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Author: Subject: OO best (worst?) Joke thread
merc
Man of a Thousand Holds






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posted on 7-11-2016 at 10:42 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
OO best (worst?) Joke thread

Ok folks, time to get some good material. Let's hear (read) your best stuff. I know we've got some erh...aha... experimental stand uppers and overall funny people. Leave your GIFs, memes at the door please. (Yes you). And make us laugh out loud.

The floor is open





"I wish sarcasm was available as a font." John Stuart Mill

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Paddlefoot
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posted on 7-11-2016 at 10:47 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
EXTREME TASTELESSNESS WARNING! (plus incoming gif)

Courtesy of the household junior high graduate (rotten kidz these days):

q: how many Jews can you fit in a car?

a: two in the front, three in the back, and six million in the ashtrays.

Hey, the thread opening never said anything about being classy.







Well you know, just because these young men have little education and live in squalor, it doesn't entitle them to commit antisocial behaviour and get away with it.

it's a child molesting robot

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janerd75
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posted on 7-12-2016 at 01:24 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
merc, first of all this was a terrible idea. Second, please forgive The Canadian and his reading comprehension skills. You should have made your edict a bit more broad in scope and perhaps added a bit more u's or eh's if you wanted to get your point across. And C, I can't emphasize enough how bad of an idea this is. And for that, I love you. To the awful jokes!

-----------------------------

Q: What did one gay guy say to the other gay guy after a particularly romantic evening?

A: Dude, you were so tight...dude, you were so tight...dude, you were so tight...

------------------------------

Q: Why do Girl Scout cookies taste so good?

A: They haven't menstruated yet.

------------------------------

Q: What kind of party did a Nazi give a pregnant Jewish women?

A: A baby shower.

------------------------------

Q: How do you know a black guy just committed a crime?

A: I just said it was a black guy, what more info do you need?

-----------------------------

Q: Why did the white guy suspect his wife was cheating on him?

A: His son Quadarrius doesn't look anything like him.

-----------------------------

Q: What's the difference between a baby and an overripe tomato?

A: Nothing. They both look the same when I'm finished with them.

-----------------------------

Q: Why was the mom in Alabama upset when her son finished his chores early?

A: He came too fast.

-----------------------------

And for my closer I offer nothing I, as a hate-filled unfunny hack, could come up with in eleventy billion years but is something you all need in your arsenal if you want to impress chicks or be the life of a Black Panther Party. And now here it is, your moment of Jimmy Carr:

"If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitos from dying needlessly of A.I.D.S."

-----------------------------------

*siiiiigh* If I strayed any further from God's light Steven Hawking could be my proctologist.





"...if you ever want to cash some checks in North America you’re going to have to swallow your pride and do some dumb shit from time to time. You just gotta make it the best dumb shit you can." The DooK of New Jersey

Catch-As-Catch-Can: The Non-Specific Wrestling Thread

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merc
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posted on 7-12-2016 at 04:24 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I see w3 have gone low quickly.... I have a friend who has won a most offensive joke contest several times. I'll hold his in reserve for now. For now a coup,e of oldies.



Why did the little girl fall off the swing?


She had no arms

.............................................
What do you call a blind deer?

No idea

(Say it out loud)

"..........................................

What do you call a blind legless deer?

Still no idea





"I wish sarcasm was available as a font." John Stuart Mill

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Matte
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posted on 7-12-2016 at 04:39 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
There's several variations of this one out there:


What's the difference between jelly and jam?

I can't jelly my cock down your mom's throat.





"I'm a professional. I know exactly what I'm doing." - Jeff Hardy 2010

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CCharger
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posted on 7-12-2016 at 01:49 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Why is Little Johnny crying?

Because someone stapled a frog to his face.





"I don't watch the show, Paul. Why would I watch the show?"

"I hate it when I'm watching along at home and I'm envisioning certain common sense things, and WWE just leaves all that money on the table to do something that will have no result other than send viewers looking for something else."

-- The Rick

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merc
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posted on 7-12-2016 at 02:25 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I laughed out loud Matte


This guy walks into a bar and says, "Bartender give me six shots of tequila!"

The bartender pours the shots and watches the guy down all six. He says, "Six shots! What's the occasion?"

The guy says, "my very first blowjob!"

The bartender says, "well let me get you another to celebrate"

The guy says, " don't bother, if six doesn't kill the taste a 7th won't help."

ETC spell loud wrong

[Edited on 7-13-2016 by merc]





"I wish sarcasm was available as a font." John Stuart Mill

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OOMike
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posted on 7-12-2016 at 04:14 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
A teenage boy comes into the living room with a big smile, his father notices and asks, "Why the big smile son?" The son replied, "I just had sex for the first time!" The father beamed and said, "Come sit down and tell me about it." The son shook his head, "I can't my ass is too sore."





2017 where Nazis are defended and being against Fascism is a bad thing.

Prejudices are rarely overcome by argument; not being founded in reason they cannot be destroyed by logic – Tryon Edwards

Never let the facts interfere with a good rant.

The only OO columnist that has never written a column.

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williamssl
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posted on 7-12-2016 at 09:32 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Why did the pervert cross the road?


Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.


What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, hanging on a wall?

Art!

No, the drummer from Def Leppard.




Note: Doing a whole series of that joke at the top of your lungs at a Def Leppard concert gets you punched in the face. Learn from my experience and don't try at home. Well , trying at home is fine. Don't try at a Def Leppard concert.





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merc
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posted on 7-13-2016 at 02:17 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I love those no arms & legs jokes! For those that have missed them:


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

Bob

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a doorway?

Matt


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hole?

Phil


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the trunk of a car?

Jack


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs On a grill?

Frank


What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs On a grill?

Patty

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter it won't come.





"I wish sarcasm was available as a font." John Stuart Mill

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OOMike
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posted on 7-13-2016 at 02:52 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen

What do you say to a one legged hitchhiker?
Hop in

What do you call a woman with no arms or legs at the beach?
Sandy

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a field?
second base

ETA: What do you do with a dog with no legs?
Take it for a drag

[Edited on 7-13-2016 by OOMike]





2017 where Nazis are defended and being against Fascism is a bad thing.

Prejudices are rarely overcome by argument; not being founded in reason they cannot be destroyed by logic – Tryon Edwards

Never let the facts interfere with a good rant.

The only OO columnist that has never written a column.

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merc
Man of a Thousand Holds






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posted on 7-15-2016 at 03:34 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Know what 6.9 is?

Another good thing screwed up by a period





"I wish sarcasm was available as a font." John Stuart Mill

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Katie Vick killer
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posted on 7-15-2016 at 10:31 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by merc
I see w3 have gone low quickly.... I have a friend who has won a most offensive joke contest several times. I'll hold his in reserve for now. For now a coup,e of oldies.



Why did the little girl fall off the swing?


She had no arms

.............................................
What do you call a blind deer?

No idea

(Say it out loud)

"..........................................

What do you call a blind legless deer?

Still no idea


What do you call a blind legless deer with no dick?

Still no fucking idea!






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merc
Man of a Thousand Holds






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posted on 1-18-2017 at 02:58 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
OK I'm thinking some of you need a chuckle or two, so I'm reviving this most excellent thread. I'm too lazy to retype this one.

merc has attached this image:
Image could not be shown





"I wish sarcasm was available as a font." John Stuart Mill

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BBMN
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posted on 1-18-2017 at 03:30 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote

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BBMN
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posted on 1-18-2017 at 03:32 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
A Jew, a black man, a Chinese woman, and a Irishman all walk into a bar.

There is no punchline, you racist asshole.





"Put the chicken wings down n come to Jihad bro."

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CCharger
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posted on 1-23-2017 at 03:50 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
What do you call an idiot who spends their days being horrified by gays, ISIS and Mexicans?

"A Fox News Viewer"

..........................................................................................................................................

What do you call a Republican who wants insurance to cover Viagra but not birth control?

Motherfucker

..........................................................................................................................................

Why is the GOP so worried even though they control the House, the Senate, Supreme Court, the White House?

Because now they only have themselves to blame

..........................................................................................................................................

What does GOP stand for?

Grab Our Pussy

..........................................................................................................................................

What the difference between a conservative and the rear end of a horse?

I don't know

..........................................................................................................................................

Why was the delegation from the Dallas Dyslexic Republican Association turned away from the Republican National Convention?

Their placard read: 'We love Taxes'.

..........................................................................................................................................

A conservative found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter".

So the genie made him a liberal.





"I don't watch the show, Paul. Why would I watch the show?"

"I hate it when I'm watching along at home and I'm envisioning certain common sense things, and WWE just leaves all that money on the table to do something that will have no result other than send viewers looking for something else."

-- The Rick

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tat2djunk
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posted on 1-23-2017 at 07:39 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
What is something 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.

What do you get when you set a baby on fire?
An erection.

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Pick him up and suck his dick.

How can you tell that your roommate is gay?
His cock tastes like ass.

How do you make a little boy cry twice?
Wipe the blood off your dick with his teddy bear.

What's red and orange and looks good on a hippy?
Fire.

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merc
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posted on 1-24-2017 at 01:45 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I laughed at GOP and 9 out of 10.

CC too much political, kinda like water. Needed but too much will drown you.

Tat, I play in a golf tourney where mulligans are given for the 10 most tasteless jokes. I think I'll get a few. Thx





"I wish sarcasm was available as a font." John Stuart Mill

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williamssl
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posted on 1-24-2017 at 04:56 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by CCharger
What do you call an idiot who spends their days being horrified by gays, ISIS and Mexicans?

"A Fox News Viewer"

..........................................................................................................................................

What do you call a Republican who wants insurance to cover Viagra but not birth control?

Motherfucker

..........................................................................................................................................

Why is the GOP so worried even though they control the House, the Senate, Supreme Court, the White House?

Because now they only have themselves to blame

..........................................................................................................................................

What does GOP stand for?

Grab Our Pussy

..........................................................................................................................................

What the difference between a conservative and the rear end of a horse?

I don't know

..........................................................................................................................................

Why was the delegation from the Dallas Dyslexic Republican Association turned away from the Republican National Convention?

Their placard read: 'We love Taxes'.

..........................................................................................................................................

A conservative found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter".

So the genie made him a liberal.




This thread is called best (worst?), and the whole thread's quota of worst just got used up in one post. Careful with what you post next, folks. it may just break the bOOards.





Don't Mess With Texas

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CCharger
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posted on 1-24-2017 at 03:31 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Awww...did williamssl get his fee-fees hurt?

I didn't think conservatives could get triggered, snowflake?





"I don't watch the show, Paul. Why would I watch the show?"

"I hate it when I'm watching along at home and I'm envisioning certain common sense things, and WWE just leaves all that money on the table to do something that will have no result other than send viewers looking for something else."

-- The Rick

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williamssl
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posted on 1-24-2017 at 03:46 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
No - they were just really stupid jokes. Really stupid. I'll give you the GOP one though.





Don't Mess With Texas

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CCharger
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posted on 1-24-2017 at 03:50 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by williamssl
I'll give you the GOP one though.


You would.





"I don't watch the show, Paul. Why would I watch the show?"

"I hate it when I'm watching along at home and I'm envisioning certain common sense things, and WWE just leaves all that money on the table to do something that will have no result other than send viewers looking for something else."

-- The Rick

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Matte
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posted on 1-24-2017 at 08:43 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by CCharger
Awww...did williamssl get his fee-fees hurt?

I didn't think conservatives could get triggered, snowflake?

Are you 12?



On a somewhat related note: I have a friend who is difficult to even watch TV with because she will jump on anything even slightly political, even a Family Guy joke. I told her it's difficult to watch things with her because she's so easily triggered. Her response was "Triggered? I ain't no liberal!" So there actually are some people who actually think being triggered is a strictly liberal thing, which is kind of hilarious.





"I'm a professional. I know exactly what I'm doing." - Jeff Hardy 2010

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williamssl
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posted on 1-24-2017 at 09:04 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
ox·y·mo·ron
ˌäksəˈmôrˌän
noun
a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction


Example:
quote:
Originally posted by Matte
even a Family Guy joke.






Don't Mess With Texas

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