"Now, TNA has to lie down in the bed they've made. Granted, Angle's gone and soiled the sheets, but it's not like TNA didn't know they were in business with a (metaphorical) bed-wetter, here." -- Rick Scaia, OO Newsflash (8/15/2009)

"One good thing TNA has recently done: they negotiated a deal to pimp out their women to Playboy, now that WWE has gone all G-rated. Allow me to vent: GODDAMMIT GAIL KIM WHY DIDN'T YOU ACCEPT TNA'S LOW-BALL CONTRACT OFFER LAST YEAR, YOU SPITEFUL MINX?!!!???!!! GET YER ASS BACK THERE IMMEDIATELY, AND THEN PLEASE BARE IT IN THE PAGES OF PLAYBOY!!!!!" -- Rick Scaia, Online Onslaught (7/30/2009)

"I doubt very seriously that somehow wrestling has become a social event and greater excuse for group-viewings than it ever was before... if anything, alienating such large chunks of your former audience probably causes a greater percentage of lonely losers watching your PPVs by themselves. Probably on a free internet stream, since there's no way the experience is worth a full $50 price tag. See how that works? The Infinite Feedback Loop Of Lost Revenue only ends when you stop the suck and Fix The Core Product, WWE." -- Rick Scaia, Online Onslaught (8/07/2009)

"Someone out there, somewhere, likes this well enough to keep it going. Someone who apparently is really easily amused. This person has to be…Aurora Rose Levesque. The only way this makes sense, is if I place it in the context of a Disney princess who has to be kept entertained at all costs, even if it alienates the vast majority of people with taste. So I’m going with that. " -- Firewoman, theorizing about RAW's recent Suck (8/11/2009)

"Apparently, Triple H is down in Texas looking for Shawn Michaels. Oh man, I hope he doesn’t find him in an alley acting like a pirate. No. Wait. I hope he does!" -- Matt Hocking, first saying EXACTLY what The Rick was thinking, and then saying the EXACT opposite (8/15/2009)

"But you still suck." -- A Disgraced Former OO Semi-Star, expressing heartfelt feelings about the Undisgraced Current OO Webmaster (8/17/2009)

RAW SATIRE: Batista is SAD~!
Over in our Alternate RAWniverse, WWE Champ Dave Batista is struggling with depression. His good buddy RVD sold RAW and jumped to TNA. Which means there can NEVER be a "Wrong Side of Town 2." Awwww. Matt Hocking details Batista's anguish...
 
WWE RAW RECAP: Promises, Promises...
John Cena was all set to face Vince McMahon, but figured there was another shoe to drop... he was guessing Batista would interfere. But Batista promised, hand to god, he wouldn't "interfere." And he was good to his word: sort of. After Vince changed it to a gauntlet match, Batista kicked the piss out of Cena as a PERFECTLY LEGAL participant in the match. Diabolical.
 
TNA IMPACT RECAP: Worst. Nursing Home. Ever.
We've all heard tales about sociopath orderlies at nursing homes who abuse the elderly. But the first head-to-head edition of TNA Impact takes the cake: knowing they can't exactly "wrestle" any more, Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan took turns bleeding profusely in an attempt to distract us. Eww.
 
OO: The Monday Night Wars Return
It's been almost exactly 9 years since the phrase "Monday Night Wars" mattered. But it begins again this week. And Rick Scaia is here to tell you everything you need to know about why it mattered so mightily in the past and preview why it matters again right now. Check out his latest.
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SD in Brief
One thing you can say about WWE: no matter how much RAW banks on the entertainment-y, SD will probably match on the rasslin-y. This week: you got a solid Rey vs. Gallows match and an Edge/Big Show main event. Enjoy.
 
TNA IMPACT: The Last Impact... EVAR~!
OK: so not that last Impact EVER, exactly. But the last on Thursday night. See how TNA put the finishing touches on their move to Mondays in Big Danny T's recap of all the Hogan-y, Flair-y, Abyss, and just plain NASTY action from this weekend on SpikeTV.
 
RAW SATIRE: Now with Extra Hippie~!
Why go shopping for elderly stoners when you have one who was still wildly popular as recently as 3 years ago on your former payroll? I dunno, but that's the genius of Vince McMahon, who ditched Rob Van Dam to bring Cheech and Chong to RAW. Luckily, our Alternate RAWniverse fixed this oversight, as Matt Hocking reports.
 
RAW RECAP: Personal Accountability
Vince McMahon has decided that the only man in his company capable of countering the appeal of Hogan and Flair on TNA is.... himself. Vince challenged John Cena to a match next week, promising it'll be a preview of what awaits Bret Hart at WM26. Rick Scaia has the full report.
 
TNA IMPACT: It's Unretirement Time
Starting on March 8, TNA is taking the fight to WWE every Monday night. This week, they set up the main event for the first Impact vs. RAW showdown, banking on two of the biggest money makers in wrestling history. Hulk Hogan is dusting off the boots, and Ric Flair is being forced out of retirement as Hogan/Abyss face Flair/AJ Styles in a tag match. Get the full report on TNA's tablesetting.
 
RAW SATIRE: The Wrath of Single J~!
Hand it to Jewel: she showed up on a rasslin' show, and got into the spirit of things. At least, that's how it went over in our Alternate RAWniverse, where J-E-single-W-E-single-L started going around el kabong'ing people with her guitar Also: there were her bOObs, to which no one in their right mind could object.  
 
RAW RECAP: Pre-stealing the Show
Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker stole the show back at WrestleMania 25, and are now fixing to again after stealing the show on Monday. An emotional plea from HBK and a demand by Taker that Shawn put his career on the line versus the Streak have got me fired up to see the two try to top themselves. Rick Scaia has all Monday's results...
 
PPV RECAP: WWE Elimination Chamber 2010
With two Chamber matches on the docket, WWE still gave us THREE title changes. John Cena won the RAW Chamber, but was then screwed out of his WWE Title when Vince ordered an impromptu match against Batista. And Chris Jericho took the World Title from Undertaker in the SD Chamber, but only with an assist from Shawn Michaels. Rick Scaia has all the details you need in his write-up
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown in Brief
Welp... SD officially has half an Elimination Chamber match set up for Sunday's PPV. Undertaker, Jericho, and CM Punk are all red hot heading into it, but John Morrison is injured, Rey is Punk's bitch, and R-Truth shouldn't be anywhere near a main event. Catch up on the latest pre-PPV machinations by the Friday night brand.
 
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: The Final ECW in Brief
We all know that ECW really died in 2001. But that doesn't mean WWE had to rub our noses in just how shitty THEIR re-imagined version of the brand has been when re-killing it here in 2010. An hour of NXT ads and Zeke Jackson as "the last ECW champ"? Oy.
 
RAW SATIRE: You Like It, Bitch~!
Remember when RAW would always get preempted for that one stupid dog show in February? No? Well, our Alternate RAWniverse does, and its chockful of slutty border collies and whatnot this week. Matt Hocking does what he can to crazy up and already-crazy edition of RAW.
 
TNA IMPACT: The Ghost of Shane Douglas
TNA's fetish for recycling the Hits of the 90s continues. This week, Pope D'Angelo channels 15-year-old Shane Douglas en route to an entire promo predicated on calling the Nature Boy "Dick" Flair. Then other stuff happened, too, and you can get the full report by Big Danny T.
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW in Brief
Well: RAW laid an egg this week. A Jerry Springer-inspired egg. Even packaged as "ironic humor," a skit designed to "mock" Springer with Kelly Kelly having 15 different baby daddies just sucked the high hard one. Maybe other stuff happened, too. So check our recap for details.
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: ECW in Brief
The second to last week of ECW was all about getting in position for the Big Finale. A shot at the Unified Tag Team Champs, ShowMiz, was up for grabs, while Christian and Zeke Jackson agreed to send ECW out with a title match under Extreme Rules. Read up...
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown in Brief
Don't look now, but Chris Jericho scored a huge pin over the Undertaker this week, but only thanks to a helping hand from Edge. Yep: Edge. Edge took out Taker, but only after Taker booted Edge for no good reason. Get the full details on SD's top two stars not playing nice!
 
RAW SATIRE: An Hall of Fame Main Event
It takes a real man to step in the ring and back up his reputation on the very night he's inducted into the Hall of Fame. And that man is Ted Di... oh, wait. Wrong Ted DiBiase. I guess in our Alternate RAWniverse, it's perfectly OK for Ted DiBiase Jr. to main event the show?
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW in Brief
It was a night of surprising appearances, as ECW Champ Christian began showcasing his talents as a soon-to-be free agent while Bret Hart ran in through the crowd to land a few shots on Vince McMahon. And in between all that, we crowned new tag champs and saw Shawn Michaels lose his mind (and turn heel). An eventful RAW, all in all...
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown in Brief
SD filled up its Elimination Chamber with qualifying matches this week, but two contenders stood head and shoulders above the others: both Chris Jericho and CM Punk made strong cases for being the next champ... and then the Undertaker showed up and delivered a show-ending ass-whupping to remind both who's boss.
 
TNA RECAP: Getting the Band Back Apart?
DIf you like 15-year-old nostalgia acts, your heart was broken by TNA this week when the once-mighty nWo imploded. But perk up if you like 20-year-old nostalgia acts, as the Nasty Boys have never been more dominant! Big Danny T has the full report for you...
 
RAW SATIRE: The HBK Conspiracy?
Don't let the HHH's buddy-buddy routine fool you: he's bitter about getting tossed from the Rumble by his DX mate, Shawn Michaels, and he's called in a favor from the ol' ball and chain to get his revenge. Stephanie McMahon is the shadowy figure on the grassy knoll making HBK's life a living hell. Matt Hocking reveals the secret plot.
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: ECW in Brief
It's official: ECW is gonna die again, this time due to the promotional ass-hattery of Vince McMahon and his sycophants. Vince would probably dispute that, but it's true. February 23 will be ECW's last hurrah, to be replaced by WWE's NXT evolution of attempted TV.
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW in Brief
For the second time, Bret Hart tried to return to WWE, thinking he had all his bases covered. But for the second time, Vince McMahon got the better of him (this time, with an assist from Batista). Read all about it -- and about William Shatner's antics, and how RAW managed to fill up it's Elimination Chamber match -- in Monday's Recap
 
PPV: WWE Royal Rumble PPV 2010
Edge didn't just make his surprise return in this year's Royal Rumble Match; he won it, and punched his ticket to the main event of WrestleMania 26. The Rumble was one of the most entertaining in recent memory, and capped off a mostly inoffensive undercard. Get the full report!
 
OO: Royal Rumble PPV Preview and More
Rumble Weekend is one of the last lingering times of the year where ANY fan, no matter how lapsed, can still perk up and have fun with the WWE product. Rick Scaia takes an in-depth look at the card -- and somehow manages to sneak in tons of bonus content, including the full line-up for WrestleMania 26 -- in his comprehensive preview.
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown in Brief
It just may go down as the best bait-and-switch ever: though we were promised a DX vs. Punk/Gallows tag title match, Teddy Long took it away... and replaced it with two free-per-view matches! HHH/Punk and Rey/Michaels were the late additions to an outstanding show.
 
TNA IMPACT: By Any Other Name...
WWE's lawyers pretty much insisted that he pick a new name, but he's still the same guy, and he's tearing up TNA. That's right: Mr. Anderson (kennedy) headlined the latest Impact, and had no trouble dispatching Jeff Jarrett (who, for some reason, was attempting to impersonate a babyface outside of the state of Tennessee, and failing).
 
RAW SATIRE: Coal (Miner's Glove) Power!
In his weekly attempt to simply make it onto TV, Carlito stumbled across something huge... the Power of the Coal Miner's Glove Match. Truly, it is the greatest and most epic match ever conceived of by man. At least, it is in our Alternate RAWniverse, and according to Matt Hocking.
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW in Brief
Sheamus may be six weeks into his reign as OUR WWE Champion, but it seems WWE's caught on to the fact that he may be in over his head. This week, the poor guy only got 5 minutes of screentime and ended the show KO'ed in the middle of the ring while John Cena celebrated. D'oh.
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown in Brief
Let's see: WWE delivered a promo (Rey and Taker) as the "main event" and put fricking Khali in the featured match. So where the hell do we have to look to find something good about this week's show? Well, CM Punk was once again gold, and this time, he "saved" a hot chick. Every Wannabe Jesus needs his Mary Magdelane, I guess.
 
TNA IMPACT: The Orlando Screwjob?
WWE's the one who brought Bret Hart back... but in their wave of acquisitions, TNA's the one who decided to replicate the Montreal Screwjob. The newly heel AJ Styles needed a Hebner and a questionable submission to score a win over Kurt Angle this week, in what was Kurt's first title match AFTER his alleged "last title match ever." Ahem.
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: ECW in Brief
On the strength of a single 20-minute Christian/Regal main event, this week's ECW managed to have more in-ring wrestling than RAW. Too bad the rest of the show (with more Zack Ryder lameness, and even a floptastic guest appearance from Santino) didn't deliver the goods.
 
RAW SATIRE: Needs More Kristen Bell!
What a craptacular week for guest hosts on RAW... but over in our Alternate RAWniverse, we can at least contemplate What Should Have Been. For instance: if a star from "When in Rome" must prance about in underwear during the main event, it should CLEARLY be Kristen Bell!
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: RAW in Brief
Well: the Undertaker and Shawn Michaels (with just a dash of Vince McMahon) got RAW off to a rip-roaring start with a show-opening promo. But it was all downhill from there. No Bret. No Jericho. They actually did an Orton/Masters match. And in the main event, a leprechaun pinned Napoleon Dynamite for the win. Ugh.
 
OOTRR: Badd Blood 2004 Re-Revued
WWE's June '04 PPV might seem like a workrate wanker's dream on paper, what with Chris Benoit pulling double duty, AND a Hell in the Cell Match to boot... but it didn't quite work out that way. Adam Gutschmidt re-recaps a surprisingly lackluster PPV.
 
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW: SmackDown in Brief
It took over a month, countless matches, and in the end: a steel cage. But at least SD finally has a #1 Contender to the Undertaker's World Title. Rey Mysterio scored the big upset over Batista to secure a one-on-one Royal Rumble title shot. Get the full report...
 
IT'S BACK: TNA Impact Coverage at OO!
Looks like TNA is intent on playing with the Big Boys... and as such, OO might as well get back to covering their weekly TV show. On its return to Thursday nights, TNA didn't relent on bringing back former WWE stars... well, OK: they brought in Tomko, who was revealed as AJ Styles Mystery Attacker. Whee? 
 

PPV RECAP: WWE Backlash 2009
Another month, another Match of the Year candidate from WWE: this time, it's Edge vs. John Cena supplying the goodness. And this time, the undercard actually provided a halfway decent supporting cast: all 3 "world" titles changed hands, and Ricky Steamboat and Chris Jericho hit a home run. Rick Scaia recaps.

PPV: WWE WrestleMania 25 Recap
It probably won't go down as one of the better overall WMs, what with the crappy storytelling leading into the show and the forgettable main event. But WM25 WILL be long remembered for the Undertaker and Shawn Michaels absolutely stealing the show with a 35-minute Instant Classic. Rick Scaia has a full WM Report.

PPV RECAP: WWE No Way Out 2009
You think you know the E? Guess again. A "predictable" pre-WrestleMania PPV turned into a truly surprising night of TV, as two new World Champs were crowned (Edge lost his first title, but then won RAW's strap to close out the night) and expected WM25 plans were blown up. Good times, and Rick Scaia has results and analysis.

PPV RECAP: WWE Royal Rumble 2009
Randy Orton is now "bulletproof" on his way to WM25 after winning the Rumble match this year. But stealing the show was Edge vs. Jeff Hardy, where Christian did NOT make his return, but the match still featured a tremendously surprising finish. Rick Scaia recaps.