Greetings again boys and girls, this is the greatest writer in the history of our great sport, coming to you live from the keyboard to present to you
the Smackdown Is Good, Wonder Why rant. As usual, Smackdown kicked some major a$$ and I really have begun to see a trend here, a trend that is so
Demolition that I expect them to regain the tag titles only to lose them again to prove my point. However, as much as I dislike Stephanie McMahon, I
take her over Vince Russo any day of the week. My distain for this common, but rich, slut doesn’t hurt the Smackdown product that much, or for that
matter help it. As usual, this is not play-by-play – just an opinion.
Rey Myserio and Torrie Wilson defeated The Trailer Park Couple: Finally, somebody in the back was smart enough to put Rey where he belongs with the other midgets, because his gimmick as a “regular wrestler” was running thin with me. Of course, the real reason they didn’t want to put Rey in the Cruiserweight division is because he is the only “good cruiserweight” out there and therefore kills the division just because nobody else can touch him. The best part of the match was when Torrie went for the “face full of stuff” on Nidia, and Jamie Noble fell into the corner begging her to do it to him. So Torrie feigns to do it, Noble looks away for a second, and Rey-Rey jumps over Torrie and “Bronco Busters” Noble himself. The end came with the usual 619, and then a move which I call the sunset powerbomb. If they were smart they add Rey-Rey vs. Noble for the pre-game PPV match on Sunday Night Heat. (1 for 1)
In the back, Fat Pig Hoss McMahon and D-Von have a meaningless conversation (or tune into Velocity conversation – take your pick) about Batasitia, and if Batasitia isn’t signed by Smackdown, then D-Von will be “fired”. This scene takes a turn for the better when Paul E comes in and is told by Stephanie that Sara no sold labor, but spent some time in the hospital, however now she was out and Undertaker was fighting to get to the arena. I hate Paul E too, but somehow the whole angle panned out into a good moment. Paul E goes to Brock and his hired security goons to inform Brock of the trouble. (2 for 2)
The great hog herself comes out and makes a speech about how great she is and how she will accept the challenge of Bischoff, but won’t go into more detail until she speaks with Bischoff via Satellite tonight. She brings out “The Not So Gay Duo” complete with their old “gay” theme. They kind of make “gay jokes” at each other and promise a victory, and Billy Gunn even captures old glory of the “D-X Days”. Sorry Billy, without Road Druggie to carry your worthless a$$ -- there is no hope with the “suck it” chants. This then brings out “Our Olympic Hero” and he complains about the “gay publicity stunt” and says he had some “publicity”, but he didn’t get it by marrying Carl Lewis. Of course, Kurt challenges Chuck (or Billy) to a match, but Stephanie will only let Billy and Chuck wrestle as a team, so Angle decides to be nice and allow the evil fat slut and her cohorts to pick his partner. They pick “The Canadian Crappler” Chris Benoit as his partner. Then Kurt does last weeks Freudian slip three times again, which cracks me up. Kurt Angle rules the F’ing world while green rookies and no-talent hacks that bang the HEAD writer hold World Titles. (3 for 3)
The Brock defeated (THIS IS) CENA: I’ll let you guys in on a little secret. I just had a birthday this past week, and I got “Hulk Still Rules” as a present, and I watched his MSG debut against Ted Dibise and during one part of the match, Hogan was doing the Brock shuffle. Once again proving to the whole world that Hulk Hogan is indeed the god of wrestling because all stars of tomorrow copy him and his eternal greatness. Of course, Brock wrestles like he is Hogan from 1979, so maybe it all patterns out. Speaking of Hogan vs. Dibise, this match was very similar, as the match seemed booked as a 1979 WWWF squash than the standard WWE squash of today. Brock dominates, but Cena tries for the comeback, but Brock finally gets the F-5 and the victory. I’m really beginning to like The Brock. Although, only after two years in the professional world he doesn’t deserve any type of World title. (4 for 4)
Quick look back at the Confidential interview with Rikishi where he talked about being shot, and almost dying on the streets. I’m sure some of the idiots wished he had, but the Kish is cool. (5 for 5)
Retread desire video with The Undertaker. I think they used his old comments from last year’s campaign, but added his moments beating up both Maven and Hogan from this year. The old footage is much cooler. (6 for 6)
Backstage somewhere at some time during this show, The Gonzales Brothers (Speedy and Pablo) talk about giving Edge “revenge” and ruining his face. I try to see how many times Eddie can call somebody “Holmes” before somebody goes “Larry or Sherlock?” (7 for 7)
The Gonzales Brothers (Speedy and Pablo) defeated Edge Copeland and “That Fata$$ Rikishi”: Standard affair here, but the ending was actually cool where Rikishi “stinkfaces” Chavo, but Chavo goes outside to grab a TV camera and bashes The Kish in the head with it. Chavo wins the match, then the two proceed to destroy Edge’s face with a chair. Edge is bleeding from the forehead and it is dark red!!
It is the satellite interview that nobody was dying to see, but Stephanie and Bischoff have their little discussion. Both don’t seem to fear losing or doing the required stipulation if one does lose. Bischoff acted like if you kissed one a$$, you’ve kissed them all and Stephanie smiles at the prospect of doing HLA in the ring. If I was booking WWE, this would be the time I bring somebody in, either Steiner or Goldberg to squash all four guys to prevent either stipulation from happening, or some other major swerve from either party. Of course, if any swerve happens it will come from Queen Slut Hoss McMahon, although I would love to see Billy and Chuck win and have Bischoff say “Did I say kiss your a$$, I meant KICK YOUR A$$ and the have the “Three Minute Swat” team beat her up again. Of course, Stephanie wouldn’t do this, so expect either a swerve from Stephanie or Bischoff just kissing Stephanie’s a$$. I expect the latter because that is the “McMahon way”. Of course Steph even mentioned that tonight, meaning she is stealing my material. I WANT MY CHECKS STEPH and you can send them to . I guess there was something cute about this. (9 for 9)
Mattitude defeated The Sugarcane: Hurricane without his standard top, makes him look like Sugar Shane with a funny looking mask and cape. The crowd seems to chant for “That Gay Hardy” which really makes me fear for all mankind as Matt is the man! Pretty good match, and I smell a good midcard future for Matt Hardy. (10 for 10)
Paul E wonders if he and Brock should stay or escape, and decide on staying in the locker room because Taker might be lurking in the parking lots. (11 for 11)
PPV recap, including RAW matches as well. A day can’t go by without seeing Triple H’s mug on either show. Wonder why? I finally have an excuse to deduct a point. (11 for 12)
Backstage, Angle and Benoit argue and we’re left in wonder. (12 for 13)
“The Not So Gay Duo” defeated “The Real Olympic Hero” and The “Canadian Crappler” Chris Benoit: This whole match is built on can the two guys that want to fight each other coexist with one another. Of course, Benoit and his massive workrate ego refuses to coexist when Angle has the match won with the ankle lock and beats up Angle. Tough nuts to you, Krispen Wah, because the JUNGLE JIM KICK TAKES BENOITS HEAD OFF almost like when Goldterds destroyed Bret Hart’s career. Benoit JOBS, thus giving us almost a sure thing that Angle jobs on Sunday. Angle proceeds to beat up Benoit, but the “injured” Benoit counters with the crossface. Poor Benoit, he is a great technical wrestler, but he can’t see an injury for more than 15 seconds because he is such a “great technical wrestler” BAH! (13 for 14 – for the match and especially the ending)
The Undertaker enters the arena, and I begin to wonder which Taker is pregnant. Sara or Under. (14 for 15)
The American Fata$$ comes out do to the Main Event interview, which involves Taker getting personal. Before we continue with the interview, I should note that Taker has new theme music (his third this year), but Billy and Chuck still have their “gay music”. Go figure. Anyways, Taker wants a piece of the Brock. So Brock comes out and gets some shots in, but Taker does the usual and Brock bails. Brock however no-sold most of Taker’s offense so GOOD FOR HIM! Mattitude comes to the rescue and beats up Taker, so Brock can make his escape. Of course, Matt gets squashed and Taker tries to hunt down Brock, but he has been “arrested” for his own safety and the show ends. I like Brock’s attitude as he doesn’t really seem to “fear” Undertaker, but maybe that is because we know Taker loves to no sell everything and his mother. This setup reminds me much of the Undertaker vs. Hogan match this year, as they knew they couldn’t let them get it on in the ring before the event because of the fear of “sucking”. Of course Taker vs. Hogan was actually the biggest highlight for Taker this year and that match was a * Hogan match. Which is good when you consider how many DUDS Taker has wrestled, with the exception of that one match where Angle and Rock carried his worthless fat a$$ through a match. I mean come on Joe, he wrestles at No Way Out against the Rock (*1/4* at best – thanks to Rock), he wrestles Ric Flair at Wrestlemania X-Eight in basically a squash (DUD), he wrestles Steve Austin at Backlash in the worst match in the history of time (-***), he wrestles Hulk Hogan in one of his best matches thanks to Hogan carrying his worthless a$$ (** -- Hogan match), he wrestles Triple H in another bad and boring match (-****), he wrestles with both Rock and Kurt Angle (**** -- thanks to the latter two), and he wrestles Tess (*). So I guess nobody is looking forward to this match, if the best buildup is stalking a pregnant women that is supposed to be really pregnant. Then again maybe Brock can carry Taker. We hope. (15 for 16)
The Bottom Line: The show ruled, as usual because we all know that Raw is being panned on purpose for some hidden reason. First it tanks as the Ric Flair show, and then it is being “tanked on purpose” as the Eric Bischoff show. I can’t wait for Shane or Vince to retake Raw and all of a sudden Raw gets better again. Of course, I just have Hoss McMahon an idea. OH CRUD!
Instead of buying the PPV, buy Hulk Still Rules – THE DVD instead or some Bruce Lee movies instead, or watch Iron Chef because the PPV is going to SUCK. Of course, I’ll watch it either at home (for money) or at a friend’s house (for free) because I know my beloved fans need their fix of ME.
How much time are you putting into this? Fuck, go read a book or something instead.
No kidding, man... even if someone were actually WILLING to put the time into reading your little rant, I think the very first sentence is enough to
turn people off. You're not Scott Keith, lose the ego. Your nicknames were both stupid and in a few cases, borderline racially offensive. You're not
CRZ, lose the nicknames.
And I would LOVE to see you call Rey Misterio a midget to his face. I've got a hundred bucks that says Mysterio would wipe his ass with a poser like you
What I'm kind of wondering is what if everyone just stopped even looking at his posts? Then if he had 0 views, he might realize that his sky-rocketing net recapper career is going nowhere, and then he could get used to collecting cans for a living.
And if you want to Bermanize a nickname for Cena, (This is) Cena is stupid. Use Cena (Warrior Princess) instead. Or just stop entirely. If you want attention, go stand outside and scratch your nuts in a large crowd of people and see how long it takes for someone to say something to you.
Watch 'Hogan still rules'??, man I'd rather have my genitals sandpapered.
"(If) he had 0 views, he might realize that his sky-rocketing net recapper career is going nowhere, and then he could get used to collecting cans for
Bonestein, I do this for fun when I have a hour to kill. I find it fun to do, and really wouldn't care if anybody didn't read it. It is all about freedom of speech. I am born to write how I feel, and it is your choice not to read it. I will still post my rants to RSPW and at the message board because it is fun to do. Period.
I have more things to say, but I'll say them on u2u -- if you have the guts to keep it open.
"And if you want to Bermanize a nickname for Cena, (This is) Cena is stupid."
Hey Canada Boy, it is a Sting joke. I mean Cena looks a lot like Steve Borden and the announcers used to say "THIS IS STING" in the early 1990s and late 1980s. At least my country isn't trying to legalize weed.
Oh...a shot @ Canada from a guy who can't recap worth dhit???
and hasn't America disowned you yet???
What? What? Ok, first... have the guts to keep my U2U open? No, I don't have the guts, I have so much fear of getting a message from you, it's
silly. I'll tell you what, just let me go put on my diaper, then I'll open it to you. I just don't want to poop in my big boy underwear when I see
what terrible things you are going to say to me in private.
And how is some people trying to legalize weed a comeback? I mean, really, what the hell is that? I don't remember being on the news supporting the legalization of weed, so how is a group of people fighting for the legalization of dope a put down for me? Does that have anything at all to do with wrestling? That's like me saying, at least my country didn't financially support and train Osama bin Laden. It has nothing to do with anything. Fuck, I swear, this message board is like fucking flypaper for pathetic comebacks sometimes.
what the FUCK is up with all the racist comments about the guerrero's and the midget jokes about rey dude no one likes u go fucking get a job and quit
trying to review matches and programs cause u suck at doing it why dont u go and fuck ur mom or somthin look rey is going to be the champ someday
cause he is a good wrestler and the guerrero's are some good talent that the WWE needs and we dont need ur fucking gay ass 2 cents so go and buy u a
piece of gum and go play in the dirt or eat our ur nasty ass mom.
Rey is never going to be the champ he's only five foot three and about as heavy as a roll of quarters that doesn't mean he's not a great wrestler it
means that it is unrealistic for him to be champ and the racist stuff was stupid but so are your ridiculous run on sentences and suggesting that
because a guy can't recap worth shit means that he somehow should go fuck his mom and what the hell are you talking about buy a piece of gum and go
eat our "ur" nasty ass mom that is sick nice comeback and oh my God this sentence is NEVER going to end or maybe it will someday ok how about
dude bonestein i was makeing fun of tcb i wasnt starting shit with u . ok
chris is good (my roomate) said that u were pretty cool and u didnt like tcb.
My bad. My first assumption when I see someone new come in and start immediately on tcb is that it is tcb under a different name again... I didn't know that you were Chris is Good's buddy, so I apologize.
Nah, he's cool, Bone, I'll vouch for him. I let him read some of tcb's retarded comments, and he wanted to sign up for the board. He actually likes wrestling, so everyone be nice to him until he says something to really piss everyone off. After that, he's on his own
I was wondering what the sudden invasion of people from Little Rock was all about...
Yes, I do count two people as an invasion - call me Vince McMahon
I wish my country would try to legalize weed... It's no worse then alcohol, really.