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Author: Subject: 'Fuck' List III: The Enfuckening
williamssl
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posted on 8-14-2011 at 04:48 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Fuck Immodium A.D.

Seriously - with the good comes bad.

I take some because I'm on vacation and doing nothing but drinking beer all day and eating too much bad food and I have an upset stomach and the runs, and we're going to Univesral Studios and I'd rather not spend the day in the bathroom at an amsuement park and/or having to run to the car to change my shitstained paints from a fart-turned-wet fart...repeatedly.


The good is...it works. I enjoy my day at Universal.
The bad is...it works too well. Now I'm frickin constipated and it will be a good 2-3 days before I can take a shit again.

Man...technology....





Don't Mess With Texas

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Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni






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posted on 8-14-2011 at 05:26 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
^

Try some acidophilus/bifidus supplements from a health or drug store. It's a concentrated version of the same good probiotics in yogurt that keeps a person's intestinal flora at a properly functioning level. They take a bit of time to work, a few days or so, but they'll straighten your innards out but good. Not to put too gross a spin on it but if you stick with them for a couple of weeks you'll go from a ten-wiper to clean-as-a-whistle, both inside and out, to a most satisfying degree.

Ditch bread for a while too. That stuff just makes it worse when these episodes happen. I'm convinced on a certain level that almost all of us a borderline suffering from Celiac disease and that an over-consumption of wheat products, especially white bread, is fucking all of us up big time.

Regards,

Dr. Knobb





Well you know, just because these young men have little education and live in squalor, it doesn't entitle them to commit antisocial behaviour and get away with it.

it's a child molesting robot

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punkerhardcore
American Dream






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posted on 8-14-2011 at 05:36 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Drink some Metamucil... you'll take such a huge dump it'll look like an elephant just shit in your toilet.





Is everyone mad here?
Of course they are, and you are too... otherwise, you wouldn't have come here.

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Thom
The Immortal One






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posted on 8-15-2011 at 02:09 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
You're not constipated. You just have FF's dick stuck.





#GLENNSURVIVESLOL - Cherokee Jack, from TWD Season 6 thread

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gobbledygooker
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posted on 8-17-2011 at 08:12 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Man, having the shits at an amusement park. Is there any worse place?

Actually, I got the shits at a minor league baseball game once and that sucked. And seeing the condition of the bathrooms at the many Panthers games I've been to, I hope it never hits me there. Rock concerts? That would be horrible.

Pretty much anywhere there is an endless stream of drunk guys pissing all over the restroom is a pretty safe bet to be somewhere you don't want to have the runs.





"Hulk Hogan have the sex with some dumb bitch on the TV. The girl smart if she make the $$ from his bald ass but she also desperate to have sex with the howdy doody like Hulk Hogan. He worse than Mel Gibson and I think now %10000 he prove he have grasshopper dick and raisin balls." - The Iron Sheik

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Biff_Manly
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posted on 8-18-2011 at 07:32 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Anytime you have to take a shit in a port o potty in the middle of summer is a hell of a bad time. Especially if you are at a state fair or festival where they have been sitting in the blazing sun being filled with all levels of horror all afternoon and have heated up to the level of shit sauna.

Reminds me of the bathroom scene in Trainspotting :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJrWlHRT-18





"Walter: I can solve everything by making this gramophone have sex with time."
--SCSA's Fringe on Ice Holiday Spectacular.

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Columbo
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posted on 8-25-2011 at 10:39 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Fuck mandatory evacuations, hope Cape May County is still here when I get back.





"The North Cafeteria, named after Admiral William North, is located in the western portion of East Hall, gateway to the western half of North Hall, which is named, not after William North, but for its position above the South Wall. It is the most contested and confusing battlefield on Greendale’s campus, next to the English Memorial Spanish Center, named after English Memorial, a Portuguese sailor that discovered Greendale while looking for a fountain that cured syphilis."

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williamssl
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posted on 8-29-2011 at 09:44 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Fuck people who begin almost every sentence with "So".

I am not directing that at any specific person or people here. It is a general and broad "Fuck" to something that has increasingly been bugging the shit out of me.

It's all over Facebook status updates. "So my cat farted." "So I'm pregnant." "So the power is still out."


Hell - I'm occasionally guilty of it. Fuck me for that.

We have a swear jar at home where my kid gets a quarter everytime my wife or I swear. He's making a fucking mint. We just instituted a "so jar" where a quarter goes in for every sentence that begins with that word. I don't know who the fuck gets all the money but it's filling up faster than I drop f-bombs.



Also, fuck the inevitable first reply to this which will begin with "So...".

[Edited on 8-29-2011 by williamssl]





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gobbledygooker
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posted on 1-12-2012 at 03:41 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Fuck home renovations.

My wife and I dove head-first into this last week by ordering a new fridge, stove/microwave combo, and dishwasher and scheduling a subsequent resurfacing of our kitchen counters, refacing of our kitchen cabinets, and redoing our bathrooms.

"Phase 1 - The Appliances" is currently taking place and it's a wonder we haven't murdered each other yet. Her parents are going to be taking our old fridge to put in a condo they own so we currently have that sitting in our living room. The electrician came by yesterday and disconnected our old stove. But the new stove doesn't fit into the space it will need to go until we get the counters adjusted which won't be happening until the work begins in a few weeks. So we are going to be without a stove for a few weeks. And we are waiting until the new dishwasher is installed on Monday so Lowe's can take the old stove and old dishwasher together. As a result, we have our old stove sitting next to our old refrigerator in our living room. I have the luxury of working about 10 min. from home so I've been able to meet contractors, etc. over lunch but I've been wondering how the fuck people who live 45 min. from home are able to do this kind of shit without having to take chunks of time off. That would REALLY suck.

Anyway, add the stress of just getting the shit taken care of with the stress of the fucking money we are dropping on this thing and...life has not been fun. I'm trying to keep my eyes on the prize and think of how awesome the place will be when it's done but fuck if it isn't going to be a bitch getting there. I'm planning on alcohol with my dwindling funds in the meantime. Lots of it.

As an addendum, FUCK being an adult and dealing with things like home ownership. If I hadn't met my wife (who already owned our condo) I think I would've been quite content staying in apartments, where all this bullshit is handled for you.

[Edited on 1-12-2012 by gobbledygooker]





"Hulk Hogan have the sex with some dumb bitch on the TV. The girl smart if she make the $$ from his bald ass but she also desperate to have sex with the howdy doody like Hulk Hogan. He worse than Mel Gibson and I think now %10000 he prove he have grasshopper dick and raisin balls." - The Iron Sheik

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Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni






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posted on 1-13-2012 at 06:27 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by gobbledygooker
......FUCK being an adult.......


Man, you got that right. I've been saying the same thing to anyone who'll listen ever since I got out of high school.

You did get to golf at Hilton Head though, so your life really can't be all that bad........





Well you know, just because these young men have little education and live in squalor, it doesn't entitle them to commit antisocial behaviour and get away with it.

it's a child molesting robot

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gobbledygooker
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posted on 1-13-2012 at 07:05 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Speaking of which, I bought a new TaylorMade Burner driver for $99 over Christmas (before we decided to go bankrupt in renovating our kitchen) that I can't wait to break in. That is something on my non-Fuck list.





"Hulk Hogan have the sex with some dumb bitch on the TV. The girl smart if she make the $$ from his bald ass but she also desperate to have sex with the howdy doody like Hulk Hogan. He worse than Mel Gibson and I think now %10000 he prove he have grasshopper dick and raisin balls." - The Iron Sheik

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Paddlefoot
Rocco Rock of Jabroni






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posted on 1-13-2012 at 08:22 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Thos Burners are some seriously sweet fucking clubs. The ones I bought back in 2007 were one of the best things I ever did for my own game. Once I get back on my feet financially I desperately want to try out one of the ones where you can adjust the weighting with the different screw patterns.





Well you know, just because these young men have little education and live in squalor, it doesn't entitle them to commit antisocial behaviour and get away with it.

it's a child molesting robot

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doctorb
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posted on 1-14-2012 at 02:56 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I need new irons. Fuck playing with 25 year old irons because your kids keep needing new shoes.





The "B" is for Bargain!

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firewoman
The Rowdy One






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posted on 2-8-2012 at 08:56 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Fuck people who can't figure out what to do at a four-way stop.

And a special "fuck" to people who know what to do but decide to be nice and let someone else go first even if it's not their turn and then confuse the hell out of everyone else, thus making the whole process that much more difficult than it would have been had you just followed the rules in the first place.

And AND fuck people who make two-way stops into four-way stops...just in case.





resident sorceress and necromancer in training.

[DevSop] god your sex life scares me

MHJ: "if it is kinky, depraved, erotic, or a fetish, you will find it"

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Thom
The Immortal One






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posted on 2-8-2012 at 09:03 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I understand, fire. I live in New England. Trust me, I understand...





#GLENNSURVIVESLOL - Cherokee Jack, from TWD Season 6 thread

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Chris Is Good517
Best There Is Was or Ever Will Be






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posted on 2-8-2012 at 09:43 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Fuck four way stops that badly need traffic lights. When you leave my subdivision, the little road that leads out to the main road comes out to a very busy intersection with a crowded subdivision, a gas station, and an elementary school all right there, and only a four way stop sign to try to control the chaos. Trying to get anywhere before 8:30 in the morning is fucking anarchy.





Monday Night Flaw, a podcast about professional wrestling starring OO's own Figure Foreskin as Andy the Smarmy Host and Chris Is Good517 as Cousin Balki.

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southermagu
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posted on 2-9-2012 at 07:10 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
You better be fucking confident at a four way stop in my city.

If you hesitate at all all the other folks turn into starving, steroid infused lions and being the next to go is a Goddamn gimpy gazelle on Xanax.





Hey guys...

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firewoman
The Rowdy One






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posted on 2-9-2012 at 08:18 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Also people who don't understand the concept of MERGING.

I can give a billion examples on any given day, but the latest that stands out is coming from a small rural road onto a divided 4 lane highway. I turn left, oncoming traffic has a right kind of 'veer,' and a very short distance before we both are in the same lane. I have a yield sign.

There are four cars coming and they're all signaling (which is a subject for another rant anyway) that they're taking the exit, AND they actually do (it was a banner day in Granville). I slow because I have the yield, but there is a space between the first car and the rest that, if everyone just stays where they are, and does what they're supposed to do, I can just merge right in there with no problems for anyone.

Well, that's not what happens. The first car sees me slowing but not stopping at the yield sign, freaks out, and hits the brakes. Well that just ruins everything, but I have to now slam the brakes a bit harder, because he's so freaked out by a simple thing called "merging" that he's almost at a complete stop. Now I have to wait for five to six cars (now, some others have caught up).





resident sorceress and necromancer in training.

[DevSop] god your sex life scares me

MHJ: "if it is kinky, depraved, erotic, or a fetish, you will find it"

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williamssl
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posted on 2-9-2012 at 08:44 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I'm particularly fond of Mr. "I need to get into your lane so I'm going to speed up so I can get in front of you (as opposed to slowing down and getting behind you) and then slowing down to a speed 5-10mph lower than you were going when I got in front of you to begin with."





Don't Mess With Texas

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punkerhardcore
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posted on 2-9-2012 at 09:21 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I hate when I come to a stop-signed intersection at the same time as someone else, and I wave them to go and they shake it off and wave me to go instead. Fuck man, if I tell you to go, then just go... it doesn't have to be a battle for politeness.





Is everyone mad here?
Of course they are, and you are too... otherwise, you wouldn't have come here.

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firewoman
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posted on 2-9-2012 at 10:19 PM Edit Post Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by williamssl
I'm particularly fond of Mr. "I need to get into your lane so I'm going to speed up so I can get in front of you (as opposed to slowing down and getting behind you) and then slowing down to a speed 5-10mph lower than you were going when I got in front of you to begin with."


If they're a little ahead of me, I'll slow down a bit to let them in. If their behind me and i have room, I'll speed up a little. Same thing if I'm merging. Or I'll try to, but usually that's being OMG AGGRESSIVE TRYING TO CUT IN, so whatever, I'll get behind. I don't care, it's not a race. I just wanna get on/off the damn freeway.

Fuck people and their overdeveloped need for competition.

Punker that 4way stop thing isn't being polite, it's confusing the fuck out of everyone. Just go





resident sorceress and necromancer in training.

[DevSop] god your sex life scares me

MHJ: "if it is kinky, depraved, erotic, or a fetish, you will find it"

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Chris Is Good517
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posted on 2-10-2012 at 12:00 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by firewoman
Also people who don't understand the concept of MERGING.



This.

Also, goddamn, just because you actually put on your blinker doesn't mean you don't need to LOOK before you change lanes. I nearly got into a wreck this afternoon because some dumb fuck on the highway (on his cell, natch) flipped on his blinker and then just swerved into my lane without looking, damn near taking me out. I blew on my horn and he swerved back into his own lane, and then when I passed him and gave him a dirty look he had the audacity to flip ME off. I raged out so hard, I'm honestly scared if my kids hadn't been in the car with me I might have followed him to wherever he was going.





Monday Night Flaw, a podcast about professional wrestling starring OO's own Figure Foreskin as Andy the Smarmy Host and Chris Is Good517 as Cousin Balki.

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TownOfDalem
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posted on 2-10-2012 at 12:45 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
I have a bad tendency to intentionally piss off idiot drivers. My favorite thing to do to fuck with douche bag drivers is blow a kiss at them. It tends to piss them off more. Of course i'll prolly be the first straight guy killed in an anti gay hate crime, but fuck those homophobic shitty drivers. FYI, if you hate asshole drivers dont move to LA.





OO's only mammal penguin

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williamssl
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posted on 2-10-2012 at 12:49 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by firewoman
quote:
Originally posted by williamssl
I'm particularly fond of Mr. "I need to get into your lane so I'm going to speed up so I can get in front of you (as opposed to slowing down and getting behind you) and then slowing down to a speed 5-10mph lower than you were going when I got in front of you to begin with."


If they're a little ahead of me, I'll slow down a bit to let them in. If their behind me and i have room, I'll speed up a little. Same thing if I'm merging. Or I'll try to, but usually that's being OMG AGGRESSIVE TRYING TO CUT IN, so whatever, I'll get behind. I don't care, it's not a race. I just wanna get on/off the damn freeway.

Fuck people and their overdeveloped need for competition.




I guess I didn't explain my situation right.

Driver is next to me. Driver wants in my lane. Driver has choice of speeding up to get in front of me, or slowing a bit and going behind me. Driver speeds up and gets in front of me. Fine. But then Driver decides that now that he's there he's going to slow down to not just the speed he and I were going when he was beside me. 5-10 mpg slower.

Fuck that guy.





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CreativeInternetAliass
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posted on 2-10-2012 at 01:46 AM Edit Post Reply With Quote
Fuck driving, It's the year 2012 where the hell is my flying car that folds up into a suitcase when I get to work. Stop waisting time trying to cure CancerAids and get on it allready Science guys!





you're a freak of nature Dougie, laws of nature do not apply to you (BC in chat on 7/02/12 describing why women think i'm sweet)

dev are you going to give me your address or do i have to check the registered sex offender data base (Firewoman trying to set up a three way meet on 03/20/2011)

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