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Author: Subject: Raw Recap Erin & Rick Special
metallikid
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posted on 11-23-2005 at 01:22 PM Edit Post
Raw Recap Erin & Rick Special

Let me be the first to say BRILLIANT. I want to thank Comcast for going out because the last half of the recap with IM commentary from Erin & Rick was absolute gold. You guys should consider doing that once a month or once every other month for the entire show. Great save by both of you leading to a potential goldmine recapping gimmick.





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OOMatt
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posted on 11-23-2005 at 05:34 PM Edit Post
For it to be an interesting recurring gimmick, they couldn't agree on absolutely everything all the time, so I don't think that will be happening.






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OORick
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posted on 11-23-2005 at 08:24 PM Edit Post
I wouldn't worry about this becoming a recurring gimmick... extrapolating out, the molasses-like Velocity of AIM (at least, it's molasses-like if you do it right, and converse in full sentences like Intelligent Human Beings, instead of emoticonning and LOL'ing like a moron) means that recapping a whole show that way would probably end up taking about 6 hours. Which is at least twice as long as any recap should ever take.

Now, you want to talk about a Recapping Gimmick that *would* be fun, that'd be my long-standing thought that doing an Alternate Commentary Track for people to download and sync up with their recordings of RAW would be cool. Sort of a Mystery Science Theatre or "Beavis and Butthead" dealy. Alas, Erin's usually pretty phone-o-phobic, and I've just learned today that apparently I don't like any of my other poor, neglected columnists enough to try the project with any of them. Plus, it doesn't help that the simple facts are (a) I'm lazy and editing 2 hours of audio would probably be a pain in the ass, and (b) I'm cutting it close enough in terms of my bandwidth as it is without making massive mp3 files available for download.

So I guess I'm saying: resign yourself to settling for the same old OO Recaps, in perpetuity, cuz holding your breath for some gimmicky change will probably result in death.

quote:
Originally posted by OOMatt
For it to be an interesting recurring gimmick, they couldn't agree on absolutely everything all the time, so I don't think that will be happening.


You mean one of us would have to pretend to be a clueless retard who thought there was absolutely nothing wrong with the current WWE product, and thus had nothing snarky to say about it? You know, methinks that actually wouldn't make for a very credible or compelling dynamic, either...

And plus, Erin and I can too disagree! Watch this:

I think "Lost" sucks.



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angstboy
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posted on 11-23-2005 at 08:40 PM Edit Post
That's the interesting thing about disagreements. One person is usually right and the other is from Dayton.






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OOMatt
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posted on 11-24-2005 at 06:01 AM Edit Post
quote:
Originally posted by OORick
You mean one of us would have to pretend to be a clueless retard who thought there was absolutely nothing wrong with the current WWE product, and thus had nothing snarky to say about it? You know, methinks that actually wouldn't make for a very credible or compelling dynamic, either...


No, I mean both of you would have to STOP being clueless retards waxing on and on about how brilliant you are and patting yourselves on the back more than Barry Horowitz with a legion of ticks crawling on his back while parroting the same ideas back and forth at eachother in lieu of actual, inciteful wrestling commentary.

Like adding "u"s to everyone's name.

All I'm saying is that, for the gimmick to be successful in the long run (which it won't because, as you pointed out it doesn't really exist), one of the two of you would have to stop being self congratulatory, and instead offer some kind of differenca of opinion, however slight. It's not exactly reinventing the wheel to suggest some alternative point of view from the other individual, is it?

Err...what I mean to say is that what your recaps need is more Triple H in party hats.






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Alana
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posted on 11-25-2005 at 06:27 AM Edit Post
metallikid: Sorry, but I don't think you'll see a recap like this ever again. It was a big fat pain in the ass to do, however funny the results were.

Matt: I refuse to manufacture disagreement for the sake of playing Devil's Advocate. Had we set out to engage in meaningful debate, we would have. Instead, we recapped the show and tried to be funny about it. Apparently, agreement offends you (OMG~! Rick and I both like Benoit and favor ending the brand split, and don't like Randy Orton! How dare we!?) I'd apologize, but I wouldn't mean it.

Seriously, dude, it's just a recap.





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OORick
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posted on 11-25-2005 at 11:02 AM Edit Post
quote:
Originally posted by Alana
Matt: I'd apologize, but I wouldn't mean it.


Well, that seals it: next time your cable goes out when you're doing my Recap Bidding, go groveling to Matt for the AIM Assistance. Because disagreement equals good TV, and I don't want to stink up the joint with any more of our bland, flaccid Having-Basic-Agreement-About-Things-That-Are-Relatively-Obvious-To-Most-Thinking-People!

So bravo for not pretend-apologizing here! No faking! In this anxiously awaited Tag Team bRAWd Recap with Matt, I say let the venom fly without abandon! And as you are eating Hocking for lunch in front of the RAW Recap's sizeable audience, just tell youself you're not a bad person for emasculating him: you're just giving the people what Matt, his own self, knows the people want. Fuck Agreeing to Disagree! And Viva la Going Out Of Your Way To Come Up With Shit To Disagree About~!

quote:
Seriously, dude, it's just a recap.


I sorta thought the same thing at first. But nuh-uh, E. It's the recap So Historically Significant that it's spawned not one, but TWO distinct threads here... and it's the recap So Completely Indicative Of Serious Problems Plaguing Online Onslaught Dot Com that Matthew has posted to BOTH those threads (repeatedly) to help us learn how some combination of our Willful Social Ostracism Of The Underlings and our Total Lack of Wit, Wrestling Expertise, or Compelling Chemistry resulted in a total turd of a recap that absolutely nobody (except for everybody else) seemed to enjoy as the tasty bit of fast-food fluffery that it was intended to be.

I mean, why would he take the time and energy if this wasn't really, REALLY important? Just accept it, E: we suck. And we're not just poor wrestling intellects, we're just-plain-bad-people for being so gosh-darned rude to folks around us and not including them in our reindeer games. At least we can take solace in the fact that, for our greivous transgressions, we will one day burn in Hell together, where we can hang out and keep on doing what comes natural. Cuz on that distant day, it'll only be murderers, rapists, unwed teenage mothers, and Democrats that'll be exposed to our Unreadable Drivel.

So just keep that in mind, Anybody Who Really Wants To Hang Out With The Cool Kids, regardless of the circumstances. You may kindly feel free to See Us In Hell~! NEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAWWWWWW~!


The Rick






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Operation Retard
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posted on 11-25-2005 at 08:24 PM Edit Post
two of these threads, and not one of them features rk making a "rick love erin" joke.

times they sure are a chaingin






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Blade
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posted on 11-25-2005 at 10:38 PM Edit Post
Hooookay... I rather imagine it's Rick being just a tad frustrated with the fact that Matt took a series of insulting potshots at him for no real apparent reason? Whether that's supposed to be sympathetic or funny or not I can't tell, but...

Jeezus, it was just a recap. I will be the first to say - and have, a few times - that I don't like certain habits Rick's fallen into as of late, but it was just a fricking recap. Erin's cable went out, so they improvised based on their ensuing AIM conversation. Most people thought it was funny. If you didn't, well, it was a one-time thing, so I can't see the point of getting upset.

If someone doesn't like the fact that Erin and Rick are friends who talk online with each other instead of them... well, that's just fricking petty.

Not that either Rick nor Erin really need someone to defend them, but geez, people.

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Xoid
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posted on 11-26-2005 at 01:39 PM Edit Post
I agree that all this bickering is silly, yet I want to say something. If this goes on much longer I would love it and I would want Double-O to stop being a website and start being a TV show.

I bet I have been with Rick longer than anybody here including his own staff. I stopped caring about wrestling years ago but I still love reading what Rick and his people do for us. Unlike every other website I go to they seem like real people. They even post in the forums with us. I have always liked that.

Rick's latest post surprised me tho. I thought he was taking the high road and being polite to Matt and then he suddenly rips on him and I realized that not only does Double-O have real personalities they have real personalities that do not always get along. Maybe I am weird but when I saw that, I had an idea that it would be funny if all of Double-O worked in the same office or lived in the same house. We are all seperated by thousands of miles but what I like about Double-O is that I feel like I know the people. I think getting Rick and Erin and Matt and everybody else together in the same house would be lots better than any sitcom on TV.

You have everything. Rick and Erin are like the quarterback and the head cheerleader. They rule the place. Some people pretend to hate them. Most people secretly want to hang out with them. They are smart and funny and hard to dislike despite their popularity. They do cool stuff like make friends with some of the smart nerds too.

Like Jeb Lund, who is the layed back king of the smart kids. He gets to help Rick and Erin on some episodes. On others, he is in charge of keeping the other nerds in line. On all episodes, he is the calmest and most diplomatic guy and probably smokes a pipe and wears an ascot.

Which leads to Matt Hocking, who should be the nerdiest nerd and Jeb's biggest headache. Matt is quirky and wants to be loved by the cool kids. Yet he cannot master any social graces. Viewers either love him or hate him. He probably has a secret crush on Erin and that's what makes him act like such a "douchebag" all the time as Rick would call him 38 times per episode in a blatant attempt to create a catchphrase.

You could have Pyrofalcon and Canadian Bulldog as unwilling roommates in the house. I do not know if they really hate each other or are just pretending to feud right now. Either way, tho, you have an instant Seinfeld/Newmann thing. The cliffhanger for season two can be Hocking convincing them to put their differences aside in order to join his forces against the evil Rick and Erin. Bank on it? Tune in next fall to find out.

In the basement live Cubs Fan, Jason Longshire, and all the TNA pay-per-view guys. They have to watch all the b-shows that nobody else in the house does. Every episode they keep mostly to themself and have madcap independent b-story adventures that do not intersect with our main characters.

The nextdoor neighbors can be Shastar and Immolator and Denny Burkholder and anybody else around here who used to write for Double-O but don't anymore. They can make helpful guest appearances when necessary or maybe just call the cops to get OO House in trouble because they are jealous at not being in the club anymore. CRZ should make a few appearances per season as the landlord of the castaway house.

For sweeps month OO House could attend WWE events with guest appearances by WWE stars. Randy Orton could try to slip Erin a roofie at the hotel bar and get his ass kicked by Rick in the parking lot before his plan came to fruition. Matt Hocking could find out just how much Kane is enough Kane after 30 minutes trapped in a closet. During the very special holiday episode OO House could put all their differences aside to cook Christmas dinner for their honored guest Chris Benoit. Benoit would be more over than the baby Jesus and receive gifts of frankensteiners and myrrh but the night would still somehow end in a holiday food fight.

OO House, hOOuse, hOOme? I cannot be the only one who would watch that show.

Scene:

quote:

Friday night, 3am at hOOuse. In the living room Matt Hocking is watching TV. Through the front door come The Rick and Erin Anderson. They are drunk and happy as they walk in.

Matt: It's 3a.m. Where have you two been? And why didn't you invite me?
Rick: We were, uhhhh....
Erin: Recapping Smackdown together?
Rick: Yeah recapping Smackdown. Double-O hasn't had a Smackdown recap in weeks so we decided to do it ourselves.
Matt: Why didn't you ask me, I could have been so funny? Whaaaaaaah!
Erin: Jesus. Shut up. We lied we weren't watching Smackdown. We were doing something fun instead.
Matt: Without me! Whaaaaaaah!

Jeb Lund walks in from the kitchen.

Jeb: Oh relax Matt. You were busy tonight too.
Matt: That's right! I was watching Randy Orton's greatest hits so that I could prepare a report for you two about how Orton doesn't suck and will be a future main eventer if only you didn't hate on him for no reason.
Jeb: See Rick and Erin, junior had a busy night. He's not mad at you he's just tuckered out and cranky. Let him be.
Rick: Exhausted after four hours rewinding tapes of Young Randall Orton so you could watch in slow motion? How much baby lotion and kleenex did you go through tonight anyway Hocking?
Matt: Whaaaaaah!
Erin: Play nice, Rick. Everybody knows that Matt's totally straight and loves Stacey Kiebler.
Rick: You killjoy.
Erin. Plus, if Matt didn't rewind and slow mo that tape, then Randy Orton's greatest hits would only last about 43 seconds.
Rick: Ha ha, and I thought you were seriously taking Matt's side there for a second! Do you have any idea how hot it is when you say something that I wish I had thought of to say first?
Erin: Know it? I count on it, big boy.

Rick and Erin start swapping spit. After a while, Rick gropes for the rack but his hand is slapped away.

Rick: What's wrong, honey?
Erin: Not in public. Unless I'm on national TV and you win 16 world titles.
Rick: Oh yeah.
Erin: But once we get upstairs anything goes.
Rick: My wang has just become plumpened. Later on jerks.

Rick and Erin immediately disappear upstairs. Matt starts chuckling.

Jeb: What the hells so funny, Hocking?
Matt: You know they can't really have sex unless Rick pretends to be Jericho and Erin pretends to be Trish don't you? Losers.
Jeb: Huh?
Matt: I read it on the internet. It must be true.
Jeb: Of course it is. Good for you.
Matt: As soon as my new Christian t-shirt shows up in the mail I'm going to go up there some night and show them how that love rhombus really turned out. I hate them!
Jeb: Oh yeah that's real healthy.
Matt: Whaaaaaaah!
Jeb: You do know where Christian's working today don't you?
Matt: Who cares, he beat Jericho for the girl and finally got to have sex!
Jeb: You sold me. Now pardon me but I'll just go set up a cot for you in the basement with the rest of them, Captain Charisma.

Fade to black.


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rk
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posted on 11-26-2005 at 01:46 PM Edit Post
quote:
Originally posted by Operation Retard
two of these threads, and not one of them features rk making a "rick love erin" joke.

times they sure are a chaingin


I apologize for neglecting my duties as a repetitive shit disturber on that particular subject, but I wouldn't touch this one with a ten-foot pole.

Besides, I enjoy public disagreements among the upper echelon of any organization. Sometimes a little flurry of fury lets people figure out where they really stand, or how they truly feel.





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Canadian Bulldog
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posted on 11-26-2005 at 02:26 PM Edit Post
quote:
Originally posted by Xoid
Reality Show Scenario




I believe you forgot about ME winning a little something called the immunity challenge!

Bastard!!!





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OORick
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posted on 11-26-2005 at 07:41 PM Edit Post
A few things...

(1) I will admit, for something that initially struck me like it'd be a pretty inane post, Xoid's thing had some yucks in it. Or maybe I'm just fried and desperate for entertainment this afternoon as I try to make Survivor Series sound promising...

(2) One gripe: how does somebody's brain go through all the trouble of coming up with such a convoluted idea and writing it all up without ALSO coming up with the obvious best possible title for the show? It needs to be "dOOmicile." And Bulldog's right, it's probably more a reality show than a sitcom. If anybody expects me to sign on to play myself, I'll only do so if the show is called "dOOmicile."

(3) An even bigger gripe. Anybody who thinks that Jeb is the laid-back, diplomatic one around here has clearly never once actually spoken with Jeb. Or even observed hm, obliquely, from a distance. I'm sorry, but that character synopsis casts severe doubt upon the qualifications and expertise of "dOOmicile's" head writer. Though I must admit -- in a perverse way -- I liked the mental image of Jeb always wearing an ascot and smoking jacket around the house.

I believe that is all.....



Rick






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Dayton Dude
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posted on 11-26-2005 at 11:35 PM Edit Post
dOOmicile

Wow, I didn't even make the script. I guess I see where I rank. And you guys are complaining about not being part of IM conversations? How petty.

I guess I need to post the OOTRR more frequently in order to even warrant a guest star spot on the show.

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OOMatt
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posted on 11-27-2005 at 08:49 AM Edit Post
I FUCKING LOVE CANADIAN BULLDOG!

There, I said it, ok? And I don't care who hears it now. If I could come back as anyone, I would come back as him, and I'd write a book called, "OMG! I'm Canadian Bulldog" and it'd sell, like, 999,999 copies, before I even wrote one word, and then the book would only be one word long, and it'd just say, "Motherfucker" and it'd sell more copies than the Bible.

This has nothing to do with the fact that Bulldog will be writing the Satire this week and I didn't properly hype it in my column, nor does it have anything to do with the fact that I'LL be doing ITR this week.

No, this is about more than that. This is about one man's adoration for a guy that pretends to be a dog on a professional wrestling website! (No not Moddawg!) This has everything to do with my saying, "In your face to "Tennessee" Jeb Lund and Eric Anderson , and Rick Scaia, because Bulldog is Smackdown Numba One Announcer! in my book (and HIS! )!

You all suck! Rick should be recapping RAW with Bulldog! Not Erin!

(999 and lookin' good!)






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Alana
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posted on 11-27-2005 at 08:08 PM Edit Post
quote:
Originally posted by Xoid
I bet I have been with Rick longer than anybody here including his own staff. I stopped caring about wrestling years ago but I still love reading what Rick and his people do for us. Unlike every other website I go to they seem like real people. They even post in the forums with us. I have always liked that.


Thank you, though you're more likely to find me in the music threads or chatting about "Lost" than you are in Current Events. Hell, I got this gig in the first place by hanging out in the forums. That, and a little prodding from Jeb.

quote:
Rick's latest post surprised me tho. I thought he was taking the high road and being polite to Matt and then he suddenly rips on him and I realized that not only does Double-O have real personalities they have real personalities that do not always get along.


Are you kidding? If it weren't for the "time delay" created by the internet that afforded us the opportunity to cool off and censor ourselves, we'd be fighting like cats and dogs. We're already pretty bitchy as it is.

quote:
Maybe I am weird but when I saw that, I had an idea that it would be funny if all of Double-O worked in the same office or lived in the same house. We are all seperated by thousands of miles but what I like about Double-O is that I feel like I know the people. I think getting Rick and Erin and Matt and everybody else together in the same house would be lots better than any sitcom on TV.


That's GOLD.

quote:
You have everything. Rick and Erin are like the quarterback and the head cheerleader.


I resent the implication that I was ever a cheerleader, dammit! Unless you went to my high school, in which case -- you caught me. I was young and stupid, okay?

quote:
Like Jeb Lund, who is the layed back king of the smart kids.


King of the smart kids? Yes. Laid back? Not so much. (You know I love ya, Jeb.)

quote:
On others, he is in charge of keeping the other nerds in line. On all episodes, he is the calmest and most diplomatic guy and probably smokes a pipe and wears an ascot.


Diplomatic? HA! No, Jeb would have the sharpest tongue in the house and regularly bring people to the verge of tears with his ability to insult. The audience would adore him, though sometimes his words would go over their heads, what with Jeb being so freakishly smart and all. Seriously; I like to consider myself having an above-average intelligence, but I feel like a moron next to him.

The pipe and the ascot are dead-on, though you forgot the obligatory scotch he'd always be carrying around.

quote:
You could have Pyrofalcon and Canadian Bulldog as unwilling roommates in the house.


I do not know Pyrofalkon well, but I'm fairly positive that Bulldog would live next door and regularly stop by to instigate all kinds of wacky adventures.

quote:
In the basement live Cubs Fan, Jason Longshire, and all the TNA pay-per-view guys. They have to watch all the b-shows that nobody else in the house does. Every episode they keep mostly to themself and have madcap independent b-story adventures that do not intersect with our main characters.


I also don't know the Cubs Fan, but Jason would definitely be hanging with the cool kids because of his amazing ability to score great concert tickets and his near-encyclopedic knowledge of popular music. (Most of you don't know this, but Jason is a very good real-life friend of mine. Good people, he is.)

quote:
For sweeps month OO House could attend WWE events with guest appearances by WWE stars. Randy Orton could try to slip Erin a roofie at the hotel bar and get his ass kicked by Rick in the parking lot before his plan came to fruition.


Re-write: If anyone would kick Randy Orton's ass, it would be me (in my best pair of painful stilettos to boot.)

quote:
OO House, hOOuse, hOOme? I cannot be the only one who would watch that show.


You are not the only one, good sir. Definitely not.





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bigfatgoalie
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posted on 11-27-2005 at 08:34 PM Edit Post
Funny thing about the idea for dOOmicile and EVERYBODY loving it like a fat kid loves the all you can eat buffett....NOBODY would watch it except for those who "know" the folks who write for OnlineOnslaught.

Actually, I'm pretty sure if you made the show with actors/other people, the fOOrum goers would hate it.






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borntorun
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posted on 11-27-2005 at 08:35 PM Edit Post
quote:
Originally posted by Xoid
\
In the basement live Cubs Fan, Jason Longshire, and all the TNA pay-per-view guys. They have to watch all the b-shows that nobody else in the house does. Every episode they keep mostly to themself and have madcap independent b-story adventures that do not intersect with our main characters.


I think we're more like attic-dwellers. Basements usually have cool stuff, like pool tables, bars, and the laundry. In te attic, we can be content to make all the noise we want and cheer for TNA without fear of being interrupted by Hock's dirty socks or Jeb's Hurricane flooding.





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salmonjunkie
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posted on 11-27-2005 at 09:44 PM Edit Post
quote:
Originally posted by Alana
That, and a little prodding from Jeb.




I hope you got checked for that. JEb is one germ-filled donkey, you know.



And I agree. Jeb would be an awesome character in a house-based reality show.

[Edited on 11-27-2005 by salmonjunkie]






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OORick
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posted on 11-27-2005 at 09:58 PM Edit Post
quote:
Originally posted by borntorun
I think we're more like attic-dwellers. Basements usually have cool stuff, like pool tables, bars, and the laundry. In te attic, we can be content to make all the noise we want and cheer for TNA without fear of being interrupted by Hock's dirty socks or Jeb's Hurricane flooding.


BTR raises an excellent point. I didn't realize anybody was going to actually take the time to "fact check" the pilot script for dOOmicile this carefully (I thought the only error that was comically egregious enough to mention was the miscasting of Jeb as "diplomatic"; I'm still chuckling over that one).... but if we're gonna go that route:

Assuming *my* house is the dOOmicile in question there is no fucking way I'm giving up my basement to the b-show scrubs! That's where my booze is! That's where my CDs are! That's where my guitars and band practice space are!

But my upstairs is a mostly-finished attic, currently featuring a wicked draft. You guys could feel free to shove some boxes around, maybe get a replacement storm window, and make yourselves at home up there, instead.



Rick






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posted on 11-27-2005 at 10:14 PM Edit Post
Ah. but Rick, a house-based reality show needs to have tension and drama, thus, letting the other humanoids invade your fun-space. It may be a big sanding of your vagina, but it would be ratings gold! GOLD I TELLS YA!!!






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OORick
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posted on 11-27-2005 at 10:33 PM Edit Post
Sal: I did not mean to imply that the basement was for Cool Kids Only... just that I didn't think anybody's living quarters should be down there, since it is Party Time Central. Everybody would be free to explore all areas of the house and take advantage of its bounty. Even Hocking.

Just a few simple rules apply: (1) please tell the Rick if you drink the last of any bottle on the bar. (2) Do not fuck with any of DVR's recording settings on the Big Main TV, no matter what. (3) Someone will drink any beers you leave in the kitchen fridge for more than 48 hours, so to avoid those becoming Community Property, remember to bring a little Dorm Fridge for your room.

Either that, or only buy Milwaukee's Best, cuz I don't think anybody who has the good sense to be associated with OO would dare put that swill in their body.

Oh, and I somehow whiffed on BFG's comment about how only people who "knew" OO would "get" the show. I would just like to reply: "DUH." Is there anyway we can make some room for a few Forums Regulars like BFG to also be on the show? Partly because we'll need some schlub other than Matt to abuse.... but mostly because I just realized that with only one girl on the show, there's gonna be a whole lotta not-getting-laid going on, and a man who excels at finding bOObie pics could become a very valuable character.

Speaking of bOObies. Looks like it's about time to head out to fricking hOOters for this PPV.... which is something that would never happen if I had a dOOmicile full of willing PPViewers. This dumb idea is looking less and less dumb to me with each passing minute....


Rick






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bigfatgoalie
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posted on 11-27-2005 at 11:33 PM Edit Post
Well given that a large section of forum regulars have had guess shots on the main page, I'd say we'd be able to show up as "guest stars" from time to time.






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borntorun
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posted on 11-28-2005 at 12:55 AM Edit Post
quote:
Originally posted by OORick
but mostly because I just realized that with only one girl on the show, there's gonna be a whole lotta not-getting-laid going on,


Oh, don't worry, even if a dozen broads were live-in regulars, I'd still make sure that the not-getting-laid ratio remained BTR:0

Female rOOmie: Oh, BTR, why don't you turn off that silly iMPACT and lick some of Rick's 15 year-old scotch off my breasts?
BTR: Sssh...Kip James is on! Bil-ly! Bil-ly!

*Fellow TNA predictOOr and attic-resident Blackdgragon steps in and swoops the female rOOmie into the top bunk one of the attic bunk beds*

Don West, on iMPACT: DID YOU SEE THAT?!
BTR: Yes I did, Don. Yes, I did.





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angstboy
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posted on 11-28-2005 at 02:13 AM Edit Post
That's how stupid YOU are.






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