Kong, but he seems to be a more agile Kamala. A face-painted savage character in 2017 is impressively racist - feel those Memphis roots!

Johnny Impact is sold as the big surprise entrant in the match, even though he was advertised last week and multiple times earlier in the show. I guess the announcers don't watch the show. He has no discernible effect on the match, nobody reacts to him as a big deal.

Nobody's getting any shine in this, it's just a lot of random chopping and the occasional highspot, but nobody has any momentum or looks particularly good. Where's Pat Patterson when you need him?

Fat guy named "Fallah Bahh". A tall guy named "KM". Honestly, who is naming these guys? Everyone teams up to try and throw him out, but EC3 refuses to help and rolls out under the bottom rope.

Low-Ki wrestling in full Hitman cosplay, complete with holsters, is fucking hilarious.

Eli Drake wins the title, which...I mean...okay. I like Eli Drake! He's pretty good! And is then completely ignored for another angle with Lashley's MMA squad. Like, literally, Eli holds up the title and they cut the camera to ringside to show Lashley's coach fighting with Scott fucking D'amore of all people.

Conclusion: Um...yeah, this pretty much sucked. There are some talented guys there (Johnny, Moose, Lashley, Eli, Eddie, I'm sure some of the Knockouts) and Taryn Terrell is GOOD LAWD HAWT. EC3 remains a genius and will be a star if he ever comes back to WWE. But the show, the booking, the angles, all of that still pretty much is the same as it ever was: shitty. Nothing about this made me want to watch it again.

[Edited on 8-25-2017 by GodEatGod]





"It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don't like something, it is empirically not good. I don't like Chinese food, but I don't write articles trying to prove it doesn't exist." - Tina Fey

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Paddlefoot
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posted on 8-25-2017 at 11:57 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
"Ohio Versus Everything"? Golly, that's terrific. Seriously.

[Edited on 8/26/2017 by Paddlefoot]





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Count Zero
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posted on 8-26-2017 at 01:44 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
The more I've seen EC3, the more I wonder who thought he wasn't WWE-calibre. He very much was as part of BetaMax (Mmmmmm... I miss Maxine), and his TNA/GWF/WhateverItIsThisWeek work has been pretty consistently the highlights of the company (despite the stupid angles he gets caught up in, he does his best with the crap sammiches he is handed).

I'd rather see him with a MITB-case than Boring Carbomb.

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