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Author: Subject: OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (12/14) Live! From Deadman's Harbour, Newfoundland

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posted on 12-8-2011 at 01:09 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (12/14) Live! From Deadman's Harbour, Newfoundland

<GM Selena is sitting in the back clearly agitated, Chuckles the Clown is there as well>

GMS: Dang it! There is too much WRESTLING! I want VIOLENCE! I want BLOOD!

Chuckles: Juh?

GMS: Yeah, I know we have the Saints of Sinners and the Darlings, but I need more

Chuckles: Juh Juh

GMS: THAT IS A GREAT IDEA! A Weapons Battle Royal!

Chuckles: Juh?

GMS: And YOU are going to be in it too!

Chuckles: JUH? JUH? JUH?

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Deadman's Harbour, Newfoundland

OOWF Onslaught Championship Best of Three Series Match 1
JP Sparxx vs. Psykle

OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match
The Flyin Hawaiians & Alexander Darling vs. Texpress & Outback Jack

GM Selena's Clockwork Orange Weapons Battle Royal
Entrants: Moosehead Jack, Ghosthead, Davin Moreland, Ricky Soaring Eagle, Comrade Sharkoff, Justin Sane, Steve the Lost Viking & Chuckles

Stan Fulton, Matt Folz & Chris Evans vs. LD WIlliams, El Lobo Sangriento & Stank
Alexis Darling vs. Ecosystem
Firewoman & Rabbit Mask vs. Attitude Adjuster & Eric O'Mac

card subject to nor'easter

[Edited on 12-8-2011 by mooseheadjack]

[Edited on 12-8-2011 by mooseheadjack]

My personal fuck-off list: 1. Tony Romo 2. Eli Manning 3. The New York Yankees 4. LeBron James 5. Kobe Bryant 6. SEC Fans 7. The SEC 8. the Political Right 9. religion 10. Almost everything the WWE does

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Man of a Thousand Holds

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posted on 12-8-2011 at 03:19 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
*Davin's wandering by the GM's office and spots the lineup on the door. He skims through it until he gets to, "GM Selena's Clockwork Orange Weapons Battle Royal"*

DM: Moosehead Jack. Davin Moreland. With weapons. And 6 poor people who will be forever known as "Collateral Damage", after next Wednesday. Oh Selena, I think Toys R' Us and Disney are on lines 1 and 2 regarding their advertizing agreements...

*He walks away to think of more cool things to say, and fade*

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The Rowdy One

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posted on 12-8-2011 at 02:54 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Firewoman slams into the Darling Suites, where neither Alexander nor Alexis appear to be in good moods either.

AD: What's your problem?

FW: I honestly don't know why I bother anymore. After an insanely long discussion with Selena, she refuses to put me in the battle royale. Rabbit and I get to curtain jerk with Eric and AA.

AD: Ah...well--

FW: Well nothing. I just can't...I dunno....hit my stride again....I don't even know why I'm here.

AD: Not this again--

FW: This always, Alex. I haven't said it in a while, because I know it bothers you, but with only a few exceptions, this year has been .... it just shouldn't have been.

AD: I don't have time for this.

Alex walks into their room.

LD: Fire...ignore know how he is when he loses, especially to Moose.

FW: Yeah.

LD: When's the last time you did anything in your altar room? We keep moving the boxes, but I don't think you've ever unpacked them.

FW: Why bother. Doesn't do any good anyway.

LD: But--

FW: I know you're trying to help, but just stop, okay? I'll be in *she looks toward her room and then changes her mind* I'll be in my office I guess. I'll be back later.

Firewoman leaves.

resident sorceress and necromancer in training.

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posted on 12-8-2011 at 05:18 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
FADE in on the ‘New Guard Luxury Suites’ located at Lumsden Academy, an elementary school, the only building of any sort which could conceivably hold an OOWF event and is somewhere near Deadman's Bay, Newfoundland.

OOWF World Heavyweight Champion The Crusher Stan Fulton: “I can't believe we're working in this shithole.”


FADE back in on the same suite. The New Guard is having a meeting. Present are OOWF World Tag Team Champions and two-thirds of the OOWF Campeonas de Trios Champions The Flyin’ Hawaiians (Kai & Aina), OOWF Onslaught Champion J-P Sparxx, OOWF Intercontinental Champion Chris Evans, OOWF World Heavyweight Champion The Crusher Stan Fulton and Matt Folz. The assorted managers/attachés/hangers-on are there as well.

JPS: “I say we slap the taste outta they mouths.”

CE: “They have been running their mouths about us.”

SF: “Let them. The more they complain about us, the more they mention us in their promos, the more important and powerful we become. We’re not Saints of Sinners. We’re not going to go around and bloody everyone backstage. We’re above that. No initiating backstage attacks, but defend yourselves when necessary.

“We’re going to prove our dominance in the ring. Speaking of which I have the run down for this Wednesday’s Midweek Mayhem. Kai, Aina? You’re teaming with Alexander Darling against Texpress and Outback Jack for the Trios titles.”

A: “My brah and I will be happy to put a beating on Texpress again.”

K: “We will layeth the smackdown on those Texas rednecks and that Austrian jabroni.”

MF: “He’s Austrailian”

A: “Let it go. He’s on a roll.”

K: “The Kai and his brah are the most electrifying team in Sports Entertainment! When we team with...”

A: “Alexander Darl...”

K: “It doesn’t matter what his name is! We’ll take their monkey asses down to the corner of Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive and check the Texpress and Outback Jack into the Smackdown Hotel!”

Noelani: “Well said.”

SF: “Agreed. Moving on. J-P, you face Psykle in a best of three title match.”

Jewel: “My man ain’t scared of no giant crazy biker.”

JPS: “Ain’t gonna need no third match. I’m gonna take his punk ass out in two. Dude can’t follow Onslaught rules anyway. KnowwhatI’msayin’?”

SF: “Matt, Chris and myself face LD, Lobo and Stank.”

CE: “We clearly have the advantage in this one. Matt matches up well with LD, Stan and Stank are even and I clearly outrate Lobo.”

SF: “First, don’t underestimate Lobo. He’s been Onslaught champion, IC champion and if he can hang with Drink & Destroy he’s every bit as dangerous as Jack and Danny.

“Second, Stank and I aren’t even. I’m not recovering from knee surgery; I’m not suffering from many years of brutal beatdowns. He may have the experience edge and the title cred edge, but we’re not even.”

“Other than that, we can watch the bloodshed in a weapons battle royal and Eco beating on Alexis.”

MF: “Do we help with that bloodshed?”

SF: “I’m leaning towards no. Selena’s been very kind to us as she’s letting these Establishment types work each other over. Our mandate to make everyone earn their title shot instead of being given one just because they’ve had them before is going well. It appears Selena’s on board with that.”

CE: “We’ll continue to encourage our fans to flood the Board’s email address with support for our cause.”

JPS: “Matty Lice needs to get some gold.”

MF: “Don’t call me that. I say Kai and Aina drop that ol’ Darling dude and I’ll be their Campeonas partner.”

SF: “I’ll run that by Selena. In the meantime, go back and get the DDT title for now. Psykle could use a softening up before his Onslaught match. The DDT title is the only reason for a backstage attack.

“Kai, Aina. I think down the road I’d like a shot at those tag team titles. Perhaps Matt and I could...”

A: “Say no more. We’re fighting champs. When you’re ready, we’re here.”

K: “The Kai knows the New Guard has earned every shot they want. But The Kai will still kick your roody poo candy ass.”

SF: “My Grand Slam Championship is all but assured.”

Noelani: “Lapuwale.”

SF: “Pa'a ka waha.”

A: “Hey, Brah. Don’t be talkin’ like that to Lani.”

SF: “Didn’t think I learned a bit of Hawaiian?”

K: “The Kai finds this amusing.”

SF: “We’re done here. We’ve got a film room set up next door and Martha has managed to find us a gym for training. We’ll have one more run through next week.”

The New Guard all get up and go their separate ways as we FADE.

"There's an old saying lad. What doesn't kill you… usually succeeds on the second attempt." - Eugene Krabs, Spongebob Squarepants

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The Rowdy One

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posted on 12-8-2011 at 10:42 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
WARNING: Fast-forwarding storyline advancement--words ahead.

<There is a knock on the door of Firewoman's office, as Fire sits at her laptop>

Fire: Come in?

<Mai Muyo enters>

Mai: Hi, this is probably a bad time, and I know it's probably a bad time, but I couldn't really think of a good time, and so I figured I'd take this time, and hello.

Fire: Mai....what is it? Contract stuff? I have your old paperwork here, you were on an engagement-by-engagement contract, we could look at it again if you feel you're up to--

Mai: I need to talk to you about my brother.

<Fire stiffens>

Mai: Right, so, bad time, got it. But like, it's not so much about my brother as it is about your brother. Kinda. Maybe. Your office is so pretty!

Fire: Focus, please.

Mai: Right. So, I found out Junichiro has been taking meds. Or rather, he went back on the meds the doctors were prescribing him.

Fire: ...I have nothing on his medical records. What does he take?

Mai: You wouldn't know the drug.

Fire: Try me.

Mai: Complixidor. It's not available in the states yet, on trial in Japan.

Fire: ...okay, so what does that do?

Mai: The simplest explanation is that it induces passivity. That's really an's almost like being suggestible, but it's not like hypnosis or anything. Just basically, you lower your own guard and resistance when it comes to following direction or helping others...I guess it would apply to other stuff too...

Fire: Why...why would you take that?

Mai: So like, the way the doctor explained it to me, if you have really awful thoughts, or violent tendencies, or whatever, and you don't really know the root problem to deal with, you can take a couple of these a day, and like, you'll still have the thoughts, but you just won't feel them as strongly versus the demands and requests of others.

Fire: Sen--Juni is even more of a violent fuck now.

Mai: Well, he's listening to your brother.

Fire: Okay. So he's still violent. Why is he taking it?

Mai: So I had a theory. The theory was that after my brother assaulted me the second time, basically on impulse when I stopped him from attacking someone, he realized that his impulses still needed to be controlled. So he went back on the meds. At this point, he aligns with Moosehead Jack, somewhat due to passivity but somewhat due to the fact that he knows that even Moose is not as sick, as completely destructive as his base impulses, and just attacking people under Moose's direction would be a more healthy way to channel his sadism.

Fire: This is what happened?

Mai: This is what I thought, and this is what I still mostly think. But I'm guessing. And I also realize this is a comforting narrative, because it makes him attacking me the motivation to pull himself back.

Fire: ...Do you have an alternate theory?

Mai: Well, I didn't, but then I watched him with you. And even though I'm sure he does enjoy fucking with you a bit--though there is some care deep down, which I'm not sure I can explain--

Fire: Please don't.

Mai: --like, I think there may be something to what he's saying. Let's say he's "controlling Moose." What would that mean? He's the one drugging himself. But then again, look at your brother's situation since Eco accepted his offer of alignment. Your family--the in-laws, at least--hate him. The New Guard hates him, more than the Darlings. His old friends are ready to tear his throat out if necessary. By being Moose's lackey, Eco has alienated Moose more than "He" ever did, pushed him further and further toward the precipice.

Fire: ...You think this is what's happening?

Mai: This is the alternate theory. I don't know. Both theories have evidence for and against, and I don't have a cohesive narrative. Fire, who is He?

Fire: Who?

Mai: Him. With the big capital letter.

Fire: ...Look, I will handle my brother as he needs to be handled. You don't need to dig into this.

<Mai sighs>

Mai: Look, I'm sick of this bullshit-pride-go-it-alone-shit that wrestlers always do from time-to-time. Both our brothers have problems. We are better at dealing with some kinds of problems than others, not always the precise ones we are faced with. And no matter which of my stupid theories is right, if either, both Junichiro and Jack are threats to others, but real dangers to themselves. I'd prefer to figure out what's going on before my brother steps into the ring with your sister-in-law this week.

But if you would rather take things at the pace personally set by Lisa Motherfucking Darling, that's fine. I'll just go have a chat with your asshole husband.

Fire: Mai--

<Mai throws a fireball from her hands, catching Fire's eye. It disintegrates before Fire's face--flash paper--but when Fire looks up, Mai is gone>


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Creepy Little Bastard

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posted on 12-8-2011 at 11:00 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Ricky Soaring Eagle is outside the arena, leaning on an outside wall just a few feet from the loading docks where the crew is unloading the trucks in preparation for this week’s show. The same backstage reporter approaches him from behind. She gets about 2 feet from him when he speaks, without turning around

“Sneaking up on me is not very smart.”

“I…. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to. Wow, you sensed I was coming? Was it like an instinctive thing where you sensed I was there? Something you inherited from your ancestors?

“Don’t be stupid. I could see your shadow on the ground. “

“Oh. Listen anyway, You know you’re involved in some sort of Weapons Match this week.”


“So.. what weapon are you bringing?”

“I have not decided. More than likely It will be whatever I can find on my way to the ring.”

“Oh. I thought you might have something specific in mind…… like a tire iron”

Ricky spins around and faces her, eyes ablaze.

“Why would you think that?”

“Well, I’ve been doing some research, trying to learn more about you. You wrestled in Reno for just a few days, then a week later turned up in Portland. I was wondering….”

In a flash, Ricky has her pinned against the wall. He grabs her by the head and clamps his hand across her mouth. She attempts to scream, but only muffled grunts can be heard. He speaks in a harsh forced whisper

“If you ever speak of that place again, I will fucking kill you. You GOT THAT? There is NOTHING good you can find digging into my past! Unless you have a death wish, LEAVE IT ALONE!”

He releases her and storms in the loading area, crew members scatter as he tears through, tossing crates and poles out of his way. A couple of the crew members scramble out to check on the poor backstage reporter as we fade to black

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The Rowdy One

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posted on 12-9-2011 at 10:20 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
It's a Wonderful Miracle on OOWF Street Carol

Firewoman is slumped on the sofa in the main room of the Darling Luxury Suites late at night after everyone else has gone to bed, trying to cure her insomnia with television. She flips between a variety of Christmas specials, settles on one, and slowly her eyes start to close...the hand with the remote goes limp, and then finally......she appears to be actually asleep.

Suddenly, she awakens with a start as she senses a presence in the room. She sits straight up and looks at the figure in front of her, rubs her eyes, blinking, but still can't believe what she's seeing.

FW: What the fuck are you doing here?

Spin Freakin' Hansen: I'm here to help you, Fire.


SFH: Dead? Yeah, I know.

FW: But how--

SFH: did you do all those appearances you did when you were dead, but not really?

FW: Probably because I should have been.

SFH: And that brings me to the why I'm here, before you ask. You've been obsessing over the fact that Ecosystem had your resuscitated, despite your wishes otherwise, and that you've been living on stolen time since then.

FW: Your point?

SFH: My point is, this isn't true. So I'm here to show you that.

FW: *Sarcastically* Do you get your wings if you do?

SFH: Actually, yeah, I do!

FW: Great....

SFH: So yeah, my job is to convince you that the world is not better off without Firewoman in it.

FW: Seriously...that's a movie.

SFH: I know, but it's based on a true story. Clarence is my boss now. ready?

FW: No, this is stupid.

SFH: C'mon take the corner of my sleeve....we need to visit Firewoman's past.

FW: Ugh, do we have to?

SFH: That's how it goes...past, present, future....

FW: That's a different movie, Spin.

SFH: Grab my hockey jersey sleeve and quit complaining. This is the past if Firewoman hadn't been there.

FW: Fine.

Firewoman grabs onto Spin's coat, and the screen gets all wavy. They end up in an old run-down house outside of Detroit. It looks a lot like the one Fire burned down a few years ago, and that's because it is.

FW: Well, this sucks.

SFH: This is what your house would be like if you were never even born. Let's look in the window.

FW: Are you kidding? You do that in this neighborhood and you get shot.

SFH: They can't see us, Fire. But fine if you insist.

Fire and Spin materialize inside the living room. The house is not fancy by any means, and the furnishings are drab and obviously worn. A much younger Sean Quinn is sitting on the sofa reading the paper, smoking a pipe, wearing work pants and just a sleeveless tank top undershirt. Rose Quinn comes in from the kitchen, wearing a calico print dress and an apron.

RQ: You want another beer, dear?

SQ: Naw, one's my limit. Where's that boy of mine?

An eleven year old red headed boy comes in from the other room, reading a book.

SQ: Ah, there you are. John, me boy...what would you be havin' for Christmas then.

JQ: Oh, you know, father, we've got plenty.

SQ: Now, now, me boy, that we do, that we do...but still, there must be something you'd be wanting?

JQ: Well...if it isn't too much, my old coat is fine, but I think I'd really like a Detroit Lions Starter jacket.

RQ: Your old coat is not fine, the sleeves are up to yer elbows.

JQ: I know, but it still keeps me warm, and those jackets are so expensive.

SQ: Well, now, we'll just see what Santa has to say about it then.

JQ: Aw, pops, I'm too old for Santa.

SQ: You're never too old for Santa, sonny-boy. Now run along. Get your homework done before dinner.

JQ: Sure thing pops. I'll need to get an A on that test to keep my GPA for college.

John Quinn bounds out of the room. Fire looks at Spin with her mouth open. Rose sits down in a chair next to Sean.

RQ: That boy...already thinking college, and he's not even in high school yet. *sigh* Think we can afford it?

SQ: Oh sure...I'm saving a little piece of me paycheck every week. And with his brains, he could get a scholarship.

RQ: I suppose you're right......Sean......

SQ: Yes, love?

RQ: Are you ever sorry, we didn't have more children?

SQ: Ah, sometimes, Rosie...a little girl with your eyes....but then...we have plenty to eat, a roof over our heads, and a wonderful son as it is. Another child might have been too much to handle.

RQ: I suppose you're right....

At that moment a buzzer goes off in the kitchen, and Rose goes to tend to dinner, and Sean goes back to the paper. Cut to the outside, as Fire and Spin materialize there, and Fire glares at Spin.

FW: Well, that's fantastic. My brother...hell, my whole family's life would have been awesome had I never been born. Way to go, Spin.

SFH: Well, uh....I'm sure that.....maybe that was some other vision for some other family?

FW: Uh huh.....take me back to the OOWF, now, and I'll think about not jumping off a building.

SFH: No...uh, not yet. We have to see what would have happened in the present.

FW: Aren't I supposed to get a different ghost for this?

SFH: Budget cuts, okay? Let's go.

Firewoman grabs the sleeve of his hockey jersey and they disappear.

ooc: PLEASE promo in between these, to break them up a bit. And to give me something to read at work tonight.

[Edited on 12-10-2011 by firewoman]

resident sorceress and necromancer in training.

[DevSop] god your sex life scares me

MHJ: "if it is kinky, depraved, erotic, or a fetish, you will find it"

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outback jack
The Great One

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posted on 12-10-2011 at 02:33 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
*Scheme Gene catches up with Outback Jack, but it appears that Jack of the Hinterlands has taken over*

SG: Jack, at Mayhem you will be teaming with....

JH: Scheme Gene, it doesn't matter with whom I am matched up!

SG: With whom?

*JH hits The Chomp on Scheme Gene! Scheme Gene is dead!*

JH: We teamed up with LD a long time ago to take care of this problem. LD was once was lost but now is found, kicking ass and taking names, but now we have to step up and get the job done!

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Blown Spot
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posted on 12-10-2011 at 02:55 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
*Stank and LD Williams are in Williams's Landrover on their way to the next venue. LD is driving while Stank sits in the passenger seat looking at his phone. He reads the display and laughs. He then turns the phone on it's side and begins typing in a message.*

LDW - Who you texting?

Stank - Davin. *laughs, not a Batista laugh, but a genuine laugh.*

LDW - You two have become quite chummy.

Stank - We've reached a mutual understanding is all. *Laughs*

LDW - What's so damn funny?

*Stank holds his phone up showing LD Williams the text that Davin sent. LD Looks at the phone, then looks up at the road, then back to the phone. After he finishes reading he smiles and lets out a little laugh.*

LDW - You two should be nice to Stan.

Stank - Why? Because he's so nice to us? The only thing our World Champ and I can agree on lately is that we are not even. No we're not even. I'm taller. I'm stronger. I'm better than ever. I won the World Championship on a fucked up knee. Now I'm all better. Imagine what I can do without that constant pain nagging me.

LDW - Certainly hasn't made you any more modest.

Stank - Modest? Have you met me? Stan should fall down on his knees and thank whatever god he believes in that I can't take that title from him anytime soon. I've won every match I've been in since I've been back. I didn't win them by being modest.

LDW - Well we got the New Guard at Mayhem. Chris, Stan, and Matt.

Stank - Yeah. Not exactly what I asked Selena for, but it will do for now.

LDW - You know who she put on our team, right?

Stank -

LDW - Lucas?

Stank -

LDW - What's the matter?

Stank - El Lobo.

LDW - What... He's good.

Stank - Yeah he's good. My Onslaught reign was a lot shorter than I would have liked because of him. He has a debt to repay.

LDW - Oh God, don't tell me you're thinking of collecting any time soon.

Stank - Don't worry. I'm not jeopardizing our match. My brother is actually the issue.

LDW - Oh... what's the deal with that?

Stank - Jared and Lobo?

LDW - Yeah.

Stank - I don't really know all the details. While Jared was wrestling in AAA he and Lobo had a feud. Jared lost, got injured, went through a dark period that I'd prefer not to get into. You know some of it, anyway.

LDW - I thought he got better?

Stank - He did. Started focusing on his son more. I had no idea about Shannon until earlier this year. When I found out about that, he and Shannon had been separated for awhile. I Didn't find out they got back together until they met up with us in Japan months back. I didn't know it would lead to him getting back into the business. Something happened to him while he was in Japan that he hasn't talked to me about. This whole Ghosthead thing... that gimmick was born out of a lot pain. The Great Nutcase or Muta as you might know him, enabled Jared's dark tendencies. I'd hoped he was done with all that nonsense but he seems to have embraced it further.

LDW - Shannon hasn't said anything?

Stank - I think she's just trying to hang on. It wasn't that long ago she and Jared had reconnected, but no, she hasn't volunteered any details and to tell you the truth I ain't prying. I want to, but I got to let him work through whatever for himself. As you know, he and I haven't always been... friendly. The fact that he is talking to me, however sporadic, is a good thing. I want to keep things friendly. I'll let him come talk to me about Japan when he's ready.... but for now, I'm hoping he doesn't intefere in our match.

LDW - Brother or not, if he does...

Stank - I understand. I'll tear him a new one myself.

*Stank's phone vibrates with another message. Stank looks at it and laughs his ass off as the camera fades.*

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posted on 12-10-2011 at 02:55 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
We’re backstage at the arena, and Psykle is sitting in a locker room, watching some video on Sparxx as well as previous matches he’s had with him, studying for the best of three matches for the Onslaught Title starting at Mayhem this week. Stevie Richards walks in carrying some papers.

Stevie: Hey! Did you hear?

Psykle: Yup. I got my matches for the Onslaught Title. Best of Three series with Sparxx. If we wind up with a time-limit draw in one match and we need another match added, we go to a no-time-limit match at the Pay-Per-View. That’s why I’m watching these tapes. Sparxx handed me my first loss when I came to the OOWF, we’ve faced each other numerous times since then, always surrounding the Onslaught Title. It’s time for me to take that belt. It’s shocking that he thinks I can’t follow Onslaught rules, though. I’ve been wrestling almost exclusively in the Onslaught division for most of my time in the OOWF. He’s the one who’s been walking around in the back attacking people without provocation, interfering in matches to get wins for his New Guard buddies, not standing by the honor that the Onslaught Division is supposed to represent.

Stevie: Right, but that’s not what I was talking about…

Psykle: Oh, you mean the fact that Sparxx can’t even be bothered to really show up lately? That the only time we’ve heard anything from him has been one or two lines when the other New Guard members are doing their promos? Not really a good way for a champion to be representing a company, then again, the New Guard has always been very infrequent with their appearances on OOWFTv.

Stevie: No, not that either.

Psykle: What then? That the company is letting me keep the trailers after all since IQ had already dumped all the money into them and paid the arenas for their power consumption for the next few months?

Stevie: Well, yes that’s true, and they are all set up now and ready for you to go train in.

Psykle: Fine. I do need to do some more training, but I’m keeping this locker room. I know IQ is still in the hospital in bad shape and unable to do things, but I still don’t trust that he won’t find a way to interfere with the OOWFTv broadcasts to the trailers and keep me from the truth.

Stevie: OK, that’s fine too, but no, I was talking about the sales of your new t-shirt!

Stevie pulls one of Psykle’s new black t-shirt’s with the red bold letters on it out of a locker and holds it up to the camera showing the logo.

Old Guard, New Guard…
It Doesn’t Matter.
I’m the Right Guard.

Stevie: It’s the number one seller on this past week!

Psykle: You do realize that Right Guard is a deodorant, right?

Stevie: Duh! I’m trying to get you an endorsement deal here too!

Psykle: Hogan already did that.

Stevie: Yea, like 20 years ago…it’s time for a new one.

Psykle: I prefer Axe anyway.

Stevie: You’ll change, Right Guard has some new fragra...

Psykle: Hey, you know, I saw Justin Sane walking around with his DDT IRON MAN Heavy Metal Title a few minutes ago…

Stevie’s eyes glass over and Psykle takes the opportunity to push him out into the hallway.

Psykle: Maybe if he becomes Iron-Stevie again he’ll be too busy to bother me.

Fade to Black.

I don't believe in signatures.

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posted on 12-10-2011 at 08:57 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Weapons in a match? I like that very much. THis is what I have been wanting. Comrade Sharkoff will win this battle. The Russian Sickle will cut down all of my opponents. Then it is on to you Fulton Crusher. Then it is on to glory for Mother Russia!

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posted on 12-10-2011 at 10:23 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
~~~ At the OOWF Interview Location, yet another Randomly Numbered Sexy Female Journalist stands holding a microphone. ~~~

RNSFJ: My guests at this time, will be teaming together for the first time to take on the Campeonas De Trios Champions this week on MidWeek Mayhem, Ladies and Gentlemen, Outback Jack & The Texpress!

~~~ Jack, Chad & Zane enter the screen from opposite sides. ~~~

RNSFJ: Let's start with you Jack. How will it be teaming up without Danny Taylor yet again?

OBJ: Well, I tell ya, It's been a long couple of weeks for Drink & Destroy. Some have speculated that this could be the end. But One thing is for sure, there will always be a Drink & Destroy as long as I have any fight in me!

Chad: If there's anyone who knows what Outback Jack brings to the table it's Texpress. We've fought each other tooth and nail on too many occasions. What we as a 3-man unit might lack in experience, we definitely make up in familiarity.

RNSFJ: So what about your opponents?

Zane: We owe Kai and Aina a receipt for their ridiculous actions. Alexander thinks he has struck a truce with the New Guard, but I warn you man, sooner than you think you'll be a target as well.

RNSFJ: So on Wednesday...?

~~~ Chad & Zane open up bottles of Aquafina, and Jack pops a Fosters. They all chug and simultaneously toss aside the drinks... then a Three-Way


RSNFJ: (disgusted) What was that?

Chad: Texan for "They'll be in for a fight"

OBJ: And Aussie for "It won't be Pretty"

[Edited on 12/11/11 by TexShark300]

[Edited on 12/11/11 by TexShark300]

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posted on 12-11-2011 at 01:10 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
It's a Wonderful Miracle on OOWF Street Carol pt. 2

The scene fades back in and Spin and Fire are standing in an empty OOWF arena. The arena is decorated with black balloons and streamers.

FW: You know, I do remember this now.

SFH: The arena?

FW: No, the beaming in and beaming out. I wish I could still do it. It'd be so much more ecological.

SFH: Uh huh.

FW: So where are we? And if I had never been born, why would I be here?

SFH: We're mixing things up a bit. You say that you should have died a year ago, right?

FW: Stayed dead. I mean...I did, right?

SFH: Oh yeah! All the wrestlers knew. Eddie was going to organize your welcome and then....

FW: Yeah, we know what happened.

SFH: Well, here's what would have happened know.

FW: If it's a year ago, wouldn't that still be the past?

SFH: You and your continuity issues....

As Fire looks around her a bit, she sees that the date is actually the Wednesday after the New Year's Evil PPV, where she made her return, except now didn't. It is all set for what would have been her memorial show. There are several large pictures of her around the arena. The crew is attempting to get her music synced up right to a retrospectives video package. Alexander Darling is walking around, supervising, looking very sad. GMtheRick comes up to him.

GMtR: You ready for this.

AD: No. But.....I guess it has to be done.

GMtR: It does. Everything set?

AD: Looks like it. I wish it were time already, I just want to get this over with.

Time shifts and the arena has filled. The crowd murmurs but is mostly somber. Finally, the wrestlers all assemble on the entrance ramp and stage, the crowd falls to a hush, and they ring ten bells. As the tenth one fades away the wrestlers slowly walk to the back, heads bowed, certainly choked with emotion at having to say good bye to one of their own. GMtheRick takes the stage.

GMtR: It's always hard to say good bye to a friend and colleague. In the ring and to entertain you fans, we put on a show of being enemies, combatants...but we really are a special family to one another. We never like to do these, but especially when it's one so young and full of promise. So, these matches tonight, are in honor of her...Lisa Quinn Darling...our Firewoman. She was the first woman ever in our company, and she'll not be remembered just for that, but also for being the first woman to hold all three singles championships. She was passionate about her craft, and made it look like an art form. She was one of a kind, and tonight we celebrate her.

FW: So...what happened at the PPV.

SFH: Pretty much the same thing that happened before. Alex had Tytan beat, Davin turned on him and he lost. When he got up, he saw Eco come back to life, but instead of bringing you out with him, he came down alone, embraced Tytan and--

FW: Tytan destroyed Alex. So it wouldn't have mattered.

SFH: Will you just watch? *Looking skyward* I forgot how damn stubborn she is......I mean DARNED. Sorry....

The matches go on, and interspersed in each and every one of them are statements from some of the wrestlers. Firewoman and Spin stand and watch as in each match, one wrestler uses one of Firewoman's moves in tribute.

Poe: *appearing via satellite* The wrestling world has lost another soul too soon. Lisa Quinn. Firewoman. With the face of an angel, the heart of a devil, and the will of a child. It was always such a shame to see a woman so strong and so talented, yet so weak, and now, so very gone. I do not feel pity for your loss. I feel great pity for those who dared to love you and are now reeling from your loss. May you finally find peace. Lioness. Namaste.

FW: Weak? What the hell! Gods he always was so pompous.

SFH: Now Fire....


Stank: It has been said that life is eternal; love is immortal; and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing but the limit of our sight. Firewo- Lisa... we will see you again beyond the horizon because it is a path that we all must travel. *tears* I promise I'll continue our morning jogs and maybe, just maybe... you'll come back and jog with me... except don't... that would be creepy. Don't haunt me, woman.


LDW: This business we work in, this lifestyle we have chosen, is transient. Today's friends become tomorrow's enemies, and today's rivals are tomorrow's allies. Finding a kindred spirit, a true friend, is rare - and that is why I valued Fire. I don't claim to have known her well. She wasn't my best friend and I wasn't her confidant - something I will forever regret - but I'm glad we had the time we did. There will be a reckoning for what happened to Fire, but this is neither the time or the place. Tonight we remember the life and mourn the loss of Firewoman...she was my friend, my teammate, and my sister in everything but blood, and I will miss her.

FW: You know, he was the one that took Tytan out. He said he would, and he did.

After the next match, we see Dynamite Danny Taylor and Dashing Victor Deniro standing in front of an OOWF banner. Danny looks rather somber, but Victor just looks like he wants to be anywhere else.

DVD: Do we really have to do this Danny?

Danny nods his head yes.

DVD: Fine, but I got to say giving a eulogy for a broad who tried to kick my head off is not really a priority.

Danny gives him a stern look, frowns, and grips over his heart.

DVD: Don't get me wrong, what happened is a tragedy, but look at all the trouble she caused with the Five, and all the people she causes conflict with, it's kinda Karma when you think about it.

Danny glares harder, and motions towards the camera.

DVD: (shrugging his shoulders) What do you want me to do lie? I didn't care much for her, but I did not want to see this happen to her. In the end, she reaped what she sowed.

With that Vic walks off screen. Danny turns towards the camera a look of sadness on his face. He lowers his head solemnly and pauses briefly before walking off as well.

SFH: Um, well--

FW: No, Victor's right...this is really great stuff, Spin.

SFH: Will you just listen?

After the next match, Chad Madison and Zane Myers appear at the podium

Chad: (adjusting his mask) It's hard to believe this is real. My relationship with Lisa has been a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs. When I think of her, the good will always outweigh the bad. I...

Chad turns and just walks away. Zane steps up to speak.

Zane: I was never a fan of Firewoman. She had this grip on my partner that I could never loosen, even now. Lisa Quinn-Darling, was a tremendous competitor and understood the subtleties that make this business what it is. She, I will truly miss.

There's another match, and then it's time for the last three speakers. The first is via the OOWFTron, Moose sits in the back, alone, with a strange look on his face. For a moment he doesn't look at the camera, when he does, he looks like he has spent several sleepless nights.

MHJ: You know, in this business, you know there are risks. Every night we go to the ring, you know in the back of your mind that something could go wrong. A move could go wrong, you could get dropped on your head, or your neck, or anything. You always know it could happen, but you always assume it will never happen to you or anyone you know.

Moose takes a minute to compose himself, then continues

MHJ: Fire died as she lived. Going all out. She wouldn't have had it any other way. It doesn't make it any easier, but it makes it....right somehow. I...

Moose pauses again and seems to be on the verge of losing it

MHJ: Goodbye sis.

Moose gets up in a hurry and leaves

FW: Wow....he did care.....okay, are we done?

SFH: No...your cousin is next....

Davin and Samantha make their way up to the lectern, with Samantha holding on to Davin's elbow. His face is ashen and it looks like he hasn't slept in a couple of days.

DM: For once, I'm going to try to make it short.

some laughter

DM: I really met Lisa for the first time - and she'd be pissed I called her Lisa, but whatever; that's her fucking name and she's dead, so there's nothing she can do about it...

more laughter

DM: Anyway, met Lisa for the first time when she was 6 years old. She spent a summer with me and my Mom. For those of you who don't already know, her Mom and my Mom are sisters. Anyway, I didn't know all the details. All I know is one night I went to bed, and the next night, there's this little runt snotbag in my kitchen. Which, as you can tell, I wasn't really thrilled with at first. But I remember that she was curious about pretty much everything. It was as if everything she saw, heard and experienced; she was experiencing, hearing and seeing for the first time ever. Which I thought was strange at the time - but I was only 12, I didn't know shit about shit.

Anyway, things were going great until she started setting fire to pretty much everything. I don't know for sure, but I think that's where she got her nickname. Of course, at the time it was Firesquirt, or Firesnot, or something equally as ridiculous. Anyway, my Mom didn't really seem to mind much, and told me not to yell at her about it. Then one day, she was just gone. I found out later her Mom came by and took her, but that wasn't really until many years later. So I just sort of chalked it up to an interesting time, and never really thought about it again.

That is, until I went to Japan. You all know that story by now. I'm over there jobbing to an 8-year old every night. Of course, that meant I had plenty of time on my hands. So one night, I'm watching more "serious" wrestling promotions, and who do I see but Firesnot. Grown up. Worn down by life maybe. But kicking lots of ass. I knew it was her. But I didn't try to contact her, because she'd probably just think I was some sicko. Besides, she had her hands full of being stabbed by Totally Not Her Brother In A Mask. Rumors were that she had some, uh, "associations" with the Yakuza, so she had to get the hell out of Dodge. At that time, I was already here in OOWF.

And when she first got here, I pretended to not know who she was. I didn't want to distract the new kid, you know? She didn't remember me, anyway, she's having a hard enough time getting everyone's name straight and being able to find Ric's by herself. So, she's up against jobbers or nobodies for a while. Looks tremendous, right? Unstoppable. But no one's taking her seriously, because she's beating ring fodder.

So, I did something that most of you know I would never do in any other situation. I went to Rick.


Yes, I swallowed hard, went to Rick, and asked that she be put in a program with me. Rick was a little surprised, but knew I had nothing better to do. He was a little hesitant, of course. He was all "I don't think it's a good idea to bury the new girl already. Fans are starting to like her already." To which I said "Bury? I'm gonna put her over a few times - maybe hotshot her into the top of the midcard." At the time, of course, like I said, she was just a curtain-jerker here. I had just come off being Onslaught Champ, so he seemed surprised at first. But I knew if I did it right, we'd both elevate as a result.

And I did. And she did. And that's why she's one of the most popular wrestlers in the company. *he pauses a moment* Was. Was one of the most popular.

He steps back from the mic for a second. Samantha, holding his elbow throughout the eulogy, seems to hold it a little tighter. Davin clears his throat and continues

You know, every day, pretty much, I saw Lisa around until very recently. And every time I did, I couldn't help but see Firesnot, you know? The sad, dark, angry girl standing in my kitchen. And then, a few weeks later, laughing, smiling...just a regular little girl. I didn't see much laughing or smiling over the last year or so. I saw the sad, dark, angry girl. I just know that if she had come to me....trusted me just a little...I could have helped-

Davin steps back again, and turns away from the lectern. Samantha puts her arm around his waist and whispers something to him. Davin wipes his eyes, which are totally red now, and turns back. He speaks again, his voice cracking the whole time

Lisa lived life on her own terms, and never let anyone tell her what to do. That's an admirable quality. It does potentially lead to a life of solitude, but in her case, maybe it was the best thing. The way she left us was NOT the best thing - and I swear to Christ that I will avenge her death if it's the last thing I do. Even if no one else does, or no one else will. I owe her that much.

Davin pulls a bottle of Jameson's from under the lectern, with a glass, and pours himself some, before putting the rest of the bottle in front of the picture of her on the easel. He returns to the mic and lifts his glass high

Bealtaine an t-ardú de bhóthar chun bualadh leat. Bealtaine an ghaoth a bheith i gcónaí ag do chúl. Féadfaidh an geal ghrian te ar d'aghaidh. Bealtaine thiteann an bháisteach bog ar do réimsí agus go dtí le chéile againn arís na Bealtaine, an Tiarna agat i pailme a láimhe..

He downs what's in the glass

You've done the Sheehan Clan proud. You've done The Tribe proud. May the demons that haunted you here on Earth remain here, so that you finally find peace. Also, make sure you save me a seat, ok? You are loved, Lisa, and you will ALWAYS be missed. Beannacht mo chol ceathrair, agus Dia duit bhfabhar.

With that, Davin turns immediately away and hugs his wife for a minute before they both leave as soon as possible.

Fire stands off with Spin, clearly moved.

FW: I'm.....

SFH: There's one more

A hush comes over the crowd after the main event. Alexander Darling is helped up to the podium by Alexis who stands quietly by his side as Alexander taps the microphone a few times. He starts and stops a few times as he tries to keep his emotions in check while he looks out into the crowd. Alexis gives his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

FW: I don't wanna see this.

SFH: Too bad.

AD: I'm angry. Furious even. At Lisa. At myself. At the people who made this happen. But mostly at myself. I believe I could have stopped this. Lisa....Firewoman is a tough woman to get to know, truly, but I know I was lucky enough to be one of the few who deeply knew her. Knew her better than she knew herself sometimes and yet I stood by while she continues to walk towards the abyss and I didn't see it. So I'm angry. She should still be here telling me to stop being so emo, but the fact is she's not here anymore. And the people who took her from me, they'll suffer but that's not what today is about.

Today is about Lisa Quinn Darling. My wife. My family. Those of us here, we live a dangerous life, but we never expect it to be fatal and yet it continues to be a business that takes the best of us far too soon. I wasn't able to spend my wife's last few minutes and hours with her and that will forever haunt me, but I can't dwell on the what could have beens or what should have beens. I must treasure the moments we did spend together and while we had issues at times....deep down, she was always family and I will always love her.

Firewoman will be missed, but Lisa Darling will always be remembered.

There's polite applause from the crowd, and a "We Love Fire" chant starts up. Alexis can't hold back the tears. Alex blinks a lot, but nods appreciatively, mouthing the words thank you. Suddenly the crowd dies down as Moosehead Jack comes out, glaring at Alex. The tension immediately shoots up to eleven.

MHJ: So....You want to make the ones who did this suffer, huh?

AD: You know I do.

MHJ: You may be good in the ring, but I know more about inflicting pain and suffering than you'll ever know.

AD: Well, there's a scar on your chest that says otherwise.

LD: Guys.

FW: Great...they're gonna kill each other again....

SFH: Wait.

The two stand eye to eye, and the tension cranks up even more. The crowd is kinda booing all over this, as it has the potential to ruin what has been a moving tribute.

AD: You know...There's two of them.

MHJ: And two of us....

AD: It's all she really wanted, all along...

Both men break out into an evil grin. Alexander Darling extends his hand first. After a few moments, Moosehead Jack grasps it, blowing the roof off the arena, before heading to the ring. Davin Moreland appears at the top of the ramp with GMtheRick.

DM: Wait, wait, wait....Now just a minute. I believe the main event is supposed to be me versus Tytan, isn't that right Rick?

GMtR: It is. Are you insisting on us staying with the card as announced?

DM: Well, I am insisting on something.

GMtR: What is that?

DM: All the promotional materials say "Card subject to change," right?

GMtR: Indeed they do.

DM: Well, then I'm insisting on a NEW Main Event: Alexander Darling and Moosehead Jack v. Tytan and Eco in a falls count anywhere street fight no disqualification match lumberjack match!!!

The crowd pops huge. Rick smiles.

GMtR: Sounds good to me. Tytan, Eco, get your asses to the ring. In fact, the match is starting right now. Moose, Alex, I'll try to scare you up a referee, but you know, I'll probably have to take my time doing it, so do what you gotta do.

DM: No worries, Rick. I'll be HAPPY to be the referee.

Rick nods his approval and goes to the back. Davin sprints to the ring. Moose and Alex get half way down the ramp when they see a reluctant Ecosystem and Tytan, being "escorted" by the rest of the locker room. Chad and Zane take one each and toss them in the ring, and the rest of the locker room takes their places around the outside. Moose and Alex follow, Davin calls for the bell and we are ON!

To call this a squash? Well....that would be kind. And as this is long enough already, just use your imagination and then add a lot more blood and violence. Suffice it to say there is lots of pent up rage that gets taken out on Ecosystem and Tytan. Occasionally one of them think about rolling out of the ring, but that only happens once and the men on the outside beat on them as well before rolling them back in. Moose gets Tytan locked into a Ji-Endo while Alex gets Ecosystem in an anaconda vice. Both men tap, but Davin is busily checking the status of his manicure and misses it entirely. Moose and Alex tire of all this and release their holds. Davin plants some very heavy boots to both Tytan and Ecosystem, and then help Alex and Moose stand them up. Each man is teetering, and Moose and Alex hit twin heartpunches! THE MOST DEVASTATING MOVE IN ALL OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING! As the two men are reeling, Davin manages to hit DOUBLE REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTERS! Alex and Moose switch partners as Alex picks up Tytan and Moose picks up Ecosystem...DUELING DARLING DRIVERS! Both men cover for the pin, one...two...THREE! Davin appears to not be interested in calling for the bell here either. Because he's rolled under the ropes and headed under the ring for some international objects. He emerges with trusty rebar, a sledge hammer, and Happy Deth did THAT get there? Moose and Alex are not done, either, and continue to punish both men. Davin rolls into the ring to dole out the weaponry, but they are interrupted as Rick's music hits and he comes down the ramp accompanied by some folks with badges. These are no indy wankers, as Rick calls for the bell, mostly to get everyone's attention. Rick is coming behind them, and they all get into the ring.

GMtR: Gentlemen.....these boys are here to escort Tytan and Ecosystem out of the ring.

Cop#1: Tytan? You are under arrest for the homicide of Lisa Darling. We have a warrant from Christmas Valley, Oregon, for your arrest, and they are waiting at our jail for you to be processed and remanded into their custody.

The crowd pops. Tytan goes insane, as best as he can with being barely conscious, but is tased into submission. Alex nods his head appreciatively, points heavenward, as Moose pats his shoulder.

GMtR: As for you, Juni....*crowd boos*.....I have here a decree from the OOWF Board of Directors. Lucky can fill you in on the legalese, as he's been hired as the Board's legal counsel, but the gist of it are officially OUT of the OOWF.

Eco: What? You can't do that. I own this place!

GMtR: No you don't. Not anymore. It's called a hostile take-over, but it really wasn't a hard sell, due to your recent actions. Officers, please escort Mr. Muyo out of my ring.

The officers oblige to the cheers of all, including most of the wrestlers who have filed out onto the ramp.

GMtR: I'm sorry, Alex, Moose... I hope this didn't ruin what you wanted for the night.

AD: No, Rick. I'm pretty sure this is exactly what Fire would have wanted.

He and Moose shake hands again and the truck monkeys play "Firewoman" by The Cult to fade out of the broadcast. We cut back to Spin and Fire standing there.

FW: Soooooo, he never takes over?


FW: No one gets tortured, Moose and Alex have a truce..... How is this NOT BETTER than what actually happened?

SFH: It just....*Looking skyward* ... what do I say here? ......*Looking back at Fire*....It just is, have to BELIEVE.

FW: I believe this is a waste of my time.

SFH: C'mon, we have another stop.

FW: I'm not going anywhere except home.

SFH: No, we're going to the future. And there ain't a, DARN...thing you can do about it.

Firewoman scowls as she grabs his sleeve, but does kind of smirk when she here's his catchphrase.

FW: I really miss that.

SFH: Alright, enough sappiness, let's go.

[Edited on 12-11-2011 by firewoman]

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[DevSop] god your sex life scares me

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posted on 12-11-2011 at 02:36 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Originally posted by firewoman

After the next match, Phantos and Lucios appear at the podium

Chad: (adjusting his mask)....


I guess I just want to point out that it's not his Phantos mask he has on. At that time Chad was still wearing the protective mask that NBA'ers wear, since Moose had recently broken Chad's nose. We had already made the change to Texpress then.

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posted on 12-11-2011 at 03:46 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Originally posted by TexShark300
Originally posted by firewoman

After the next match, Phantos and Lucios appear at the podium

Chad: (adjusting his mask)....


I guess I just want to point out that it's not his Phantos mask he has on. At that time Chad was still wearing the protective mask that NBA'ers wear, since Moose had recently broken Chad's nose. We had already made the change to Texpress then.

You know, I thought they weren't masked anymore, and then you wrote I was confused...I shall fix it

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[DevSop] god your sex life scares me

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posted on 12-11-2011 at 05:26 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
OOC: Sorry Fire, I've been sick this week and that completely slipped my mind, also explains my lack of promos in general for those of you who care.
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posted on 12-12-2011 at 12:40 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
<We see Alexis training in the OOWF gym, in the ring with a local worker. She hits a couple moves, dropping the worker, then tries a high risk move, but can’t quite pull it off and lands wrong, falling on the back of her head. She grabs the back of her head in pain (no doubt still sore from the Go To Sleep Forever) and slams the mat in frustration and sends the worker to take a break. Lexie climbs out of the ring and we see Moose has taken a seat where he has been watching everything>

MHJ: How’s the neck feeling?

Lex: What the fuck do you care?

MHJ: Why so hostile Lexie?

Lex: My name is Alexis Darling you fucking psychopath, get it right or…….

MHJ: Or what?

<Alexis just glares at Moose>

MHJ: So tell me, why do you keep doing it?

Lex: Do what?

MHJ: Why do you keep climbing into the ring

Lex: Because I am damn good at what I do

MHJ: Are you now

Lex: <moving and getting right in Moose’s face> Yes, I fucking am. I have held titles wherever I have gone

MHJ: <laughing> You mean the IWA? Please.

Lex: I am a former OOWF world tag team champion as well

MHJ: Yeah, and you can thank Davin for that. The one time he is actually lucid enough to give a shit about tag team wrestling. You know what happened when he stopped caring, he handed the titles to those Texas retards

Lex: <shaking her head> What the hell would YOU know about wrestling anyway

MHJ: Onslaught champion

Lex: That doesn’t mean you can wrestle

MHJ: I believe it does. And I believe I kicked your ass on my way to the title

Lex: <shaking her head> I am going to SO enjoy watching my brother take you apart piece by piece

MHJ: It’s interesting, you don’t even wince when you say that anymore

Lex: What?

MHJ: When you get your brother to fight your battles for you. You want me gone so bad? You want me to suffer? Step in the ring Lexie, for once in your life, fight your own battles

Lex: Why? So you can have Eco run out and attack me? A two on one beat down? No thank you, I will let Alex destroy you

MHJ: You know, I always thought Little Alex was the only coward in the family, I was wrong. You take that match, and I will have Eco banned from ringside. Hell I will have him banned from the building. I don’t need anyone else to beat you little girl

Lex: <clearly enraged> I am not playing your games Moose. You are not dragging me to hell with you. You will be dealt with, and I am going to love watching your blood stain the mat

MHJ: <sitting back and laughing> Yeah, it’s probably for the best anyway, your brother would never let you take the match anyway

Lex: EXCUSE ME? My brother would never WHAT?

MHJ: He would never let you take that match. He would claim something about you getting hurt, he wouldn’t allow it, after all, you are just……….a girl

<Alexis flies across the room and as Moose stands up, Lexie slams him into the wall and pins him there with her arm across his throat>


MHJ: <eyes wide, grinning like a madman> that’s right Lexie, you’re a big girl, take the match, you can do whatever you want right? Your brother is not your keeper. But here’s the thing, if I am going to ban Eco? I want Alex and Lisa banned from ringside too. No one comes down until the match is over. Just one on one, you against me. Come on Lexie, are you going to step out of your brother’s shadow? Or are you going to continue to let him make your decisions for you? What’s it going to be?

<Alexis slams Moose against the wall again, then lets go. She stands there for a moment staring at him, then shakes her head and turns and walks away. Moose yells after her as she goes>



My personal fuck-off list: 1. Tony Romo 2. Eli Manning 3. The New York Yankees 4. LeBron James 5. Kobe Bryant 6. SEC Fans 7. The SEC 8. the Political Right 9. religion 10. Almost everything the WWE does

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posted on 12-12-2011 at 04:25 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
SFJ: Lionheart, ever since your win over Lobo last week, you haven’t really said or done much this week. What have you been doing anyway?

Evans: Eh, just catching up on some promos. I’ve liked watching Fire take some kinda trip into her subconscious. It’s kinda interesting, in a creepy sort of way.

SFJ: Yeah, how exactly are we actually able to see this right now?

E: It’s pro wrestling. That’s all that needs to be said.

SFJ: Eh, fair enough. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Do you have anything to add concerning your 6-man tag match with Stank, Lobo and LD.

E: All that I have to say was pretty much already done by Fulton, but I’ll try my best.

Stan tells me not to underestimate Lobo, but really, what is there to really worry about? Pretty much every time I’ve faced him, I’ve beaten him. Clean, dirty, doesn’t matter. I’ve pinned his shoulders to the mat, and next week will be no different.

LD and Stank, I’ll admit that my record against them hasn’t really been the greatest. But seeing the backup that I’ve got, I’ve really got no worries. We can outwrestle all 3 of those guys. Hell, the last time I faced LD, the man considered by many, myself not included, to be the greatest technical wrestler in OOWF history, I pinned him clean by...surprise, surprise...outwrestling him. And Stank, well, he’s got some new drama in his life with Ghosthead, and with the talent that we’ve got, all it takes is just some slip-up against us, and then *snap* you’re finished. Now you have anything else to say, cause I’m a busy man?

SFJ: Speaking of which, we also saw that Ghosthead was waiting at the top of the ramp and looking on in approval after you had pinned Lobo. Is there anything that we should know about that?

E: Hey, your guess is as good as mine. One thing I do know though is that although he may be new to the place, he grew up with Stank. That tells me all I need to know about that guy. And quite frankly, I’d love to know more about the guy. So if you’re watching Ghost, don’t hesitate to join the cause. We’d love to have a guy with your ability and bloodlust on board.

*fade to black*

The WWE: Where no one wins, unless you like Cena, in which case you are a sad little fanboy who will never get laid, but we are happy to take your money away-Moosehead Jack

"She is an estrogen molotov cocktail. It'd be in your best interest not to piss her off."- My thoughts on Firewoman

"Kurt Angle is like a living vortex of the surreal. On the off chance he's not doing, saying or thinking crazy things, people connected to him act crazy by association, caught in the gravitational pull of his insanity."- Ringout from FAN Forums

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posted on 12-12-2011 at 04:29 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
The marvelous J-P Sparxx is kickin' back, watchin' some TV with a big ol' 40 of Colt .45 when he does a spit take at Psykle's promo.

J-PS: Dis, an' ta think I kinda liked 'im. Oh well. Listen you punk ass Victoria's Angel, yeah dat's right, you ain;t no Hell's Angels, 'cuz dose bros tough. You? You a wannabe poser who wouldn't know a real champ if he bit you on yo likely hairy ass. So listen foo, J-P gon' drop sum knowledge on ya. I ain't 'bout respect. Respect is taken son. I follow des so-called Onslaught Rules an' I do it bettah dan anyone else, knowwhatI'msayin'? 'Cuz I'm da champ. I ain't worried what ya think a me. I ain't worried 'bout how much I talk. I talk when I wants ta talk, an' ya best listen when I do, ya knowwhatI'msayin'? Ya don;t worry 'bout what The Spark does in his free time. Ya worry 'bout what The Spark's gon' do to yo punk ass in da ring. The Spark's gon git'cha, an' dare ain't a thing ya can do 'bout it besides take yo ass whoopin' like a man and quit'cher bitchin' Ya feel me, son? Nah, ya prolly don't. But'cha will. So go on 'bout yer damn self and I'll see yo ass at Mayhem. Deuces bitch.

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posted on 12-12-2011 at 04:42 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
*A few moments later*

Alexis calms herself down and puts on her black hooded jacket before climbing up the steps of the OOWF arena and opening the door for the roof. She walks over to where another black hooded figure is sitting with his legs hanging over the edge.

Alexis: Did you see?

Alexander: I did.

Alexis: Do you think he's right?

Alexander: You're not serious, are you Lexie?

Alexis: Sometimes I wonder. I know what we were like when we first got here. It was Alexis and Alex against the world. Establish DEA. Find allies we can use. Show Fire she was one of us. Make moves to solidify our position in the company. And then cement our legacy.

Alexander: And what haven't we accomplished?

Alexis: You've accomplished it. I feel like I've become an afterthought.

Alexander: Lexie, he's getting in your head. No one will ever be able to replace you. You know that. I could have asked Fire to go on this crusade with me. I could have reached out to Davin or LD or even asked Poe...but I chose you. I always choose you. You have been through hell with me and you're the one I trust to finish this once and for all.

Alexis: And what about Fire?

Alexander: I love Fire but she can be better than this. She can still find happiness and doing this wouldn't allow that to happen.

Alexis: And I can?

Alexander: Yes. You're Alexis Darling. You're my other half. From the day we were conceiver through every second of our lives. You can do the things I can do. You can fight against the darkness and travel the path with me. We need to do this. For both of us. For everyone. We can't allow him to infect any more people.

Alexis: So you won't try to stop me from accepting this match he offered?

Alexander: Quite the opposite sister dear. I implore you to accept it and finish him. We're better than he is and he knows it and that's why he's trying to separate us.

Alexis: Then he's a fool isn't he brother dear. We're the Darling twins. Trained in the toughest wrestling city in the world. Groomed by the master of head games and inflicting pain and suffering. The dark wolves of winter. Afraid of no one and ready to attack.

Alexis cranks her neck and turns to see the INC focusing on her...

You want me Moose...Barbed wire isn't enough. I want tacks. I want glass. I want it all Moose. You want to bring me to hell, I've lived it so let's dance bitch.

Alexander gets to his feet and helps his sister to her feet...

Alexander: You picked the wrong Darling Moose. I'm the one who still wants to be good. Alexis here...she's going to kill you and then we're going play in your blood.

Alexis: Because I am Alexis Darling, and you're just not Jackie boy.


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posted on 12-12-2011 at 02:22 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
**SFJ#47 approaches L.D. Williams.**

SFJ#47: “L.D., last week you managed to defeat Matt Folz, but it was a near thing. He took you to the limit for nearly an hour.”

LDW: “He did. Let’s be honest - I won the match, but it was a near thing. The greatest match of Matt’s life, and probably near my top ten. But here’s the difference between me and Matt - after that match he was in the trainer’s room wearing an oxygen mask. Me? I showered, changed, met my wife at the hotel, and went dancing till dawn. When we finally got to bed, and when we got to sleep several hours after that, I still had more energy, more drive, more get-up-and-go, than Stan Fulton after a case of RedBull.

The New Guard like to say that us veterans are over the hill. That we’re past our prime. Truth is, I’ve got some years on me. I may even have slowed down a half-step or so. But ask Matt Folz how over the hill I am after we went toe-to-toe for almost an hour. Better yet, ask him after we do it again this week.”

SFJ#47: “But this week you won’t be wrestling one-on-one. You’ll be teaming up with Stank and El Lobo Sangriento, while Matt will be teaming with World Champion Stan Fulton and Intercontinental Champion Chris Evans.”

LDW: “Matt Folz, Stan Fulton and Chris Evans…names that strike fear in the hearts of opponents - or at least they might…someday. Right now? Mild annoyance at best. I’m not going to mince words. They’re younger….actually that’s about all they are. They aren’t stronger, they aren’t better, they’re definitely not hungrier. They might be faster, but that’s arguable at best. Truth is, youth is about the only thing on their side. I’ll take experience, thank-you very much. And besides all that, we have the ultimate advantage.”

SFJ#47: “What’s that?”

LDW: “Stank and the Canadians sounds way better than Matt and the Whiners.”


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The Rowdy One

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posted on 12-12-2011 at 02:24 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Originally posted by anglefan85
SFJ: Yeah, how exactly are we actually able to see this right now?

Alternate timeline

resident sorceress and necromancer in training.

[DevSop] god your sex life scares me

MHJ: "if it is kinky, depraved, erotic, or a fetish, you will find it"

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posted on 12-12-2011 at 02:42 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
It's a Wonderful Miracle on OOWF Street Carole (part 3)

We fade back in onto the deck of a yacht. Spin is listening as Fire is complaining about....

FW: ....trying to get himself over at MY funeral.

SFH: I think you should focus on the REST of what Davin said, and what the others said. You made a difference in all their lives, Fire.

FW: Uh huh....where are we?

They look around and see Alexander Darling sunning himself with what looks to be very expensive champagne in a very expensive glass. It's a HUGE yacht. Another man walks up to him.

MHJ: Well, hello, General Manager Darling.

AD: Hi yourself, CEO Quinn.

They smirk at each other.

MHJ: You could have been CEO...

AD: Nah, I like this better...

MHJ: Ever think this would happen? Vince getting canceled, USA replacing WWE with us? It's fantastic.

The camera pans back and there's a HUGE party going on, with a large banner that says "WE DID IT! MONDAY NIGHT MAYHEM! -- LIVE!" There are several familiar faces (and heels) among the crowd, and some newer younger faces (and heels). Moose pulls up a deck chair and a server hands him champagne. Moose leans back and lights a very expensive cigar. He offers one to Alex, who says no thanks. The two clink glasses as they watch Davin run by chasing a 5-year-old, who appears to have stolen something.

DM: Lisa Harper Moreland you get back here this second!

Alex and Moose both smile.

MHJ: She'd have liked that....

AD: Fire.

MHJ: To Fire.

AD: None of this ever would have happened if we hadn't started working together, taking out Tytan and Eco.

MHJ: I never liked you. I hated you.

AD: Feeling was mutual.

Professional wrestler Jessie McKay walks across the deck, winks at Alexander and walks on.

MHJ: Oh yeah, happy anniversary! It's been what, a month?

AD: Somethin' like that.

Fire hauls off and punches Spin in the shoulder.

MHJ: I was beginning to think you'd never move on.

AD: Eh....Fire always liked her, and she gets it....

MHJ: I thought you'd go back to Syd.

AD: Fire would have haunted me.

Both men share a laugh.

FW: Damn fucking straight I would.

MHJ: I heard Tytan came up for parole.

AD: Yeah, I went, gave my 'impact statement.' Not a dry eye in the house. He's never getting out.

MHJ: Good. Poe said he heard word of Juni.

AD: Yeah?

MHJ: Fire's "family" in Japan didn't take too kindly to his role in getting rid of their favoritegaijin. He hasn't been heard from for a few years.

AD: If he's alive, he's probably missing several digits.

FW: That's it....I'm out of here.

The scene changes back to mists.

FW: Oh great...this again.

SFH: What?

FW: SERIOUSLY? I die and Moose and Alex are not only no longer interested in killing each other, bu they're FRIENDS? An they're BUSINESS PARTNERS and made OOWF THE top promotion in the world? Tytan and Eco are out of the picture for good? Alex is all remarried and happy? Davin named his daughter after me...whoa....

SFH: He did.

FW: Well, still....

SFH: That's not all....look....

The mists swirl away a bit, and reveal Alexander Darling standing on the deck alone while the party goes on around him. While he clearly has a wedding band on, he reaches in his shirt, and pulls two matching bands, one larger than the other, on a leather string. He looks at it, smiles, and puts it away before joining the party.

SFH: See? He misses you!

FW: I don't see what that has to do with it. People liked me. They said nice things about me.

SFH: And they meant them.

FW: And I appreciate it, but that doesn't change the fact that their lives right now are pretty awesome.

SFH: *looks upward before getting an idea*'s the deal...yeah....lots of good things would have happened if you weren't here. But lots of good things have happened WITH YOU here.

FW: Like?

SFH:, the proposal to the board, to improve all wrestlers' lives! That doesn't get done if you aren't around. And this is all five years down the road, and largely inspired by you. Imagine what it would look like if you WERE here to be a part of it?

FW: You proved it already. Moose and Alex don't make up, so it never happens.

SFH: You've got lots of friends for the first time ever, and you're getting along with your parents.

FW: Barely.

SFH: Well, and you are pretty happy.

FW: Yeah, he's been patient with my ... issues, but--

SFH: Look, Fire...part of the problem is I'm not allowed to reveal to you what will be in your REGULAR life. But you have to believe me. Something is going to happen SOON, that will make you see. You are still here for a reason. Otherwise, they wouldn't have wasted their time sending me here.

Fire looks at him skeptically.

FW: I don't suppose I could have something more conclusive as proof than your word? Like some sort of angelic halo, or a scepter or something?

SFH: A scepter? You'll put your eye out.

FW: Really. Look, this has been highly entertaining, but I don't think you're getting those wings, Spin.

SFH: Trust me, Fire....I promise you. You'll know it when you see it. All you have to do is believe....believe....believe.....

Spin's voice gets all loud and echoes. It's taken over by an electronic tone of some sort. It sounds like a cell phone ringer version of Shawn Michael's "Sexy Boy."

Suddenly Firewoman sits straight up in the sofa, wide awake. She looks around, trying to figure out where she is, then she realizes the sun is up and her cell phone is ringing. She answers it.

FW: What...Chad? No...Sorry, I overslept...................just...weird ass, not even the fun kind.......huh? Charity event?........What surprise?.......Yeah, I can be ready, just let me tell Alex and....oh he knows?...............okay, fine, I'll see you in the loading dock in about 30 minutes.

Fire hangs up, shakes the cobwebs out of her head, and goes to get ready.

[Edited on 12-12-2011 by firewoman]

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MHJ: "if it is kinky, depraved, erotic, or a fetish, you will find it"

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Man of a Thousand Holds

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posted on 12-12-2011 at 10:37 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
GM Selena SKIPS~ towards catering. As she gets there she spots Kai, Aina, and Noelani seated at a table eating pizza.

GMSa-T: Can I join yo...oh, YOU'RE here.

Noelani smiles and rubs up on Aina's arm.

Noe: Where else would I be?

Kai: The Kai is sure Canada has whorehouses too.

Selena laughs while Noelani rolls her eyes. Aina shoots Kai a look. Kai ignores it and pulls up a chair for Selena next to him.

Kai: Join the Kai, his bruddah and his winch. There's enough pie for all. Especially with Lani here.

Noe: Okay, seriously...

Noelani gets out of her seat, but Aina pulls her back down.

GMSa-T: I could put you in the Clockwork Orange Battle Royal ya know.

Aina: Great movie.

GMSa-T: Yeah, me and Omie watched it on our honeymoon.

Noe: That's a little disturbing.

Aina: Watching Clockwork Orange on a honeymoon or Poe and Selena in general?

Noe: All of the above.

Kai puts his arm around Selena's shoulders.

Kai: Don't listen to her. Just because you were more successful in getting a husband at like sixteen than she will ever be, she shouldn't;t be jealous.

Noe: I don't have to take this.

Kai: You take a lotta things.

Selena laughs again and high fives Kai.

Aina: Bruddah, you're approaching that line hard and fast.

Kai: Fine. The Kai will leave your little tramp alone. The Kai has better things to talk about anyway.

GMSa-T: Oh! You haven't promo'ed about your match this week.

Kai: The Kai knows. Everyone keeps reminding the Kai to promo. Everyone loves the Kai's promos.

Aina: Let Texpress and Outback Jack have it bruddah.

GMSa-T: Steers & Beers!

Kai: Alright, the Kai will. And the Kai likes that Selena.

Kai cranes his neck towards the Ninjacam and arches his eyebrow, drawing clapping and laughing from Selena.

Kai: Texpress. Outback Jack. Monkeys the Kai and his bruddah know all too well. The Kai can't get away from you. You're like that itch you can't scratch, something Noelani is all too familiar with.

Aina: Kai...

Kai: The Kai will speak in you Texas and Aussie rednecks' language.

Selena belches after drinking some Coke and then laughs at herself.

Kai: So can Selena apparently. You boys know about bulls. Ya like bulls? Ya stay up at night dreaming about the biggest balled bull you can find? The Kai is a bull. The Kai is the Lava Bull. The Lava Bull is huge. The Lava Bull is strong. The Lava Bull is so hot, he's on fire. And most importantly, the Lava Bull has the biggest horns and balls you've ever seen!

Noelani laughs to herself.

Kai: You mess with the Lava Bull, you get horns shoved so far up your candy ass you'll be brushing the Lava Bull's horn with your toothbrush!

GMSa-T: Don't forget to floss!

Aina: Texpress. Outback Jack. What's buried under my bruddah's promo is simply this. We know you all. We know you all too well. You can't bring anything to the table we haven't seen and countered. So be prepared for the fight of your life. You will not be walking out of that arena with our belts. Even if Alex is preoccupied.

Kai: The Kai has faith in Alexander Darling. Alexander Darling is a champion through and through and he will be at the Luau celebrating our victory over you three jabronis.

GMSa-T: He'll bring the pizza.

Kai: Oh, Outback jack, I promised to speak your language too. *belch* That's Hawai'ian for "bring it ya big fat sheep fucking kangaroo licking piece of monkey poo...IF YA SMELLLLLLLALALALAOW. WHAT THE KAI. IS. SURFIN'!

Kai arches his evebrow as music starts playing from speakers near catering.

GMSa-T: Great time for a sound check!

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posted on 12-13-2011 at 12:41 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
<Moose is sitting in the back watching the Darlings, and he is laughing maniacally to himself>

MHJ: He was RIGHT! It really is THIS fucking easy! Alexis, seriously, I thought your brother was the dumbest person in the family, but I am starting to rethink my stance on that. First, he manipulates Lisa COMPLETELY away from the World Title, and ends her EVER being any threat to his quest to always be the world champion.

And then, after that, he decides to get rid of you. He IMPLORES you to take a match against me? Damn Little Alex, that is cold. I mean, you could just send her back home to Mommy and Daddy Darling in Florida, instead, I am going to send her home in a body bag.

Let's get one thing perfectly fucking clear right now, there is NOTHING the Darlings are better at than I am. Winning titles? Been there, done that. Cemented my legacy? Way ahead of both of you. Beat you BOTH clean in the ring? Already did that. So, do you want to explain to me how the FUCK you think either of you silver spoon losers are any better than me?

Trained in the toughest wrestling city in the world, blah blah blah. I wrestled in Japan too, thrived there, made a name for myself as one of the most blood thirsty men in all of wrestling. You two? Please, you two could barely hold Poe's jock, and it took you cowardly attacking him to make a name for yourself. I am not fucking impressed.

Afraid of no one, ready to attack, the dark wolves of winter, prove it. Come on Lexie, prove your brother right, live up to your empty words. You really think you have lived hell bitch? You have NO idea what hell is. You want tacks and glass? How about this, at the pay per view, Alexis Darling versus Moosehead Jack in a Taipei Fence match. You want to make a name for yourself little girl? I will drag you to hell kicking and screaming. And Alex? I want you there, I want you at ringside. I want you to watch as I carve up your sister. I want you right there to watch as I make her bleed and scream in pain. I want you to see it all. And I want it in the contract that if you interfere in ANY way whatsoever, you are banned from the OOWF for life. You hear me rich boy? You are such a fan of torture? I want you to have to sit right fucking there and watch what I do to your precious worthless sack of shit sister.

You wanna dance Alexis? Take the match. Lets see how far you are willing to go. I guarantee you one fucking thing bitch, it will not be enough. You may bloody me, you may leave bruises, but at the end of the night, it is going to be you, lying in the ring, choking on blood, staring up at the lights. It is going to be you who hears your brothers cries of anguish as they load you on a stretcher. It is going to be you who has no career.

He won't allow anything else. Trust me

My personal fuck-off list: 1. Tony Romo 2. Eli Manning 3. The New York Yankees 4. LeBron James 5. Kobe Bryant 6. SEC Fans 7. The SEC 8. the Political Right 9. religion 10. Almost everything the WWE does

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